The One Minute Musical — Page 3

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#51

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:27am

SOUTH PACIFIC

Nellie: Hi, I'm a small-town girl from the Deep South with ingrown prejudices--so I can't marry you--you had an affair with a polynesian woman and had two children by her.

Emile: Well, if I go on a very dangerous mission for the Armed Forces and almost get killed, would that change your mind at all?

Nellie: Oh, sure! I'd marry you then!!!

CURTAIN

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#52

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:50am

SWEET CHARITY

Charity: Hi. I'm a taxi-dancer named Charity Hope Valentine hoping to find love.

And even if I get pushed into the pond at Central Park; get manipulated by an Italian Movie Star; and almost marry a really straight guy who ultimately rejects me because of my profession--I'll still be:

Charity Hope Valentine--hoping to find love.

CURTAIN

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#53

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 6:31am

Sweeney Todd

Sweeney: I'm brooding and angry because I was wronged.
Mrs Lovett: Don't get mad, get even! And since I'm poor, let's sell the results!
Sweeney: Sure

(time passes. Sweeney kills people, Mrs. Lovett cooks them.)

Sweeney: You lied to me. Now I have to kill you too...
(throws Nellie into the oven)
Tobias: You shouldn't do that. Killing is wrong.
(kills Sweeney)

Everyone is dead.

BLACK OUT

(Audience gets up to leave)

wait...they're all coming back to life to give the moral!

"to seek revenge may lead to hell, but everyone does it, though seldom as well as Sweeney Todd."

Audience: Wait. Did I miss something in that moral? Is killing people and cooking them okay? I'm confused. Why was there so much music? Why did I have to concentrate so much? My head hurts!
I need a pain-killer and a sleeping tablet.

CURTAIN!

Updated On: 1/7/05 at 06:31 AM

#54

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 10:16am

COMPANY

Robert: I'm a 35 year old who can't commit to a relationship--I mean look at all my neurotic married friends!

Neurotic Married Friends: Bobby! Bubby! We love you! Please get married!

Robert: Oh, what the hell. I might as well get married--all these women I date are neurotic, too.

CURTAIN

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#55

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 10:23am

"The Frogs"

Nathan Lane: "Look at me!"
Roger Bart: "Damn, I have a lot of fans from 'The Producers'..."
Both: "Bush sucks."

THE END

"Goodness is rewarded. Hope is guaranteed. Laughter builds strong bones. Right will intercede. Things you've said I often find I need, indeed. I see the world through your eyes. What's black and white is colorized. The knowledge you most dearly prized I'm eager to employ. You said that life has infinite joys."

Updated On: 1/7/05 at 10:23 AM

#56

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 10:45am

FOLLIES

Ben & Sally: We both came to this reunion of show-folk because we made a mistake 30 years ago--we really should've married each other.

[A bunch of reunion guests perform the musical acts they used to do from the 1920s and 30s].

Ben & Sally: You know what? Watching all these old foggies tryring to act young again has convinced us! You CAN'T change the past! Let's just forget the whole thing and go back to our spouses!

CURTAIN

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#57

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:02am

Kiss Me, Kate
Lilli: I hate you.
Fred: I hate you.
Lois: You piss me off.
Bill: Don't hurt me.
(time passes)
Lilli: I love you.
Fred: I love you.
Lois: I'm a slut.
Gangsters: let's be actors.

#58

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:13am

These are great. I love Spiders "Tell Me On A Sunday"!

OKLAHOMA:

Curly: Laurie you are a b*tch

Laurie: I know and to prove it I'm going to go out with that pervert Jud

Aunt Eller: Curly, just grab her and throw her to the ground. She wants you to.

Curly: O.K. (l.a.h.o.m.a)

Curtain

*edit* Oops. Mary_Ethel, I didn't see that you already did Oklahoma. Note to self: read all posts before posting.

"ubiquitous"

Updated On: 1/7/05 at 11:13 AM

#59

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:21am

Movin' Out

(The music starts. A Dancer comes on and has an epileptic seizure a la Twyla)

Piano Player: IIIIiiiiiiiiiii'm movin' out!

The end.

"Do you know what pledge time is, Andrew"? said the PBS Executive. "Yes", Lloyd Webber replied. "My 50th birthday special must be one program that gets done a lot." "No", mused the man from PBS heedlessy. "Not so much. Our Stephen Sondheim Carnegie Hall concert. That's a big one." Spoons, forks and knives seemed suddenly to suspend their motion in horror, all around the table.

Updated On: 1/7/05 at 11:21 AM

#60

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:27am

Forbidden Broadway

(The piano player sits at the piano and plays the "Forbidden Broadway" theme song. The actors come out on their mic's)

Actors:
Forbidden Broadway, one minute mu
sical is all that we have for you
so now it's time for bye bye.
So ta ta folks
grab your purse and coats
hope you had a nice one minute stay
One minute forbidden broadway.
Follow every rainbow till you find your dream.

Updated On: 1/7/05 at 11:27 AM

#61

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:27am

It's cool, Andy.

We can always say your post was a re-worked OKLAHOMA! for a revival.

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#62

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:30am

Gem of the Ocean (not a musical, but a long show)

Aunt Esther: I'm an old woman. What you want.

Citizen: I need to be shown the error of my ways.

Aunt Esther: Well, come on, get on the slave boat to the city of bones.

(45 seconds of slave boat, including whips.)

Citizen: I'm free! I'm FREE!

Aunt Esther: Well, go on now.

The End

Updated On: 1/7/05 at 11:30 AM

#63

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:39am

SHOW BOAT

Joe: Ol' Man River...

Ravenal: Hi, I'm a ne'er do well gambler with sleazy charm that attracts innocent young nitwits!

Magnolia: Well, I'm an innocent young nitwit--let's get married!

Ravenal: OK-but after we marry and have a kid, I'm outta here!

Magnolia: That's fine-I'll just get a job singing at a saloon!

(years later)

Ravenal: Hey, I'm back after 30 years!

Magnolia: That's cool--let's watch our daughter sing and dance!

Joe: Ol' Man River...

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

Updated On: 1/7/05 at 11:39 AM

#64

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:40am

PIPPIN

Pippin: I need to find my purpose.

Princeton: (Wanders on the set) Did someone say purpose?

Pippin: Hey, haven't I seen you over on Avenue Q?

Princeton: I just moved there. I'm trying to find my purpose.

Pippin: Me too. I think I'll move with you.

(Pippin feeds the turtle, walks the pig, and goes on the porn sights with Trekkie monster, but still can't find his purpose)

Player: (Comes out.) Kill yourself. Your purpose is so that you can become a spectacle in front of a live audience, and what better way to do that, than to kill yourself.

Pippin: No!!!

Player: Alright fine. Close the show!

The end.

Updated On: 1/7/05 at 11:40 AM

#65

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:47am

MARCH OF THE FALSETTOS

Marvin: I'm a homo.

Trina: And still the bastard divorced me!

Mendel: Marry me.

Jason: What about chromosomes? Will they carry? Do they carry? Who's the homo now?

Wizzer: Jason, maybe you should see a psychiatrist

(Jason does, Mendel marries Trina, Marvin and Wizzer break up.)

End of the first part.

FALSETTOLAND

Marvin: Look! Look! Look! Look! we have lesbians now!

Wizzer: And Aids!

(Wizzer dies)

The end.

Updated On: 1/7/05 at 11:47 AM

#66

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:52am

NEVER GONNA DANCE--

(Lucky comes out onstage totally naked.)

Lucky: WEEE! *dances around*
The rest of the cast: Noah, what are you doing?!
Lucky: Well, there's no one in the audience tonight...so why not?

(The whole cast dances around naked.)

The end.

Updated On: 1/8/05 at 11:52 AM

#67

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:53am

Side Show:

Daisy and Violet: We are Siamese Twins..
Violet: I wanna get married
Daisy: I wanna be famous!
Cast: No!
Daisy and Violet: We are still Siamese Twins..

The End

Life is like a patio door, you never know which side is open... and then you run into the glass.... ~Connie and Carla

#68

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:55am

MAN OF LA MANCHA

Don Quixote: I have an Impossible Dream, Dulcinea.

Aldonza: Oh, who cares, mush-meat-for brains! I'm getting raped and assualted by all these muleteers--and for the 83rd time my name is ALDONZA!

Don Quixote: Oh, wow. I'm dying. (Dies)

Aldonza: Oh, NOW I see the light. There IS an Impossible Dream! And my name is... Dulcinea!!!

CURTAIN

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#69

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:02pm

PASSION

Clara: Giorgio, I have a husband.

Giorgio: That's okay. I'm being sent far far away.

(Giorgio goes far far away. Meets Fosca.)

Fosca: I am ugly. But, I read.

Giorgio: I read, too. And yes, you are ugly.

Fosca: I love you!

Giorgio: Get away from me, sick freak!

(Giorgio takes a leave of absence and sees Clara)

Clara: I can't be with you. I have a child, and he needs two parents, because that is what our president wants.

(Giorgio goes back far far away.)

Giorgio: Fosca, Clara dumped me, and now I'm on the rebound. I haven't had sex in God knows how long. Do me!

(She does and dies)

Giorgio: Now I'm a sick freak (as he spends the rest of his life in an asylum.)

The End.

#70

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:17pm

FUNNY GIRL

Fanny: I'm the Greatest Star--but no one knows it!

Ziegfeld: I know it, Fanny! You are now star of the Ziegfeld Follies!

Fanny: Well, that's great--but now I've got all these personal problems with my a**hole husband! Ah, it's no big deal. I'll just sing a song about him on-stage--I'm POSITIVE that'll make me feel better!

(sings "The Music That Makes Me Dance.")

Fanny: I DO Feel Better! And I'm STILL The Greatest Star--and now EVERYONE knows it!!!

CURTAIN

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#71

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:24pm

CAROUSEL

BILLY: I'm a woman-beating carousel operator.

JULIE: I love you!

CAST: Because it's June! June, June, June!

JULIE: I'm pregnant!

BILLY: I'm gonna have the manliest son around! Unless...it's a girl! She'll be a purty li'l piece of fluff.

JIGGER: Hi Billy. Let's get you killed.

CAST: That was a real nice clambake!

BILLY: Leave me alone, woman, I have to be murdered while trying to turn my life around!

JULIE: He beats me, but he's my husband, so I still love him.

(BILLY dies)

NETTIE: Come, Julie, let's sing the only good song in the show.

(in heaven, or something)

BILLY: I wanna see my kid!

GOD FIGURE: Okay.

(15 years in the future, BILLY has a daughter, LOUISE)

BILLY: Hey, you! Come here!

LOUISE: Help!

BILLY: Shut up!

(slaps LOUISE)

JULIE: What is it?

LOUISE: A strange man backhanded me...but it felt just like a gentle breeze!

JULIE: Billy? Is it you?

(at LOUISE'S graduation)

CAST: Let's reprise the only good song in the show.

BILLY: I loved you, Julie. I just got this temper, ya see.

FINIS

http://community.livejournal.com/ltd_brands_suck/

#72

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:24pm

INTO the WOODS

Cinderella: I'm Cinderella, and I want to go to the ball.

Jack: I'm Jack from Jack and the beanstalk, and I want adventures.

Baker: I'm the Baker, and I want a child.

Baker's wife: I'm his wife, and although I want a child, too, we don't have a previous story that any of you are familiar with.

Witch: (to the Baker) Except that Rapunzel is your sister. (to the audience) I'm the witch, and I want to be beautiful.

Little Red Riding Hood: (with her mouth full of bread) M eil ed idee ood (swallows) and I'm going to be eaten by the wolf.

Wolf: I'm the wolf about to eat little red.

Lucinda: Hey, what about us?

Florinda: Yeah! We should have been introduced a few characters back. We're the wicked stepsisters.

Stepmother: And I am the beautiful stepmother, along with her silent father.

Jack's mother: No one cares about you! I'm Jack's mother. I'm responsible for the growing beanstalk, which is to create havoc on us all.

Rapunzel: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah

Witch: Ah, my Rapunzel.

Narrator: And that is all the time we have for the musical.

Cinderella's Prince, Rapunzel's Prince and the Steward: Hey!

Narrator: Sorry, but you all are taking too long.

(The giant kills him, Rapunzel, and the Baker's Wife.)

Baker: Where do we go from here?

The End

#73

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:33pm

The BOY From OZ

Peter: I'm Hugh Jackman, and I'm using my star quality and my sex appeal to sell this show, because honestly, if it weren't for me, this show would have closed after the first preview. Anyways, I'm playing a gay songwriter from Australia, and although I'm not gay, I come off very believable. You see me as a young boy - it's not really me, you can tell, because he's nowhere near as sexy as me - and then I grow up. I marry Liza and divorce her because, although she is a beautiful drag queen, she can't compare to the wonderful man in my life, who eventually dies, but before he does, I plant a great big wet one on his lips. That should make all the homo's and the hags quiver with delight. But, I'm not gay, so don't get your hopes up. So, I kiss him, (remember, I'm not gay) Then I die. Well, Peter does. Not me, Hugh Jackman, because I come out and do a flamboyant number that we all know "I go to Rio". (He does)Thank you, and goodnight.

CURTAIN

Updated On: 1/7/05 at 12:33 PM

#74

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:59pm

GUYS AND DOLLS

Sky: I'm a "player"!

Sarah: Well, I'm an uptight prim chick who works for the Salvation Army.

Sky: I have to win a bet. Let's go to Havana, and I'll loosen you up and get you drunk--then we'll sing a love duet!

Sarah: That was sweet--now we should get married!

Sky: But I can't--I'm a "player"!

Sarah: NOT anymore--you NOW work for the Salvation Army too!

Sky: Oh, hell. I guess it was worth it to win that bet!

CURTAIN

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#75

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 1/7/05 at 1:05pm

BIG RIVER

Huck: I'm huck, and I'm trying to find the error of my ways.

Aunt Esther: Well get on the slave boat, and I'll take you to the city of bones.

Hunk: No thanks. I have my own raft. But I'll steal Jim out of slavery, and if I can think of somethin' else, I'll do that to. 'Cause as long as I'm in, and in for good, I might as well go whole hog!

(He releases Jim from slavery)

Jim: I'm Free! I'm Free!!!

Huck: Well, go on now.

THE END as Muddy Water plays

Updated On: 1/7/05 at 01:05 PM

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