Corporate buzzwords...let's "think out of the box"
Corporate buzzwords...let's "think out of the box"
peach
Broadway Legend Joined: 3/29/05
#0Corporate buzzwords...let's "think out of the box"
Posted: 12/16/05 at 3:45pm
I thought I'd heard all the stupid corporate buzzwords out there, but I just got off of a two -hour conference call, and heard two new (to me anyway) buzzwords that made me laugh out loud.
1. "Programization" I don't even know where to begin with that one. That word is downright made-up!
But the one that had me rolling on the floor laughing (once I figured out what they meant by it) was...
2. "Sunset"
Evidently sunset is now a verb and it means to "get rid of." As in "we will sunset version 2 of the software in June and begin anew with version 3." And "we will sunset the carpet in the third floor conference room and replace it with wood flooring."
Does the madness ever end? Share your favorites.
Personally, I like "touch base." I want to say "Yeah - I triple dog dare ya to touch my base!"
#1re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 3:48pm
actual quote from the conference call I just got off of:
"...going forward, it's be super if we could just go ahead and reach out to the conference speakers and make sure everyone's on board to move ahead with the agenda."
::eyes glaze over::
#2re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 3:51pm
When I was @ Best Buy they were big on on "Customercentricity"
The next phase we're entering is "Customercentricity"...Snap on your customer service helmets, its the 5th star portal on the right!
From what I gathered it simply meant giving a crap about the customer...cause it was damn obcvious we weren't doing that before! 
#3re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 3:52pm
Do those movitvational posters piss anyone else off?
Strength
Discipline
Goals
and they all have some crappy "inspirational" art involving an ocean or sunset.
#4re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 3:56pm
Blue, you worked for Best Buy too? That place was hell. Have you ever been to bestbuysux.net?
peach
Broadway Legend Joined: 3/29/05
#5re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 3:57pm
Those motivational posters are the worst. I want to take a big Sharpie marker and write "Bite Me!" where the motivation is! I'm terrible...
But now that I know "sunset" means "To get rid of" maybe those posters have a double-meaning!
Updated On: 12/16/05 at 03:57 PM
brdlwyr
Broadway Legend Joined: 1/14/05
#6re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 3:57pm
Who moved my cheese?
How about demographic. I was at a social meeting planning a cigar and scotch party and someone said, "Then we would capture both demographics." Do you mean smokers and drinkers?
Updated On: 12/16/05 at 03:57 PM
#7re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 4:10pmWhen I worked at Sears, the company had this hilarious motivational video that kept repeating, "synergy Synergy SYNERGY!"
#8re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 4:14pmAre you sure you weren't watching JEM? It's an easy mistake to make.
joniray
Broadway Star Joined: 3/27/04
#9re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 4:16pm
"How transparent do we want to be?" always puts a funny visual in my head. 
I'm hearing "critical path" a lot lately. I find it annoying. What's wrong with the good ole' fashion "priority?" Especially since none of the things that I've heard the term refer to I consider "critical." I don't think anyone is going to lose their life or the company will go bankrupt if that report isn't finished in ten minutes.
touchmeinthemorning
Broadway Legend Joined: 9/3/04
#10re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 4:17pm
My favorite way to pass time at a board meeting:
http://www.robietherobot.com/buzzword.htm
And Bingo was his name-o!
#11re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 4:26pmparadigm
#12re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 4:32pm
bluewizard- unfortuetly, i was also part of the SEARS team once....*shudder*
the inspirational posters: i cracked up reading that, i am at my office right now staring up at one with-naturally- waves crashing against the shore
robbiej
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/20/03
#13re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 4:34pm
Those motivational posters are called:
SUCCESSORIES. I was once given one by some crazy bitch who thought I'd appreciate her. I shoulda slapped her across the face.
Though synergy is good, my personal favorite phrase is 'getting to yes.'
SorryGrateful
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/10/05
#14re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 4:53pm
"Are you sure you weren't watching JEM? It's an easy mistake to make."
Best off topic reference of the day. Thank you, cheno.
Dollypop
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/15/03
#15re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 5:01pm
As far as I know the word "dialogue" is a noun, but on Professional Development Days we are frequently directed "to dialogue with one another". It makes my skin crawl.
Then we teachers are always told our lessons must go "bell-to-bell"
#16re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 5:09pm
Greatest motivational poster ever: 
#17re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 5:12pmLOL nice
morosco
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/10/04
The Grovers Corners Yenta2
Broadway Star Joined: 5/17/05
#19re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 5:46pmI worked for The Travelers' in the 80's and 90's in health insurance. Multitasking, powerlunch and prioritize were popular buzz words then. The majority of people who used buzzwords werefrequently laid off due to corporate downsizing. { another buzzword !} I am glad I left the insurance industry. Corporate buzzwords make my ears bleed the same way words such as awsesome and amazing do.
pushdabutton
Broadway Legend Joined: 12/2/05
#20re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/16/05 at 11:06pm
The word employee is no longer used. Everyone is now an associate.
You need to be proactive.
At the end of the day.
And anything with the word team in it.
#21re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/17/05 at 12:52amI just saw Syriana, so I must add the term "due diligence" -- an empty promise I see a lot.
Dollypop
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/15/03
#22re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/17/05 at 8:46am
My darling students have somehow become aware of these phrases. Yesterday I reprimanded a boy for talking to his neighbor when he should have been writing an essay. His response was: "I'm not talking, I'm multi-tasking".
Damned kids!
Jon
Broadway Legend Joined: 2/20/04
#23re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/17/05 at 9:32amThis is nothing new. In the 50's, it was "Let's run it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes it!"
iflitifloat
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/10/03
#24re: Corporate buzzwords...let's 'think out of the box'
Posted: 12/17/05 at 9:54am
On a low tolerance day, my husband received an email containing this paragraph:
"The solution enables F**'s transition to the Internet protocol multimedia subsystem (IMS) architecture and enables next-generation capabilities, including fixed mobile convergence (FMC) and hosted session initiation protocol (SIP) services. T******'s IMS architecture drives switching for both MiRS' entire mobile device line and SIP-based clients, and it supports the execution of common network applications."
Something in him snapped, and he sent the following reply:
Hi D****,
I don't know why I would single out your release, it's no different from a thousand others. But looking at the key paragraph, where you explain what the technology is, all I can see is meaningless jargon.
solution
enables
transition
architecture
enables
next-generation
capabilities
architecture
drives
supports
execution
applications
I'm sorry, that's not English. Sure, I sort of know what it means, because I read this flak-speak every day, but don't you ever hope to actually be able to understand a release without having to perform a translation in your head? I do. And unless something seems really important, which this decidedly doesn't, I, and I suspect a thousand other recipients, won't bother.
Regards,
S*****
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