[the Simpsons have accidentally built a barn from a pool kit] Homer: All right, everybody in the pool. Amish Farmer: 'Tis a fine barn, but sure 'tis no pool, English. Homer: D'oh-eth!
Mulder: Look at this, Scully: there has been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away. Scully: Well, gee Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight. Mulder: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.
Lisa: I like him. He's smart, he's sensitive, he's clearly not obsessed with his physical appearance... Homer: [walking by] My ears are burning. Lisa: Uh, I wasn't talking about you, Dad. Homer: No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip. Marge: Mmm...
Reverend Lovejoy: This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate.
Reverend Lovejoy: This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate.
[Bart's looking for his dog] Willy: Yeah, I bought your mutt - and I 'ate 'im. [Bart gasps] Willy: I 'ate 'is little face, I 'ate 'is guts, and I 'ate the way 'e's always barkin'. So I gave 'im to the church. Bart: Ohhh, I see... you HATE him, so you gave him to the church. Willy: Aye. I also 'ate the mess he left on me rug. [Bart stares] Willy: Ya heard me.
Chief Wiggum: All right, you scrawny beanpoles: becoming a cop is _not_ something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge. Man: Forget about the badge. When do we get the freakin' guns? Chief Wiggum: Hey, I told you, you don't get your gun until you tell me your name. Man: I've have it up to here with your "rules".
Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the boogeyman was after me, and he was hiding under... Homer: AHHHHHHHH! BOOGEYMAN! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun! [Homer bursts into Bart's room] Homer: Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a boogeyman or boogeymen in the house! Bart: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! with your "rules".
Mr. Burns: Before you begin, let me make one thing clear to you. I want your legal advice, I even pay for it. But to me you're all vipers. You live on personal injury, you live on divorces, you live on pain and misery. But I'm rambling. Anybody want any coffee? Lawyer: I'll have some coffee. Mr. Burns: Want it black, don't you? Black like your heart. It's so hard for me to listen to you, I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH. I'm sorry, it's my problem, I'll deal with it. Please continue. Lawyer: If you offer Mr. Simpson a token sum, say a couple of thou, he'll be so dazzled he'll sign anything you shove under his nose. Mr. Burns: Oh, brilliant, a cash settlement. I COULD HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT, YOU BUTTONED-DOWN MAGGOT. Lawyer: Do you have any cream? Mr. Burns: Oh yes, of course. Where are my manners?
Mr. Burns: We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract. Homer: [thinking] Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me? Mr. Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Homer: [thinking] Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me? Mr. Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm? Homer: [thinking] My God. He *is* coming onto me. Mr. Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows. [chuckle] Mr. Burns: [wink] Homer: [thinking] Aaaaaagh! [aloud] Homer: Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no. my manners?
Barney: I'm Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic. Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scout meeting. Barney: Is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit that you have a problem?
Rainer Wolfcastle: [singing] Mein bratwurst has a first name, it's F-R-I-T-Z / Mein bratwurst has a second name, it's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N.
Marge: I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place. Homer: No, we won't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21. Marge: Won't that warp him? Homer: My cousin Frank did it. Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank. Homer: He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now.
Dr. Hibbert: Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation. Homer: Say it in English, Doc. Dr. Hibbert: You're going to need open-heart surgery. Homer: Spare me your medical mumbo-jumbo. Dr. Hibbert: We're going to cut you open and tinker with your ticker. Homer: Could you dumb it down a shade?
Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns. Mr. Burns: Nonsense! Dogs are idiots. Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what would you say? Smithers: If *you* did it, sir?
Dr. Nick: [singing] The kneebone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch... Uh oh.
Lisa: Relax? I can't relax. Nor can I yield, relent, or... Only two synonyms? Oh my God, I'm losing my perspicacity. Aaaaa! Homer: Well, it's always in the last place you look. .
Judge: Mr. Hutz, do you know you're not wearing any pants? Lionel Hutz: I move for a bad court thingy. Judge: You mean a mistrial? Lionel Hutz: Yeah... that's why you're the judge, and I'm the law... talkin'... guy.
Bart: If you do that, I'm going to tell everyone you peed during Harry Potter!
Milhouse: I wasn't scared, I was just peeing!
"This is what I trained to do, and this is what I love about theater. What I love about being an actress is being able to really look into myself and understand another human being. And out my own self, to shape and form and fashion a real human being--and to present that in such a way that people see something of themselves or their own understanding in that human being."
--Phylicia Rashad
why bother going out, we're just gonna end up back here anyway
Attend the tale of Bovine Boy
His party threads we all enjoy
But does he have Mad Cow Disease?
He doesn't eat beef - but cows skating? - oh please!!!
With cocoa!?!
And lemonade!?!
The heifer-mad poster of Broadway
(World)
