Have you no compassion?

[Rose_MacShane]

Posted: 8/1/07 at 10:12pm

The utter lack of compassion in some people astounds me sometimes.

I was at dinner tonight and sitting near me was an old woman who had clearly had a pretty debilitating stroke. She was with her husband, her daughter and her granddaughter. Her family virtually ignored her; her husband was the only one who had any appreciable contact with her, and he would only interact with her when he fed her.

Now, I know very little about strokes, but it seemed like the woman was in pain or was maybe having facial spasms, judging by her expression. The fact that her family seemed perfectly content to pretend she wasn't there was bad enough. The real kicker, though, was when the husband got up to get something and the daughter zipped over to her and hissed at her, "Will you stop it?! Everyone is staring at you!" I wanted to punch the b!tch.

It's just appalling, isn't it?

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 8/1/07 at 10:31pm

It's ignorant and scary for the woman because that's borderline abuse. And if it's that bad in public, think what it is in private.

They need some education from medical professionals to understand just how much she still comprehends and what she is capable of doing with their assistance. Sometimes people in those situations need to be removed to care facilities to protect them. She should at least have a regular visiting nurse monitoring the situation and perhaps a guardian.

[Ivan the Wonderful]

Posted: 8/1/07 at 10:33pm

I can't eat around disfigured people. I know it is not nice, but they make me very nervous and sick feeling.

[iflitifloat]

Posted: 8/1/07 at 10:35pm

Or maybe the woman was a horrible witch all her life and is reaping what she has sown over the years.

Probably not, but sometimes there is more to the story.

[Ivan the Wonderful]

Posted: 8/1/07 at 10:36pm

iflitifloat is that a flag cake in your avatar? It looks yummy.

[madbrian]

Posted: 8/1/07 at 10:43pm

Sometimes, people who have gone through serious, disabling medical struggles become very depressed and are difficult to live with and deal with. This by no means condones mean or abusive behavior, but sometimes a person who appears to be being ignored has actually withdrawn from family and friends.

Also, unless you are aware of the medical history, you can't assume that the person has had a stroke. For example, some brain tumors can cause permanent facial nerve damage, and the symptoms seem very much like the remnants of a stroke.

[iflitifloat]

Posted: 8/1/07 at 10:44pm

I baked it myself.

[Ivan the Wonderful]

Posted: 8/1/07 at 10:45pm

*passes plate and asks for a big hunk*

[Izzy's Baby]

Posted: 8/1/07 at 10:52pm

*compassionates*

[Jane2]

Posted: 8/1/07 at 10:58pm

Ivan, are you over or under 12?

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 8/1/07 at 11:00pm

iflitifloat and Jane2 always have great icons.

[Ivan the Wonderful]

Posted: 8/1/07 at 11:17pm

LOL Jane. I am 23.
I like alot of the avatars here.

[Jane2]

Posted: 8/1/07 at 11:53pm

edited out. Why am I arguing with this.

Updated On: 8/2/07 at 11:53 PM

[Rose_MacShane]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:04am

"I can't eat around disfigured people. I know it is not nice, but they make me very nervous and sick feeling."

Aaaaaaaand thank you for being such a prime example of what I'm talking about!

madbrain, I concede that it's very possible that the situation you described was happening (and also that I may be wrong about her condition), but it still makes me sick to see someone that ill be treated like that.

iflit: Regardless of what she was like before, I don't understand how anyone could treat someone that way when they're as handicapped as this woman was. I know you're just playing devil's advocate, but still...

[Ivan the Wonderful]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:08am

I can't help the way I feel Rose. It sounds like everyone in that family would be happier if the lady was in a home.

[Rose_MacShane]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:14am

So that makes it okay to treat her the way they did?

[Jane2]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:23am

Ivan, so do you act like an A-H*** on these boards just to be obnoxious, or can't you help it?

And yes, I am putting you on ignore because I'd rather not be subjected to the stupidity of your posts.

[Ivan the Wonderful]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:30am

Hey at least I am honest. Rose did you have trouble eating because that woman was there?

[Rose_MacShane]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:37am

No, I did not. Her eating did not bother me at all.

Now let me ask you this: If a member of your family suffered a debilitating illness, would you stick them in a home so you didn't have to look at them?

[Ivan the Wonderful]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:40am

Some yes, some no.

[RockabyeHamlet]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:41am

That is truly awful. I work in hospice, and far too often, older, sick and possibly dying people are put into homes or hospitals because their families are too busy or don't want to deal with them.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:46am

I think it really is a matter of both education and fully integrating people with disabilities to be around people without so they get used to seeing them and think of them as ordinary people with a challenge rather than have that kind of shocked sensation and feeling scared of them or too sorry for them that they don't see the person as someone you can just go up to and say hi and talk to.

It desensitizes the reaction, like the one Ivan is having. Now Ivan, if you had a close friend get a disability in an accident and you stayed friends with them you'd probably gradually see disability in a different way.

[Jane2]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:52am

I don't think it's a matter of any of that.

If you're a person who's disgusted by the sight of disfigurement and has no compassion for the disabled, then YOU are disabled and should be ashamed of yourself rather than talk about it under the guise of "honesty."

[RockabyeHamlet]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:58am

"I can't eat around disfigured people. I know it is not nice, but they make me very nervous and sick feeling."

- Ok, well then let me be honest now. Reading your posts makes me very nervous and gives me a sick feeling.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:59am

Can be sometimes, Jane.

But there is also a fear that people have when they see someone with bad injuries that they could be injured in that way and it scares them and they don't want to think about it so they avoid the person. Which is isolating for the injured person, like adding an additional injury.

RoackabyeHamlet, I admire you for working in a hospice. It's so helpful for the dying to have someone to help them transition into the idea of death. Hospices were wonderful to various of my relatives that have passed.