I Enjoy Being a Girl Vol 2! — Page 98

I'm actually really, really, really excited about that Sherlock Holmes movie.

Maisie, your hair is adorable!

I never believe that anybody would be attracted to me. Sorta like yeah the face is okay, but when they see the body I expect disgust from them. And I expect everybody to have that same conversation that A and B had about me. It really sucks, but that's what I expect.
Yeah, I'm not overweight, but I'm curvier than my stick-thin sister and best friend, and I feel the same way. I always feel like I can't imagine anyone being attracted to me... I mean, I don't even like going out in public with my sister because it makes me feel so insecure and feel like everyone's talking about me and comparing us. I mean, it's always on my mind, whatever I do-- I just can't enjoy myself doing stuff.

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Schmerg and luscious, you are both beautiful. Different guys/girls out there go for different things...for every douchenozzle who thinks anyone over a size two is disgusting, there are ten guys/girls who will think you're perfect the way you are. They only seem rare because they aren't the kind of idiots that have to proclaim and announce what they find attractive to make themselves feel like they have (misguided) higher standards. The trick is just finding these people. I can be pretty insecure (I'm also friends with some very skinny minnies), but I find that when I'm in one of those moods where I just don't care, people are way more responsive. It sounds cliche, but it really is all about confidence (which takes a while to get, for sure).

That was my motivational speech for the evening, so now I curse you all with a picture...I'm aware I look absolutely psychotic, like I'm going to jump out of a shower and stab someone, but it was the only one I took where you could *kind* of see my hair (which really does look the same).

PS-Sorry I'm photo happy tonight but - In the time since coming home from the vet I managed to turn a laundry basket into a crib for Sasha - who is QUITE HAPPY. had to share..

Hey everybody!!!! Let's see if I can get all caught up...

Maisie & Jag absolutely gorgeous photos ladies, your hair looks awesome.

Shh, I read the f*cktard A and f*cktard B story and I was pissed beyond belief!!!! If I were even remotely into guys they really wouldn't like me. For one I am by no means skinny. I'm curvy in all the right places and that's fine by me. I'd rather have ass and boobs than potentially sliding off chairs when sitting down because I don't have any "cushion" in the back. Secondly I don't take sh*t!!! (unless I REALLY like someone then I think I'm more of a doormat but I digress). Sometimes I think I have more mouth than I should, especially if I've just gotten to the point where I genuinely don't give a flying teste!!! I have the sneaking suspicion that I would have called those 2 on their sh*t and really embarrassed them for being such bitches.

I was talking to my friend today on my cell phone and apparently I have this really annoying habit of eating while on the phone with people. I don't know if I'm a "Loud Chewer" or a "Smacking Masticator" but he totally called me on it today. He said "Bitch what the f*ck are you eating, glass?! G--damn!!!" I told him I was eating cherries with sweetened cream cheese (sooooo delicious!!!) And he, being the clever and slightly dirty gay man that he is, said "How dare you have sex with some random slag while you're on the phone with me!!!! I don't know why but I got a major chuckle out of that, because as well as he knows me he thinks I'm ALWAYS out with god knows who, doing god knows what in disgusting bathroom stalls at the bar. Speaking of which I think I have to find a new bar to hang at because I feel some serious douchebagery is afoot at my usual spot. Meanie McGee (a horrible canker sore of a bartender) has been, according to friends of friends, talking some unnecessary sh*t about me and my friends. Saying that we don't tip her enough. Well if she wasn't so fluent in BITCH we'd tip her way more. First of all she acts like it's such a burden to make my drink!!! It's literally 2 ingredients, build a bridge and GET OVER IT!!! Then because that task was just soooo exhausting for her and the glass is too heavy, she sloshes the alcohol around in the glass and it spills on the bar. Why would I tip you extra for spilling my drink when I still have to pay a full $4.50 for half a cocktail?! The thing is, it's not just me and my people that don't like her, no one does. She mans the right side of the bar while the nice, sweet and just plain sexy Chelsea handles the left side of the bar. The left is always packed with people laughing, ordering drinks joking around with Chelsea and all that. But the right looks like the Sahara and barren cuz Meanie's struck again. What a beast!!! It sucks a little because once you strip away and ignore the layers and layers of Whoring-Strumpet she's actually kinda hot. Oh well....*sigh*

*Tofu Rant Finis*

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Ambition sucks.

I'm a competitive and ambitious person, at least in my dreams. IRL I can barely get work.

I'd like to work steadily, as dastardly as this economy is, but I'm also cursed with this desire to be super successful.

LOSER.

Re: appearances. Someone told me recently that I might lose a few pounds. "Not much--maybe 5 pounds would do it." I looked at him and said, "Do _what_, exactly?"

He blinked at me.

I said, "Ohhh, I get it. You want to do a pact for self-improvement. I lose a couple of pounds and you lose 20 pounds, get a haircut and get some better clothes. I see. Iiiiii see."

He said, "No, that's not what I meant." I said, "Sure it is. You are offering advice to me, because you recognize your own flaws as well. Hey, this is a sucker pact, too--I have far less to do than you do. When do you want to start?"

He shut up, like, for good. And I saw him put the bagel back on the conference table.

SUCK IT, JERK.

Updated On: 7/29/09 at 06:22 AM

You go, nygrl!!!!!!

Did you guys watch More to Love last night? There was a pretty large discrepancy between the sizes of the women. Like some were 5'8" and 180, and others were 5'3" and 230 lbs. I am convinced he'll pick the skinniest one even though he claims to not care about their size.

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I always feel like I can't imagine anyone being attracted to me... I mean, I don't even like going out in public with my sister because it makes me feel so insecure and feel like everyone's talking about me and comparing us.


Schmerg, that was my life growing up. I was the chunky drama kid and my sister was the super popular surfer girl. I know EXACTLY what you talking about when you are in public with your sis. That all eventually shifts and evens out as you get older. (Really!) btw, I saw your pic on the IEBAG FB event page and you are adorable!

Jag, et all- I know. It's all about confindence and truly if you met me, you'd really never see the insecurity. A) Because I've become a master at faking confindence, B) nobody wants to be around a woe-is-me insecure brat, C) most of time I don't really care either. For the most part, I am really confident..it's like an 80/20 percent thing. I'd 80% very confident is good. It's mostly just when it comes to guys...and well, girls now, I guess. Any of my friends who've actually seen me truly freak out get really upset, because they're so unused to seeing me lose my cool like that.

But isn't sorta nice and sorta sad that we all feel this way. Nice because you know you're not alone and pretty much everybody feels this way about something or at some point. But sad, because we're all beautiful, smart, funny women (and men) who are great catches and we shouldn't feel like this, but society has programmed us to do so. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes. It's from Margaret Cho and if you have me on facebook you've probably seen this, but I'm gonna post it anyway, cause I think it's strong and inspiring.

"And I have a lot of self-esteem, which is amazing- because I'm probably somebody who wouldn't necessarily have a lot of self-esteem, as I am considered a minority. And if you are a woman, if you're a person of color, if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, if you're a person of size, if you're a person of intelligence, if you're a person of integrity...then YOU are considered a minority in this world. And it's gonna be really hard to find messages of self-love and support anywhere--especially women's and gay men's culture. It's all abouthow you have to look a certain way or else you're worthless. You know when you look in the mirror and you think 'ugh, I'm so ugly. I'm so fat. I'm so old.' Don't you know that's not your aunthentic self? But that is billions upon billions of dollars of advertising- magazines, movies, billboards...all geared to make you feel ****ty about yourself so that you will take your hard earned money and spend it at the mall on some turnaround creme that doesn't turn around ****! If you don't have self-esteem, you will hesitate before you do anything in your life. You will hesitate to go for the job you really wanna go for. You will hesitate to ask for a raise. You will hesitate to call yourself an American. You will hesitate to report a rape. You will hesitate to defend yourself when you are discriminated against because of your race, your sexuality, your size, your gender. You will hesitate to vote. You will hesitate...to dream. For us to have self-esteem is truly an act of revolution. And our revolution is long overdue. I urge you all today, especially today, in these times of terrorism and chaos to love yourselves without reservation--and to love each other without restraint. Unless you're into leather. Then by all means use restraints. Thank you." ~ Margaret Cho

I'm so with you girls on the self esteem front. I've been overweight most of my life. A few years back, I lost over 50 lbs. but in the following years, I've gained a majority of it back.
I have good days and bad days. I'm down on myself right now, but obviously not enough to get motivated to lose it. I'm trying to eat a little better, but exercising is always a challenge. I'd like to loss some, but I know I will NEVER be a skinny girl, and I'm OK with that. But I'd at least like to be an average girl! :P

JAG2, the word 'douchenozzle' never fails to make me giggle hysterically...

But yeah, no one I know in real life guesses that I'm insecure about myself (other than the fact that when I do theatre, I always change in the bathroom rather than in the dressing room, but most people don't notice that). I wasn't expecting to go out on a long rant on here, but it just kind of happened...

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I second what Stock said. You're all beautiful on the inside and outside.

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Piano- That's is weird. At least you know yourself well enough to be able to just laugh at them.

Tofu- By the way your friend's comment after you told him you were eating cherries...priceless...awesome...hysterical

As for the image conversation- I hear ya guys. I've been overweight my whole life and it's been a struggle forever. I've gained far more than 100 pounds since the end of high school (and I was big then). I gained 70 in the last couple years alone, but that was mostly because of the tumor. It messed with my hormones and it sent me into the binge eating habits, quicly getting very close to becoming a full-blown disorder. Now that my tumor has leveled off, my eating is better and I've lost some weight. But it's still hard. It's very nice of you all to tell us we're beautfiul (and so are you). And it's appreciated, but when you've learned that the world values you less just because of something like weight...it's hard. No matter what. Yes, some people will overlook it...and that's awesome. But a lot won't. So it just makes the confidence part harder. And Leia...I hear ya. When you have someone so poisonous in your life, it's even harder to get better. I had someone like that too...who taught me that there was something wrong with me. That I had to overcompensate because of my weight. She even told me that my friends would be embarassed to be around me and even that they wouldn't want me in their weddings cause I'd "ruin the pictures". She meant to say that I'd make it harder to find dresses for the bridesmaids, but those aren't the words that came out of her mouth. It sucks and it hurts and when it's someone important to you those words get in your brain, whether you try to ignore them or not. Luckily for me, that person and I healed our relationship and now have a great relationship, but that damage has been done. Ya know.