Biphobia in the gay community.Has anyone expierenced it?- Page 11

[Ida Noodleman]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 7:30am

Sexuality is such a complicated thing and dependent on so many variables sometimes. I don't think you can always find a neat way to catagorize it. What difference does it make unless you are in a relationship with the person?

Using the refrence to being a smoker, I have known people who have quit smoking for many years and still feel a desire for a cigarette once in a while. Likewise, it seems very possible that you could be mainly attracted to one gender for 13 years and still feel an attraction to the other gender.

If you say that 13 years of being with men makes someone gay, then you're defining bisexuality by action and not attraction. It seems a little more complicated than that. Desire or interest doesn't always lead to action.

I guess you have to take each eprson at face value and assume that how they define themselves is correct unless you happen to know that deep down inside, they are lying to themselves. None of us can ever know that for sure even with the people we are closest to.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 7:50am

If you define it as "affectional orientation" rather than "sexual orientation" it becomes a simpler question: It's not who you want to go to bed with. It's who you want to wake up with.

[Auggie27]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 8:43am

"If there's one thing I hate, it's a bisexual homosexual." Maggie Smith, CALIFORNIA SUITE. A brilliant far-from-glib line that manages to sum up the ambivalence of many, in and out (so to speak) of the community.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 10:05am

What's a 5.5 on the Kinsey Scale? A gay man who doesn't shriek when he sees a naked woman? Updated On: 11/7/07 at 10:05 AM

[robbiej]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 10:15am

'Oh, yeah, let's get one thing straight. See, I never heard about "The Red Shoes," I never saw "The Red Shoes," I didn't give a F*CK about "The Red Shoes."'

Oh Val...how I love thee. I put this quote here cause this is pretty much how I feel about the Kinsey scale.

I just don't get it. I mean...I get it...but I don't get the fuss. 1...6...5.5 (5.5????). I'm with DG...why do we need to quantify anything about ourselves. And then...when you are done doing this very unscientific math, how do you choose to identify yourself (if you do so choose) for political reasons. And does familial obligations play into how you end up finding a life partner? And if so, can't one understand WHY a gay person might be reticent when it comes to dating someone bisexual?

Not out of fear of cheating...but fear of someone giving in to societal pressures to lead a heteronormative life. And we all how how massive that pressure is and the damage it can do.

Oh...and Auggie...LOVE Dame Maggie in that movie. The line 'Stanley, I saw your privates!' still sends me into fits of giggles.

Updated On: 11/7/07 at 10:15 AM

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 12:32pm

The Kinsey scale is but one way for people to try to understand sexuality. And, obviously, only the 1s and 6s (or someone in denial) are people who often don't get this. I think one could replace the numbers with a literal color spectrum (to get numbers out of the picture) and get the same idea. But then we get into, "Oh no, girl, that boy is a walking orange alert!"

Maybe there are other ways to talk about sexuality than the Kinsey scale--but it must somehow include that people are either gay, straight, or bisexual. Because even the Kinsey scale doesn't include what people admit or identify as.

"And if so, can't one understand WHY a gay person might be reticent when it comes to dating someone bisexual"

Well, you get to know that person the same way you would get to know any other person. Not all straight people want a "heteronormative" life and some gay people want to be as much that as possible. You date a person and find out: "Do you believe in marriage?" "Do you wants kids?" "Do you believe in monogamy or open relationships?" Etc Etc Etc. And ALL of those questions are in play when dating ANY sexual orientation.

If a bisexual wants to be with you and only you and build a life you both believe in---what does it matter if he has ever dated girls? What does it matter if he ever thinks girls are hot? Like any significant other, you are both going to think other people are hot.

The bottom line is that there is great prejudice by both gays and straights against bisexuals. And that's unacceptable.

[robbiej]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 12:53pm

But I think whatever rules you set up for yourself regarding dating are perfectly fine...for you. I don't think those particular rules need apply to any or everyone else. A person's own 'rules' are borne out of personal experience.

There are plenty of people who won't date outside their religion. I don't find that particularly bigoted. And that's just about the made-up sky people.

People being reticent about dating someone bisexual may be, indeed, a case of someone making a rash judgement about another. Or, it could be as a result of some real life experience that someone may not wish to deal with again.

[artscallion]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 1:05pm

I personally use the Rodgers and Hammerstein scale. I fall somewhere between 'daisy in May' and 'Nellie for bush'

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 1:14pm

Of course, a person has to make their own rules for dating.

Maybe a person has had bad experiences with a certain ethnic group and doesn't want to date people of that group.

I wouldn't advertise my prejudice though. I wouldn't spread prejudice and stereotypes about that group. I wouldn't be on the offense towards people of that group. I wouldn't judge others for dating someone of that group.

I'd do the right thing and keep my prejudice to myself.

[romantico]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 1:18pm

Jerby, I want to thank you for posting this. AWESOME video and I wish more felt the way you do. I was seeing a guy when I posted this thread but now am very interested in a woman. I have not felt this way in a long time and am very happy. This girl also considers herself bi and this is the first person I have gone out with who is bi. I feel she understands me more than anyone because of this.I think people overthink sexuality. Who I love and sleep with is between me and the person I love and am sleeping with.Period!

Having said that, it seems like all my friends both gay and straight, need to tell me whats wrong with me and put me under a microscope. I've heard so many lies,myths, and sterotypes that I discuss my personal life with only a select few.I've lost more gay friends than straight just because theres this feeling I have betrayed them and am now taking a more mainstream lifestyle choice (which is total BS!)I enjoy the gay community and feel more comfortable around gay men and women than I do straight people. I read not long ago where someone said herterosexualty and homosexuality are two extremes and most people fall right in the middle. I feel there is some truth in that.

I feel gay women are the only ones who have helped and supported me through my tough times. They've given me excellent advice and have stood by me and I think I'd be a total mess if it were not for them. I am a strong advocate for gay marriage and continue to fight for gay rights and stand up for equality for EVERYONE! Should I fall in love with this girl and even decide to spend the rest of my life with her, I will still fight for these causes and identify myself as being closer with the gay community (wheather they want that or not)

Anyway, Thanks again Jerby for the bringing the post back up. I think there are more bisexuals out there than some may think.People need to just stop labeling people and judging them.

Updated On: 11/7/07 at 01:18 PM