"In an Open Relationship"
"In an Open Relationship"
Parks
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/5/04
#1"In an Open Relationship"
Posted: 11/9/10 at 5:30pm
What does this mean to you? I've thought about this a lot lately. One of my friends is in an open relationship, and I personally don't understand what that means. Both people are allowed to hook up with others. Is there really a difference between friends with benefits and being in an open relationship? Would you ever be in an open relationship?
Thoughts?
#2'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 5:37pm
In most open relationships I know of, the couple lives together. They either "play" together or they play together and seperately. They also make it clear that they are in love with their other half it is just that they like to have sex outside of the relationship at times. A lot of them also share their experiences outside of the relationship with each other. I was actually with a man in an open relationship and the 3 of us have become friends over the years. Me and that person no longer sleep together though.
Some people find it adds some spice to their relationship and some think it actually keeps their relationship together. Sometimes it is just the sex they want outside of the relationship and not the emotional side.
In my first relationship we weren't "open" but we did play around outside of it a few times. At this point, and actually for a long time now, I don't think I could be in one.
Because it's all about me! :)
StockardFan
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/19/08
#2'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 5:42pmLOL, Unc! But yeah, that's how I see the definition of an open relationship too. It's more serious emotionally than "friends with benefits". I don't think I could do it. I'd be a jealous mess, and paranoid about getting a disease.
#3'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 5:44pm
Personally, I couldn't do it. It's just not my thing. The thought of my partner getting off with someone else just makes me sad. Some people can handle it and some can't. Either way, everyone in the relationship has to be invested in the lifestyle 100% from the beginning or it will only lead to a painful mess.
I actually don't have a problem with open relationships, but I have a serious problem with anyone who believes homosexuality automatically implies an open relationship.
StockardFan
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/19/08
#4'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 5:50pmI could see how you would have a serious problem with that Mr. Matt. It's assuming that all gay people are promiscous (sp?). Which obviously is not true.
FindingNamo
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/22/03
#6'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 5:57pm
A book I recommend to people who are seriously interested in wrapping their brains around the idea, as opposed to people who only want to judge others is "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt. They define slut as "a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you."
That's a lot to take in, I know. It is possible to do so ethically.
a guide to infinite sexual possibilities
Unknown User
Joined: 12/31/69
#7'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 6:11pm
All I know about "Open relationships" is that they almost never work.
Just like monogamous ones.
FindingNamo
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/22/03
#8'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 6:21pmI think every single longterm gay male couple I know is sexually non-monogamous.
#9'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 6:30pmEvery couple, straight or gay, has to decide what's right for them at any given point in their relationship. As long as both people are being honest and loyal, I find nothing to be offended about. Cheating, lying and disloyalty are what I find offensive.
#10'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 6:38pm
I am with Namo on this one. Almost every long-term gay relationship I know is not monogamous. The vast majority of my friends are in relationship that are open and it works for them.
Now Triads are something it is hard for me to wrap my head around. I can't decide if I could do it.
Borstalboy
Broadway Legend Joined: 2/9/04
#11'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 6:39pm
I have never known a straight couple who has succeeded in a long term open relationship. Just sayin'...
For the record, Joe Kort in his book "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Love" states that sex with someone outside the relationship should be discussed beforehand per person. In other words, if one of the partner's wants to have sex with someone particular, he should discuss it with his partner first and the sexual experience should be "like a gift" from the other partner.
#12'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 9:26pm
I was in an open relationship for 2+ years. We had been together (on and off) for 6 years before that and when he moved to Denver, we still loved each other and wanted to stay together. We were allowed to hook up with others, but had to tell the other person if it was more than 3 times with the same person. It worked at the time for the situation we were in. There was very little jealousy on either part and when I would fly out there (or him back east) we were just as together as we ever were.
It ultimatey ended because of a lack of honesty (it wasn't the sex with someone else that bothered me) but we are at a good place now (it ended officially August of '09) where we are still hooking up when were in the same area of the country (which is rare, but...). I don't have any plans or inclination to fly out and visit him, but I like the place where we are now.
#13'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 9:31pmOssie Davis and Ruby Dee had an open marriage and, as far as I know, it worked for them. It probably won't work for everyone, but it works for some people. And I do think each couple has their own definition for "open relationship."
#14'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 9:39pm
I was actually the third with Ossie and Ruby.
I still miss them.
#15'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 9:45pmPics or it didn't happen.
FindingNamo
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/22/03
#17'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 10:02pmI love the presumptions in the Joe Kort rule: "Hi, honey? There's this guy and ... no ... I don't know his name, actually I can't see his face, but anyhoo, a part of him is in the video booth with me right now and I was just wondering if you wanted to get me an early Christmas present?"
#18'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 10:15pm
Wendilin, my little experience happened out here in Denver. A lot of open relationships out here.
I did not know that about Davis & Dee.
#19'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 10:24pm
In other words, if one of the partner's wants to have sex with someone particular, he should discuss it with his partner first and the sexual experience should be "like a gift" from the other partner.
Wait--you're kidding, right? If that's one of Joe Kort's "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Love," I shudder to think what the other 9 are.
===
"Honey, listen...I was thinking...you know how you're always wondering what to get me for my birthday?"
"Your birthday is in September. It's only April now."
"I know...but maybe you could get me an early birthday present."
"How early"
"Open the door!"
"What's Taylor the Latte Boy doing here?"
"SURPRISE! Happy early birthday...from YOU to ME!"
FindingNamo
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/22/03
#20'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 11:01pm
"Dahling, you SHOULDN'T have!"
"I didn't."
"Oh, let's not get boggged down in details. How did you know he was JUST what I wanted?"
"I didn't."
"Semantics, dahling, he and I are going to the bedroom so I can open my present."
#21'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 11:05pm
It all reminds me of Carl Magnus's lines to Charlotte from "Weekend in the Country:
"Happy birthday--it's your present."
"What?"
"You haven't been getting out nearly enough."
FindingNamo
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/22/03
#22'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 11:10pmI'm imagining a Nick and Nora Charles sarcasmathon.
#23'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 11:18pm
The decision to be open was probably the easiest and healthiest decision we made in our relationship.
It's everything ELSE that's a c*nt to deal with!
I mean honestly...you can't find the lid to the soup pot? Did you even open the cabinet? CAUSE IT'S RIGHT IN F*CKING FRONT OF YOU.
Nearly 8 years and I'm not in jail for killing him. I think it's going well.
#24'In an Open Relationship'
Posted: 11/9/10 at 11:52pm"That's not fair! Seems I gave you 75+ birthday presents this year and all you got me ifs this f*cking Rumba?"
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