Have you no compassion?- Page 2

[Ivan the Wonderful]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 1:07am

It is not that I do not have compassion but I can't be around it. I respect you if you can, but that is just the way I was made.

[Jane2]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 1:10am

Updated On: 8/2/07 at 01:10 AM

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 1:12am

It takes time and familiarity to desensitize that reaction.

[Roninjoey]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 1:12am

He doesn't have to deal with it if he doesn't want to. Why are you getting on his case? It's not like he walks up to handicapped people and berates them.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 1:15am

Jane may be so far beyond that reaction that she can't remember back to when she had it, if she ever did.

Empathetic people also have a hard time being around injured people because they tend to take on their pain. This can be another reason for avoidance.

[Jane2]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 1:15am

Updated On: 8/2/07 at 01:15 AM

[Rose_MacShane]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 1:16am

God, I'm sorry I started this thread...

[Jane2]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 1:19am

"Jane may be so far beyond that reaction that she can't remember back to when she had it, if she ever did."

I'll just add this-Whatever my reaction is or has been-I have enough respect for the poor person who has to suffer with disfigurement to bury any negative reaction I may have. I put their feelings before mine-get it?

If you can't do that, then you need to work on yourself.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 1:29am

Ivan you are such an immature little schmuck.
It never ceases to amaze me with the filth that comes out of your fingers. Truly I hope the crap you spew will one day come back and smack you in the face....and frankly I hope it smacks very, VERY hard.

Updated On: 8/2/07 at 01:29 AM

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 1:30am

I agree, Jane2.

But you can do more than bury it. You can evaluate your reaction, ask why you have it and do you need to have it and move on so you hopefully don't have it any more.

I used to long ago feel terribly sorry when I had the rare experience of seeing someone in a wheelchair, for example, and I didn't know what to say to them. But now I've seen so many I just see the person in the chair and say hi. Updated On: 8/2/07 at 01:30 AM

[DG]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 4:26am

"and frankly I hope it smacks very, VERY hard."

Elph - according to him it already has! We're all supposed to feel his pain because of his supposed disinherritance. I have a tendancy to believe his little tale of woe, since it would go a long way toward explaining the disgustingly vile things he's posted that we've had to read.

And those who are trying to intellectually defend his rantings? Mental masturbation.

[iflitifloat]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 7:28am

I've worked in hospitals for almost thirty years, and have done occasional stints in nursing homes, rehab centers, and Alzheimer's units. I have a special affinity for old people. And I've never shied away from the disabled or disfigured.

But I can also tell you, from years of experience, that having a stroke or some other disabling event doesn't suddenly turn a mean, nasty, tyrannical person into some who is lovable. Or worthy of sympathy. Usually, it just amplifies the negatives. It's possible that what Rose witnessed was a family who WAS looking beyond the disability and seeing the real person. Again, probably not. But it is a possibility.

Updated On: 8/2/07 at 07:28 AM

[artscallion]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 8:45am

I suspect there's some truth in that Iflit. I think being compassionate towards someone who's suffered a terrible blow is one thing. But you really can't know what the family dynamic is, separate from the disability. My mother and I have a...um...challenging... relationship. We love each other but we bicker pretty regularly.

If she were to suddenly suffer a stroke, I would certainly feel compassion for what she was going through and do whatever it took to help make it easier for her. But, outside of that, I don't think she would really want me to stop dealing with her as I always had. If I suddenly started coddling her and stopped our usual banter, I'd think that might make her feel worse, like I wasn't treating her as a full person anymore.

I actually, usually have a negative reaction when I see people cooing and fawning over someone who is elderly or disabled. I find it condescending and imagine the person on the receiving end must hate being treated that way. I think treating them as you always have, but with an extra bit of compassion for their situation is what I prefer.

I really can't comment on the particular family you mention because I didn't see what happened and I don't know what their situation is from their point of view. I think it's a complicated issue.

[Jane2]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 9:23am

To those who are repulsed by disfigurement or lack compassion for it-did you ever put yourself in those peoples' shoes?

I have a sibling who doesn't look quite "normal." When I'm out with her, and people stare or make faces, do you know how that hurts her, as well as me?

THAT is what I mean by burying your feelings-for that moment, can you think of someone else for a minute instead of your own goodlooking self? Can you be grateful that you don't look weird and try to treat the other person as if they're not a freak?

Edited to say that when I said"'your goodlooking self" I do not mean that Ivan is goodlooking. It's a metaphor.

Updated On: 8/2/07 at 09:23 AM

[Elphaba]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 10:23am

I doubt, Jane, that Ivan or what ever his next sceenname is has ever thought about anyone but himself his entire short life. He seems to be a very 'ME, ME, ME" persona.

DG I don't know the story about his disinheritance, but if true he needs to realzie the loss of money is nothing compared to his loss of humanity.....if there was ever any to begin with.

I have never known anyone to whom the term "Diarrhea of the mouth" applies more fittingly.

Updated On: 8/2/07 at 10:23 AM

[Jane2]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 10:44am

Elph, you are so right and for that reason I'm not going to waste my time responding to he/she/it.

Immaturity is the root of its problems. Come back later when you grow up.

[DG]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 11:15am

"I know just how she feels. Exactly. Trust me it is not a good feeling to be cut off like that when you are used to living a certain way."

Elph - he's mentioned it a few times (under different names, of course.) This is the last one I know about, which he added to the 'Paris Hilton dis-inherited' thread.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 11:18am

was this about the guy he was dating to get a fancy car, or about Daddy's money? It certainly wasn't about money HE worked for and earned. Has he ever worked....and I am not counting the Target job or the McDonald's job.

[robbiej]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 11:27am

'Has he ever worked....and I am not counting the Target job or the McDonald's job.'

Ivan is a racist dumbf*ck...so I expect nothing of him.

But that comment was really pretty offensively classist.

[iHeartMyGeek]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 11:31am

Jesus, Ivan...I've got a plastic eye, would I make you so physically sick that you wouldn't be able to eat around me? I'm so sorry that I and so many other disabled and disfigured people are inconveniencing you by existing.

[Calvin]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 11:36am

(guys -- i don't even think that's really him, so you're arguing with a sock puppet)

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 11:38am

Calvin is right. Responding to him or HDT is pointless...their posts are written to get a rise out of you.

[tazber]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 11:46am

For the record, Ivan is not C_O/fiction writer/ABSteel.
It's someone posing as him to bait you guys.
Like him or hate him, the real one is still banned.

[DG]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:34pm

*sigh*

Well, then I guess the imposter got what they wanted - I DO think what they've said is grotesque. And that, in-and-of-itself, doesn't change because it's a fake person.

I will never understand this compunction. Never.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 8/2/07 at 12:45pm

cause you're a normal person, dg...

dont feed the sock puppets!