Biphobia in the gay community.Has anyone expierenced it?- Page 7

[RobbO]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 8:57pm

it's not about trust for me; it's about wondering if the person's needs are being satisfied. i think i would be too insecure in that kind of relationship.

but what do i know? i also won't date someone who wears a fannypack.

[harris007]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 8:59pm

i think robbo is the cause of it all

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 9:10pm

I am not sure how this thread has made it, but damn it's entertaining.

[romantico]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 10:22am

Again, I think RobbO has the right idea. Its insecurity for most gay men.Kind of like a hetero guy dating a hot girl who doesn't like his hot girlfriend hanging out with a better looking co-worker or something.Guys are insecure.Robb, you mentioned wondering if those needs are being satisfied. IMO, thats something we all fear of no matter what sexual orientiation you are.I think as long as you have a healthy open relationship where you can tell each other ANYTHING & communicate then thats all that matters.I hate being told by ALL my gay friends that they would never want me as a partner. I'm tired of hearing from all my straight girl friends that they would never want me as their boyfriend.I am tired of hearing from all my straight guy friends that I am confused & don't try anything or they'll kick my ass, even the ugly ones say this (I had a straight friend spend the night a few weeks ago in my guest room & warned me not to rape him in the middle of the night. He said he was joking but I can't help but wonder if there was some truth in that comment)Anyway, this is what I face. Not saying I would want any of these people as a partner, but how would a gay man feel if all his gay friends told them they were not interested in them in anyway,shape, or form? That they are not desiarable at all?I think that gay person would begin having serious issues about self confidence.

Like I mentioned before, all my gay friends tell me that I have to either choose or keep my bisexuality a secret which I think is bull**** & disappoints me beyond words that these people whom I really do love & admire would say such a horrible thing. If I told them to get back in the closet & worry what society thinks of them I would have no gay friends at all.

I really wish we could all live with no labels.We love who we love & thats it. I think the world would be a far better place. However,society doesn't allow that. We have strict rules we all MUST conform to. Anyway, I think this post has really presented some interesting comments & am glad this open debate has made alot think. I guess there is no wrong or right answer and I do respect all those views, even those I do not agree with I am thankful some have expressed their thoughts. (end of rant.....for now)

[NewArgentina]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 10:28am

"We love who we love & thats it."

Live by that credo and you'll be okay. Don't worry about anyone else because what will matter most is the happiness you find with your partner. Good luck.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 10:52am

the line that bothers me in the original post is this

"After talking to some gay friends about this they determined that I must be bisexual."

these are not friends, if they feel the need to determine your sexuality.

I cannot fathom being bi-sexual, but few straights can fathom being gay, so I say be who YOU are. If that's bisexual, fine. Any friend who has a problem with that is not a real friend.
And it's none of their damn business.

Updated On: 9/7/06 at 10:52 AM

[Calvin]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 10:56am

I hate being told by ALL my gay friends that they would never want me as a partner. I'm tired of hearing from all my straight girl friends that they would never want me as their boyfriend.I am tired of hearing from all my straight guy friends that I am confused & don't try anything or they'll kick my ass, even the ugly ones say this (I had a straight friend spend the night a few weeks ago in my guest room & warned me not to rape him in the middle of the night. He said he was joking but I can't help but wonder if there was some truth in that comment)

I think all this reinforces what Sueleen was saying several pages back. Your friends kinda suck. At the very least, they all sound rather insecure.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 11:03am

ALL your friends are like this?

ALL of them?

ALL of your straight friends as well as ALL of your gay friends.

ALL?

Maybe the problem is not with THEM. Maybe the problem is with YOU and your need to be a victim.

[romantico]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 11:05am

Victim? Hardly.PalJoey, No, not all my friends are like this. Just a few (mostly gay)I'm just fed up and I know what i have to do.When you invest alot of time into friendship its not that easy to write it off in a snap.I know these people don't mean to be cruel or hurtful and I want to try to make them understand that before I write them off.Elphaba, you are right. However, when I said 'they determined I must be bi' they were right. I think they could have put it another way, but it made me consider something I honestly hadn't before.My sex life is no ones business however,my gay friends honestly think everytime they see me with a guy or a girl that I am "getting it on' with them. One just said to me the other day 'I hope your careful'. I replied, 'go **** yourself' and haven't heard from him since.It all comes down to ANY kind of phobia dealing with sex in the gay community,IMO, is hypocritical.if "my kind" doesn't float your boat, thats fine.Just don't judge me and pretend your better than me.I have found alot of straight friends and gay friends think I secretly want to jump their bones. They just can not imagine me not wanting to do them right here right now on the floor.Bisexuals are shady,not to be trusted,we sleep around,we are confused, we'll sleep with anything that moves,we are not capable of being in a committed relationship and if we are we're always looking for something better & so on.I ask these people then why would they want someone like me in their lives.They usually reply with,'your a good friend' or "we want to help you find your way'.

New Argentina & Elphaba, you give good advice. Send my bill to broadwayworld! LOL!

Updated On: 9/6/06 at 11:05 AM

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 12:02pm

"One just said to me the other day 'I hope your careful'. I replied, 'go **** yourself' and haven't heard from him since."

if i cared enough about a person to tell them to be careful, and they responded in that way, i wouldn't talk to them after that either.

[romantico]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 12:04pm

Reason I said that was they assumed because I was bi I was sleeping around.It was dig, trust me.

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 12:05pm

i think you assumed that they thought you were sleeping around...

[Calvin]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 12:06pm

"Be careful" is not always a caring statement, sort of like, "I'll pray for you."

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 12:10pm

ok, that i can understand.
but why do you still hang out with these people? you live in connecticut... there are organizations here for people who are bisexual. they set up a huge display every year at true colors x_X

[romantico]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 4:21pm

Abbarabbit, you are right. I am just now comings to terms with the very fact that these people are not for me.I doubt I will join a bi community to meet friends. I welcome everyone into my life. Once I get to know them and they get to know me I pretty much can tell who are my friends.I have received alot of private messages of support which makes me feel pretty damn good.I have to be careful that I don't sound like I'm taking an attitude with those who disagree with me. I have sent several private messages to some who I have feared I may have offended or targeted.As corny as they may sound I think Tammy Faye said it best. She said, "We are all just people made from the same dirt and God didn't make any junk!". Like I said, I know its corny but theres some truth and wisdom somewhere in there.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 5:49pm

You know what romantico, maybe the gay people in your life decided, literally, that you were not for them.

Let me put it this way. No man in the history of the world has ever been bi-bashed on the street. "Take that, you bi."

Maybe people get the sense from you that when the chips are down, you'll retreat to the world of heterosexual privlege.

I respected the hell out of an activist friend of mine who once said, "I'm bisexual, but I know the absolute political importance of telling people I'm gay."

[romantico]

Posted: 9/6/06 at 7:15pm

FindingNamo, I think you are right in most of what you say. However,its not that the gay people in my life have said I am not for them. Not at all. I have discovered when I hang out one on one with my gay friends they are alot more like friends. When I try to do things with them as a group thats when I feel ganged up on.Seems they only challenge my bisexuality when they have support of other gays which I totally do not get at all.Bi-bashed? Hmmmmm, what an interesting term. No, I'd have to agree with you I don't think I'd go as far as saying that.I love that quote from your bi activist friend by the way.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 9/7/06 at 12:33am

"I have sent several private messages to some who I have feared I may have offended or targeted."

That's very sweet of you, but people need to chill out. Debating on this board isn't anything to be taken personally (unless it gets personal). Debates are rarely passionless. And passion doesn't always mean "anger". I have always loved engaging in debates with my friends and I like doing it here when I care about the subject. People need to realize that what happens in the debate stays in the debate.

At least it should.

And if people can't take the heat, get out of the muthaf***in' kitchen, darlin's.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 9/7/06 at 10:08am

"When you invest alot of time into friendship its not that easy to write it off in a snap.'

oh, I totally disagree.....it is in fact quite easy. But it should also make you re-evaluate how, why, and with whom you make friends. What red flags weren't you paying attn to?

also if someone says "be careful" it may or may not be a dig. You are pretty defensive about that in your response.
What was the payoff of you saying "F off?". A smile would have sufficed. If the person was 'digging" that smile would put them off guard.

You assume a lot above, and remember all 'assume" does is make an
ASS out of U and ME.

When you ask a question or opinion on BWW you open yourself up to people GIVING you their opinion. If you disagree, too bad...YOU asked, they did not offer.
No need to defend your view, and no need to berate their opinions...AGAIN, you asked for them.

Updated On: 9/7/06 at 10:08 AM

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 9/7/06 at 10:15am

I suffered from Buyphobia yesterday after work. Where's MY sympathy?

[StageManager2]

Posted: 9/7/06 at 10:18am

bwaysinger: You have a fear of buying? Remind me never to take you shopping.

Updated On: 9/7/06 at 10:18 AM

[StickToPriest]

Posted: 6/8/07 at 6:38pm

"Of course, I’m projecting that they even wanted a monogamous relationship… they might not have.

But I knew I ultimately wanted one, and also knew that I wouldn’t be able to find that in someone bisexual."

Best, you know I love you. But what a dumb, insulting, infuriating statement

Bisexual people can't be monogmous?

Bisexual just means that you are attracted (romantically and sexually) to both men and women. It doesn't need you mean an annual quota of both d*** and p****. A monogmous bisexual is just as likely as a monogmous heterosexual or a monogmous homosexual.

Bisexuals could have relationships with either. But, speaking for myself, being in a relationship, I am in a relationship with THAT person. Just because I am able to be attracted to members of the other sex doesn't mean I have an urge to get them into bed when I am in a committed relationship with someone of the same sex.

Insulting.

And to all those who say bisexuality doesn't really exist, your ignorance is just as bad as people who say homosexuality is a choice. Just as bad.

[thesinger]

Posted: 6/8/07 at 6:49pm

I think a lot of the biophobia comes from the fear that if you're bi, you might sleep with someone behind your partners back [if you're being deprived of one gender]. I think there's also a lot of guys who feel that if you're bi, you aren't gay exactly and they may not want to sleep with you. As hard as it is, sometimes the best thing to do is have a bi partner who may better understand you. Updated On: 6/8/07 at 06:49 PM

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 6/9/07 at 1:07am

Nobody's ever in history been bi-bashed.

[StickToPriest]

Posted: 6/9/07 at 1:58am

You have absolutely no way to back up that claim, Namo.

ETA: And even if it was true, what's your point?

Updated On: 6/9/07 at 01:58 AM