In need of a bit of advice...Long story

First off, I do feel a bit foolish that I'm resorting to posting a thread on a message board in need of advice. I am hoping someone here has gone through something similar, as none of my friends honestly understand the situation. Also, as stupid as this may seem to some people, please don't make fun, I'm a bit on the fragile side at the moment.

Alright, so first a little back story: Almost two months ago I broke up with my boyfriend Brian. We were together for two years but it just wasn't working in general. We live together (and still do as our lease is up in February) but around the year mark, things just stopped working and we both finally had enough. It was a very mutual break up. Literally the day after, my friend told me I needed to have some fun and download Tinder. I figured "what the hell?" as I've been in a relationship for two years and I'm 25, so I deserve to be able to hang out with people. I ended up talking to this guy, his name is Matt. We had a ton in common and he was super awesome. We were talking about a movie that he's never seen and he said he should come over sometime to watch it. He ended up coming over that night, we watched the movie and ended up just laying in my bed talking all night and falling asleep. It was kind of magical and surreal, I've never had an experience like that before. For two weeks we literally spent like every night together and we were both falling hard for each other. He's younger than I am (20) and has only had one relationship that only lasted three months, so I was a bit hesitant but the chemistry was there, we got along so well, we were adorable together and it all just felt so right in a way that I've never felt with another guy before. He asked me to be exclusive, I agreed immediately. Obviously not what I was looking for but hey, the world works in mysterious ways, yes?

So my dilemma. I honestly think that he has a form a bipolar. I'm not just saying that as a jerk thing to say (my best friend has bipolar and I am very aware of how people with it act). Long story short: His family left him to move to South Carolina and his father passed away five months ago. He's in a very dark place right now and says that "I'm the only glimmer of happiness in his life." He has horrible mood swings all of the time and is constantly picking little fights with me over nothing. I'm incredibly understanding towards him because we have a lot of the same issues and he's just so young, so I give him a lot of leeway. It's starting to really take a toll on me emotionally though. Last week, I found out he lied to me about hanging out with his exboyfriend. They're friends and I'm alright with it, I only said I wanted to know if he hung out with him (his exboyfriend and I have a past, which is ridiculous, so I'm not getting into it) but I'm not controlling and he can do what he wanted. I just wanted to know. Well, he lied about it and I found out and it was this whole big thing, which eventually after three days got settled. Then last night, he flat out told me that he thought that I was more serious about this relationship than he was. It caught me off guard at first and I was incredibly angry but how he explained it was that his feelings for me are constantly growing but they are just at a slower pace than mine, which is totally alright, obviously. It just caught me off guard and I was kind of upset most of the night because I asked him why he would say some of the things he did and he said that some of the things he would say because "he thought I wanted to hear them" (which honestly only made me fall for him harder and quicker, so I wish he didn't) but it's not as bad as it sounded and the majority he has said to me was true. He then had another breakdown and I ended up just holding him all night and trying to take care of him, while not sleeping, which is becoming a daily occurrence now.

So my question is this, what should I do? I honestly feel like this was meant to happen, which I've never felt before. I just feel something when I look into his eyes (I know, gag me) and when I kiss him and hold him, etc. But it's just so emotionally draining on me. Add in my living situation with my ex (which is going horribly) and a few other personal issues, I feel kind of hollow on the inside. I want to stick this out because he is just this beautiful person but he's always so negative about everything. I do think if I stick this out it would be for the best and things will work out in due time but it's just so hard.

Please tell me someone else has gone through something like this. Thanks for reading if you've got this far :P Any help is appreciated. :)

And people who lie about things they don't need to lie about tend to lie about everything.

Ain't THAT the Mother F*c*i*g truth!

Agree with Jordan. Chronic liars not for me.

It sounds like the beginnings of a toxic and codependent relationship. End it now! Or don't end it and learn some valuable lessons. But it's gonna be difficult.

Nothing that you wrote is really about him, it's about you. Walk away now and then start the hard work of getting to know, and improving upon yourself.

Updated On: 8/10/15 at 08:43 AM

You've gotten some great advice here. All I can add really is, ask yourself if staying in this relationship would be beneficial to you or to him? You will not change him. Keep that in mind. Only he can change himself in the long run, even if he were to get the professional help it sounds like he needs, and doing even that falls upon him to decide to get it. So you have to ask yourself if you can be good to yourself and remain in this relationship if things stay the same. Or get worse. Because there is a very good chance that things won't get better. A healthy relationship should mutually help both people be better people, should be mutually uplifting and supportive, in spite of the natural disagreements that come along and the little annoyances you can learn to live with (such as squeezing the toothpaste tube from the middle instead of from the bottom). You're so young. Please don't waste precious time in a toxic relationship. Learn to love yourself enough to never allow this to happen again.

My ex-boyfriend was bi polar, but he wasn't aware of what was wrong with him back then. This was about 10 years ago. He would have huge mood swings, spend a week in bed, then go out and spend thousands of dollars on things he didn't need. It was so tough but I stuck it out for awhile because I loved him too much to abandon him. But, it started to affect me mentally, emotionally, and take a toll on my health, so I had to step away. I think he should be getting the therapy he needs, take some time, and then maybe talk about a relationship with you

Do not sacrifice your peace or happiness for someone else. Don't ever allow someone to disrespect you when you do something nice for them, regardless of who they are in your life. Take care of yourself, take time for yourself, treat yourself. It's the only way you will be able to care for others in a healthy, positive way. Good luck.

Updated On: 8/11/15 at 06:30 PM

His pattern isn't to be on here regularly.

[I was sort of threadjacking, so I deleted my original comment. I hope all is well with the OP!]

Updated On: 8/10/15 at 09:20 PM

I used to hold Phyllis Rogers Stone's opinion in the highest regard. And nothing in this thread has changed my mind.

I am very proud of everyone here because of the sensitivity shown to the OP. I expect it of most of you, but as a rule we have a few who can't wait to beat the young 'uns. How nice that they haven't found this thread yet.

***

Regi, in line with your remarks, I quote from the OP's first post:

"I want to stick this out because he is just this beautiful person but he's always so negative about everything."

To the OP, can you see the problem in your sentence above?

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I don't know much about bipolar (it wasn't such a popular diagnosis when I was your age; folks were "manic-depressive" back then), but I think a lot of we who are serial monogamists by nature know about falling very quickly in love with love only to discover almost as quickly that that one can't live on love alone. There are numerous plays and films that talk about how this is especially true when falling for those who have certain mental illnesses.

I know nothing about your life, but if you are already losing sleep to take care of this guy, I can't imagine you can hold up for long. As other have said, you might as well put your energy into pushing him to get professional help.

Then make a note to fondly remember the good things about him and go out and find the next Mr. Right (or a whole bunch of Mr. Rights).

Updated On: 8/11/15 at 09:18 AM

Totally agree with Phyllis (you're 40?) and would like to add that the more experience you have in relationships, the more you reevaluate what you deem "attractive" in others and you may find the priorities you seek in a potential relationship have shifted. Our instincts may signal initial attraction, but they rarely allow for analysis. And while commitment and loyalty are often commendable, they can be your worst enemies when they are the only reasons left for staying in a relationship.

"Dark side of forty"? Chil', when i was forty it was always dark because we hadn't discovered fire yet!

I spent my early 20s working a winter stock house in South Florida. I worked a good 18 hours, 7 days per week, so the only people I met were actors passing through with shows. Even when I made a bad choice (and I made my share), he was headed back to NYC in five or six weeks.

Life being what it is, I met my still-husband (who wouldn't-you-know-it? actually lived in South FL) a few months before I moved to New York City. Lucky for me he agreed to follow and join me. I'd look pretty silly trying to date 22-year-old actors nowadays!

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I agree with Jane that 20 is awfully young to settle down forever (though I feel a little foolish saying so because I was all of 23 when I did). But someone also thought serial monogamy was a bad idea in one's early 20s and I'm not so sure about that. I had my share of one-night stands that were fun (especially in those pre-AIDS awareness days), but for the most part I was serially monogamous and I don't see it did me any harm.

Updated On: 8/11/15 at 10:07 AM

Sorry, I had to make this in two posts because it stopped letting me see what I was typing. :P

So for now, I feel like things are on the way to getting better. We have really come a long way in the past week or so since I wrote this post, so I'm going to stick with it for awhile because I really do feel more compatable with him than I've ever felt before (and I am no newbie to relationships or guys, believe me).

I'm sorry for taking so long to reply as well. I'm a long time lurker but don't post as often because I work about 70 hours a week, so I have very little time. But again thank you everyone so much for you support, it honestly was exactly what I needed.

Love to you all!!