Christmas + the boyfriend

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:21pm

So Christmas is coming up (okay, not really) and I really want to spend it with my boyfriend (His name is Ivan). Should I tell my grandparents I'm bringing him, call and ask, or just bring him?

And can y'all share some holiday experiences with your significant others and the holidays?

[ZONEACE]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:23pm

for the simple fact that holiday gatherings involve food, it's probably polite to let them know so that they aren't suprised and underprepared.

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:26pm

I dont think my family can be unprepared.... there's always tons of leftovers.

[ZONEACE]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:28pm

well, in that case, I'd give the same answer, it's polite to let them know.

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:31pm

We're talking about my Bush-loving, Conservative grandparents here...

I'm scared if I ask, they'll say no.

[redhotinnyc2]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:33pm

interestingly enough - my family always invited me to bring my boyfriends, - I never had to ask.

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:36pm

Love the avatar. My cousin Kyle always brought his girlfriend (now his wife) so I'm thinking if he can do it, I can do it.

[ZONEACE]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:40pm

well, if they say no, bring him anyway, or don't go.

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:40pm

why would you want to subject the boyfriend to bush-loving, conservatives? stay home with the boyfriend and ... do I really need to finish that sentence?

[ZONEACE]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:42pm

CATS wants you guys to bang.

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:44pm

It's my family! I can't just ignore them... cause of their political views.

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:45pm

you can't? you're strange...

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:46pm

The umbilical check book is still attached.

[WOSQ]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:49pm

If they 'love' the president more than they love you, then stay home, snuggle, open pressies on the Eve, save a surprise one for the morning, go out to lunch, the movies, another movie and then dinner.

I know this is simplistic, but it seems you may think that if you don't spend the holiday with your blood family then it doesn't count.

Trust me on this.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 2:53pm

Tell your grandparents that Ivan has no place to go on Christmas and could he join your family> Then bring the mistletoe and keep it in your pocket until just before you leave, pull it out, plant a big wet one on Ivan and beat a hasty exit.

Your family will be talking about it for years.

[etoile]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 3:44pm

SOMMS always has a way of hitting the nail on the head.

And how does anyone conceivably think of inviting a stranger into someone's home without prior notification?

And since Christmas is over two months away, judging from past comments, I sense Ivan will be out of the picture long before then.

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 3:51pm

haha... awww... that's sad. but, probably true.

[BT]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 3:51pm

I agree with etoile that you shouldn't just bring someone along as a surprise if you know about it months in advance. Now, the way in which you characterize your relationship with Ivan is another matter. As far as I'm concerned you're obligated to tell the family that you would like to bring a guest, but telling them that the guest is your big bad gay lover is between you your heart and the closet.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 3:58pm

you do NOT, I repeat...you do NOT just bring someone home. You ask and give them the courtesy of saying yes, or no......and if it's no, DON'T GO.

I would never just bring someone home without asking......I just wasn't raised that way, and I doubt you were either.

[BT]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 4:00pm

yeah, listen to Mrs. Bucket ! ! !

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 4:03pm

I attended my first holiday at my girlfriend's family's place because I had "no where else to go." I almost NEVER heard the end of it from my family...lol.

You HAVE to at least tell them he is coming. You don't HAVE to break their conservative hearts for him to be present. If don't ask/don't tell works for the army, I say it should work for the holidays. Then you can tell them the rest of the story on St. Patty's Day. Are they Irish?

[pattifan2]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 4:15pm

I suppose it's a 'No' to just turning up with a boyfriend to one of your candlelight suppers then, Elphaba.....

[Elphaba]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 4:30pm

he must be invited pattifan, to one of the suppers. ;o)
And if he was with you, he is invited! Er, he does have a modicrum of royal blood somewhere, uh...right?


back to the issue at hand. You also do NOT tell your relatives you are bringing someone. You ask if you can, and then you decide what to do. It's simple courtesy.......let them be the idiots captain, not you.

[cturtle]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 5:43pm

since my partner and i have been together, my parents have never invited us to anything. we drop by occasionally, just for a short visit, but we've never been invited for a meal at any time, much less a holiday. a few years ago, we invited my parents for a christmastime dinner (not on christmas day) along with my partner's sister and her husband. it was a very civil gathering.

we almost always spend christmas day together exclusive of family. it's just more enjoyable for us.

[Calvin]

Posted: 10/6/05 at 5:58pm

My parents hated my ex. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was a guy -- it was because he was unambitious, unemployed and unsociable. (I wasn't seeing it at the time, but turns out Mom and Dad were right) For the sake of my sanity, I always split my holiday time between them.

If your grandparents are going to embrace their Bush-loving side and ban Ivan from coming (I'm assuming that they know you're gay, so the "he had nowhere else to go" thing probably won't work), and you still want to see them, splitting your day is the best option. It's something you'll have to do with in-laws eventually, anyway.