I need some emotional support- Page 2

[george95]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:40pm

This is such a touchy subject.

I have found that out-and-proud gay dudes are some of the most bullying, pushy people out there.

Just try and tell somebody that you're not going to the gay pride parade and see what happens: "arent you proud of being gay?" "are you still in the closet or something?"

Sometimes it seems like when guys come out, it gives them a feeling of superiority of guys who have not come out.....a license to judge them.

So b-waywriter, come out if you want to....if its right for you. Do not listen to anybody tell that life will be totally crappy or totally perfect if you choose to come out/not come out. Its what you make of it either way.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:41pm

As Wendie Malick said in the curiously watchable tv movie where she played Dear Abby and Ann Landers, "Don't borrow trouble." It just seems silly to waste a Saturday night moping about a hypothetical problem you may or may not have to deal with sometime years down the line.

[best12bars]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:43pm

LOL, Tom.

These days I could BE the float.

But that's another story, and for another thread...

God love you for sayin' it, though!

[BkCollector]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:44pm

"If family and loved ones don't accept him, that's their problem.THEY will have to deal with that. He's done nothing wrong"

That is bull ****. If you love your family, you'll know if they can handle it, and if they can't that's something that you have to deal with (ALWAYS), and while you've done nothing wrong, after coming out, it's usually the family that needs the help if there's a problem more than the person that just came out to them. When and if you decide to come out to your family, you'lll have already gone through part of your own coming out process, so you'll have already come out to yourself, and then you have a job to do when coming out to your family, it's not just "pass the salt, I'm gay" If you love your family then it will take work for them to be able to process it. You can't just drop a bomb like that and think they will be ok (unless you know your family, and you think they will be ok, but from what you've written, maybe they won't) and that's a very real issue that YOU have to deal with, no one else.

[mc1227]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:45pm

"mc-If family and loved ones don't accept him, that's their problem.THEY will have to deal with that. He's done nothing wrong. It's much more important that writer live openly the way God or whomever created him. The other people will have to learn to accept that, and if they don't, they aren't worth it"

No, its his problem as well. While intellectually we all know that he has done nothing wrong, emotionally is a totally different animal. It takes a great deal of strength to get to the point you are referring to, not to mention time. It's not so easy for everyone to turn away from their comfort zone and realize that relationships they've had all their lives will never be the same again.

[george95]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:47pm

This is what I'm saying........in the World Of Gay, it really seems like if you show the least bit of worry about coming out, or about worrying about how your family will feel....people will look at you like you have two heads.

[best12bars]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:49pm

One of the weirdest things I went through when I came out was realizing that I had "signed up" (for lack of a more functional term at the time) to becoming a minority.

I was no longer, Joe Average. White Guy From Kansas. A WASP.

I was now a minority... an outcast... an "other" on the forms we always have to fill out for anything.

That one hit me upside the head.

And you know what? I loved it. I realized that it was worth it. I still think so.

And I'm not such a minority. The more I go through life, the more I realize that the Average Joe is the real minority. That American Dream Guy with his job for life, his wife for life, his 2.5 kids and his beautiful-yet-modest home in the fictional suburbs.

It BARELY exists. And even if/when it does...

IT's the minority. Not the rest of us with our real lives.

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:49pm

mc,I hear what you're saying but I still maintain that one's own feeling about oneself is far more important than what others think.

We all have to live with ourselves, and if a person is comfortable living a lie, well, I'd be surprised.

[mc1227]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:51pm

I agree George. That's why I love Nathan Lane's story of coming out when he felt it was the right time to do so, both personally and career wise. He said something to the effect that he was from an era that people weren't marching in parades and showing their "gayness". Everyone has to do what is right for themselves. If they don't come out it doesn't make them any less gay. Live and let live.

[BkCollector]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:51pm

delete Updated On: 4/26/08 at 09:51 PM

[george95]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:53pm

come on lets keep this convo respectful i'm enjoying it

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:56pm

See a shrink!

[tazber]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:59pm

No point in hiding it for the sake of you potential career.


Based on your post I'd say it's gonna become known at some point, and then you'll have to deal with being scandalized.

[best12bars]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 10:02pm

I just LOVE being scandalized, every now and then.

[mc1227]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 10:02pm

Jane, in a perfect world I totally agree with your statement. But this is a troubled young man and I was just commenting on the difficulties in coming out when he is obviously very torn on the matter. Someday he will realize that you have to please yourself before you can please anyone else, but I'm not sure the teen aged years are the easiest time for that particular life lesson. But I agree about going to see a professional. That would be the best thing to do at this point.

[tazber]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 10:05pm

Scandal is fun besty. I say the OP should do it George Michael style in a public restroom.
Kinda give the old career a shot in the arm, so to speak.

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 10:08pm

mc, yes, I agree about the shrink also. Hearing all our different opinions might be interesting to Broadway writer (god, we're talking about him like he wasn't here!)

This could be confusing, writer-maybe a therapist would be better for this issue.

[best12bars]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 10:10pm

Oh, Tazzy, you do think big, don't you?

[tazber]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 10:11pm

Jane, are you implying that such a serious issue can't be resolved on a public theater message board?

Pshaw!

[BkCollector]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 10:11pm

For God's sake! Doesn't listen to us! Talk to a professional. I agree with jane, MC and Phyllis (and anyone else who said it) in this instance.

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 10:14pm

LOL-Taz. As much as we're all anxious to help, in the long run, are we?

This is like when someone asks for medical advice here!

[broadwaywriter]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 10:14pm

I think it may have been unclear to some of you in my original post, but I have come out to my family and close friend (who love me for it) and it was fine. Everything has been going along really smoothly and I've just recently let one thing lead to another until I've just broken down from trying to become something I'm not I guess. Some of you have helped me, but I guess I need to help myself a little bit, too. I don't think I need to see a therapist or anything because this is not usually a problem with me. Who knows if I have an anxiety disorder, whatever. This kind've stuff doesn't always interfere with my everyday life, it's only these recent concentrated few days.

I think I'm really making myself sick more than anything. This kid who I like is most likely gay. I said it was hard to explain because I didn't want to waste space explaining him because I'm obviously not friends with him. He hangs out with all girls when he's not doing sports, he wears preppy clothes, (hes really hot), but there is something really clearly dark about him. I think he has a lot of emotional problems, whether or not he is gay, he just seems kind've depressed and if anything, angry + suppresses his emotions. I think by venturing into that crowd, I'm beginning to feel some of the pressures and identity issues that they face and other gay people in that group would face (whether or not this kid is gay).

Thank you for being so kind and responding to my original post. Oh, and I'm just curious. The poster who suggested I see someone about the line where I said I don't need to prove anything to you all (I can't see your name, it's on a different page) why did you think that?

[best12bars]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 10:16pm

Come on!

BWW is THE SOURCE for all things medical, legal and spiritual.

Oh... and political, God knows.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 10:23pm

The poster who suggested I see someone about the line where I said I don't need to prove anything to you all (I can't see your name, it's on a different page) why did you think that?

How old ARE you?

[george95]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 10:25pm

wow broadway writer your last post made me so glad I'm not in high school anymore.

I spent a loooooooooong loong long time having secret crushes on my straight friends. I really thought that was as far as being gay could go. Yeah I could see the gay person on The Real World or My So-Called Life, etc, but to me that was just TV/movies and not reality.

I convinced myself that straight boy after straight boy was actually gay, and if I just sat around, secretly crushing on them long enough, we'd run off and live our new lives together. It always ended tragically when that straight boy would get a girlfriend and I could no longer pretend that he was mine (creepy i know)

So broadwaywriter, I think your main source of anxiety and drama is this boy you like. You are making about 10,000 judgments about him that you have apparently figurd out just be observing him from afar.
So dont be afraid of "venturing into that crowd" as you say. Talk to him, and who knows, after a few conversations he may not seem so cute after all when you find out he's a big jerk or something. But go for it.....talk to him. And forget all about whether or not you will be outed in a scandal on Broadway in 2023. Just enjoy being a dramatic teenager for now.