Biphobia in the gay community.Has anyone expierenced it?- Page 9

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:16pm

You are so right. I need to just focus on latinos so I can pick just one. I need to stay in that one world because I can't possibly balance all of life to be able to have options. I have to segregate my latino friends and my blond twink friends.

Question: are gay guys EVER able to be in a monogamous relationship? All the gays guys (that I know at least in my experiences throughout my life) have been so slutty. Always in the clubs. Doing drugs and each other. And anytime they get into a "relationship", it's open and slutty and out in the clubs.

[best12bars]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:22pm

Jerby---It's possible. I've been in one now for nearly 12 years (which we'll celebrate on 7/27/07).

You (Mr. Jerb) don't have to focus on anything if you don't want to. Play the "male gender field" as long as you choose. For life, even.

It actually pisses me off that so much pressure is placed on being in a relationship (whether you're gay or straight).

It's something I have wanted personally, and I worked toward having as part of my life. I value it, and I'm blessed for having a partner who's been with me that long. That's MY path, not yours (unless you want it).

I may be blessed, but I'm NOT holier-than-thou. I'm not better than you because I'm in a relationship and you're not.

(I'm better than you for other reasons.)

[Kringas]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:24pm

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:25pm

Who wants to hold up monogamy as the goal? Doing so is just surrendering to another form of social control. Most men can't do it.

[best12bars]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:33pm

Namo, I would say the most popular choice these days is NOT to be monogamous. Certainly in the gay world. Party on.

How about being "truly" rebellious and going AGAINST the norm? Actually being faithful to a partner.

Freak! Heretic! Outcast!

If everone in the land is a rebellious "slut," then there's nobody left on the other side.

Then, by default the other side becomes the "rebels" against what is socially normal and accepted by the majority as THE way of life.

*turns the "You Are Here" sign 180 degrees*

I'm a rebel! Yay! You Immoral Majority Slutty Partner-Swapping Normal People, You!!!

Look at me, I'm different!!! I'm going against the grain!!!

[StickToPriest]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:35pm

Well, best, you're talking about a specific type of bisexual. One who feels he can have the best of both worlds forever, which is wrong.

But would have ever dated a guy who only dated men, but identified himself as a bisexual? That is, he's attracted to both genders, he says that right out front, but he has only dated/only dates men.

ETA: Or how about the guy who is truest to himself? He's bisexual. He dates both men and women looking for his soulmate. But he doesn't live in two different worlds. He lives one life, not hiding a "gay life" from a "straight" one.

Updated On: 6/10/07 at 12:35 PM

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:37pm

So, if I date a latino, it's ok if we are open as long as I ONLY **** latinos. The minute I do a blond twink--I'm as despicable as Eli Roth! I understand now!

[best12bars]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:39pm

StickToPriest --- I would consider it. I wouldn't shut the door on someone like that. But I would want to know his history, and I would study his actions, to see if he was truly making decisions in his life, and not just playing the "I Want" verbal games.

If his actions were speaking as loudly as his words, then yes I would consider it.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:40pm

um, best, shouldn't one do that with anyone they date? Or only those scary bisexuals?

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:41pm

Well, first of all, b12b, there you go doing that particularly American thing of dividing the world into two teams. "The other side?"

I personally did not say that monogamy or non-monogamy was inherently "better" than the other, which is to say my language wasn't loaded with perjoratives like "slutty."

I don't understand why if people choose to be something somebody else is not, that the somebody elses of the world take it as a personal attack.

I DID say the ideal of monogamy is something that most men aren't able to do, and I do believe that statistics REALLY bear me out if you factor in de facto celibacy in long term relationships of any stripe.

[best12bars]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:43pm

WRONG! You're already as despicable as Eli Roth BEFORE you do the blond, Jerby.



(You're truly the butt of my jokes today, sir. Sorry, but you're wide open for it.)

*refrains from posting yet another "grin face"*

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:47pm

::waiting for you to actually make a joke or at least one that is either funny or witty::

[best12bars]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:50pm

"I don't understand why if people choose to be something somebody else is not, that the somebody elses of the world take it as a personal attack."

Human nature, Namo. "If I'm not living my life like you, I must be doing something wrong." Especially if I'm being criticized for it in the process. That innate philosophy has started wars as much as profit has. Both "sides" (if you will) feel they are being criticized by the other.

It's the "sluts" vs. the "social conformers." Skins vs. Shirts.

"I DID say the ideal of monogamy is something that most men aren't able to do, and I do believe that statistics REALLY bear me out if you factor in de facto celibacy in long term relationships of any stripe."

I agree with you.

[best12bars]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:52pm

I watched your tape, Jerby.

I'm still waiting for you to do something funny too.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:52pm

::still waiting::

[StickToPriest]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 12:55pm

Why the animosity? I like you both.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 1:01pm

Oh, the homo and the bi-boy should be friends,
Oh, the homo and the bi-boy should be friends.
One man likes to push and plow,
The other likes to chase a cow,
But that's no reason why they cain't be friends.

[romantico]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 1:29pm

JESUS CHRIST! I should have my own show on Fox! Clearly, some here have either mis-read what I have said or I have not been clear in my posts. The Singer seems to think that I am pissed because gays don't want to sleep with me. LOL! Yeah, thats it. Are you for real?! Until I can determine if your post was meant as a dumb joke or legit, I won't even comment on it. Frankly, I have no idea where to start.

Elphaba is correct. I thought these peope were my friends and I should have enough sense to see they weren't.I think I just looked the other way but since I started this post I have admitted to some mistakes I took with these freidns and haven;t spoken to any in about 6 months.

Best12Bars, thanks for the honest response. We can commit to one person and people just can't seem to get past the fact that we are attracted to both sexes. They think that means we are willing to F*CK both sexes at the same time. Just not true. I had a gay friend who felt like you did because a guy he really liked left him for a woman. He put down bisexuals and hated them with a passion. He blamed bisexuals for this and at the time I wasn;t 100% certain I was bi so I let it go. Turns out he meets this other guy and they hit it off. They date for a few months and this guy left my friend for a younger twink. The point is, this ex-friend of mine didn;t go off and blame gays for breaking him and his lover up like he did previously with the bisexual. Point of the stort is: Bisexuals are easier targets and its easier to hate us because we are only 50% on your side according to that short simple mentality. I wrote him off soon after I told him I was bisexual. I asked him if he could explain why the gay ex boyfriend gets a free pass over the bisexual ex boyfriend and it made snese to me we'd talk things over. Well, its been about 3 years and I'm still waiting.Anyway, Ithink Best12bars has given one of the most honest posts yet and I applaude him for that. I just hope you meet a bisexual someday who changes your mind that we're not all like that.

Namo, I sort of see where your coming from now. I didn't in your earlier posts. I think what we both agree on (unless I am wrong) is that a hate crime is just wrong. Someone bashing someone because they are gay is wrong. For the same reason someone bashing someone because they are Muslim, Jewish, black, and so on. Not sure if you agree with this or not, but a bisexual would I think fall in the category of gay bashing. Yeah, if you want to knit pick I suppose you can and perhaps win that argument.Just seems pointless. Being beaten to a pukp because of your sexual orientation is wrong and I'lll stop with that. I've actually agreed with alot of what you've been saying since I posted last and I am sort of surprised. Thats what I think is so cool about this board. People you think you have nothing in common with or just disagree with can sometimes surprise you in a good way. Oh, and no more Bi flashing FAQ.....(for now)

[sondheimboy2]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 2:25pm

I'd say one of the problems is that you hardly ever see any really positive portrayals of bisexuals in mainstream media.

Sharon Stone in "Basic Instinct" is the norm.

[misschung]

Posted: 6/10/07 at 2:43pm

what about Christine Taylor in Dodgeball?

On a serious note, I feel that there is sometimes too great an attempt to categorize sexual and gender orientation anyway. This is only from an outsider's perspective, but I have witnessed so many cases of the gay/lesbian border control having a problem with those who they claim are not "real gays" or "real lesbians" - a lot of times because they are bi. I agree, romantico - that there is an instinct to believe that bisexualty = open relationship, which is really silly

Updated On: 6/11/07 at 02:43 PM

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 6/11/07 at 10:41am

Again, could we try not to use the word "bashing" to describe making rude or tacky comments?

[romantico]

Posted: 6/11/07 at 10:51am

Jesus Christ!

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 6/11/07 at 11:37am

"Biphobia". I'm so glad there's finally a name for it. Bisexuals scare me to death! I'm terrified of them. If I see one, I'm all like, "Eeeek!! Get it away! Get it away!" I make my boyfriend step on them.

[mejusthavingfun]

Posted: 6/11/07 at 11:38am

I kinda think monogamy and marriage is the real cultural problem here, not bisexuality.

I tend to assume that our marriage and sexuality conventions are just man made institutions we as westerners must abide by. We all have our reasons for lamenting the "bad" side of the gay community and many of us just don't have the time for "bisexuals."

I don’t have a phobia for bisexuals, but I certainly am not interested in dating any. Mostly because the bisexuals I know are closeted to different people in their lives. I have always been kinda pissed when people lie to women. I know it’s sexist, but well women seem to get the raw deal when all is said and done. I have dated and been utterly destroyed by bisexual men.

I think that our system of "loving" and mate finding is becoming increasingly fragmented as birth control and sexuality is re-examined. A lot of people in the sixties totally bypassed homosexuality as way of think or convention and just assumed humans were just humans wanting to get-off sexually and love. We lost our way somewhere, trying to force our "abnormal" ways into a broken system.

I think the romantic and idyllic system of marriage is and will be evasive for most of us. I tend to think marriage itself as being pretty gay. (Though I'm engaged) If you are going to live a bisexual life though, you have to deal with the conventions in place... or hide something,,, or move to the jungles of South America or the bush in Africa.

Oh yea, Jerby stick with the chicos.

[romantico]

Posted: 6/11/07 at 11:51am

I know a bisexual woman who was crushed,heartbroken and utterly destroyed by a 'dyke.' So should I assume ALL homosexuals are like that? I think its cheating that pisses us off and cheating only. Its when we have to put a face or a label to that is what pisses me off. My brother has had bad luck with girls named Maria and Amy does that mean he has to have a rule NOT to date women with those names?

I feel bad when I hear about someone failed relationship and I know there are plenty of bisexuals out there who give us a bad name. However there are also heterosexuals and homosexuals who are less than perfect that make them look bad as well.

I know those who have been hurt and burned by bisexuals will never get past the fact they were hurt by a bi.They will also more than likely never get over the fact that the exact same thing could have happened if the same act was done by a homosexual or heterosexual. They for some reason get a free pass because the person who gets hurt falls into one of those groups. Bisexuals are on their own. I get it. Its not really fair, but I am amazed that so many in the gay community discriminate over sexual orientation.

Updated On: 6/11/07 at 11:51 AM