The One Minute Musical- Page 3
The One Minute Musical
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#50
Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:27am
SOUTH PACIFIC
Nellie: Hi, I'm a small-town girl from the Deep South with ingrown prejudices--so I can't marry you--you had an affair with a polynesian woman and had two children by her.
Emile: Well, if I go on a very dangerous mission for the Armed Forces and almost get killed, would that change your mind at all?
Nellie: Oh, sure! I'd marry you then!!!
CURTAIN
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#51
Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:50am
SWEET CHARITY
Charity: Hi. I'm a taxi-dancer named Charity Hope Valentine hoping to find love.
And even if I get pushed into the pond at Central Park; get manipulated by an Italian Movie Star; and almost marry a really straight guy who ultimately rejects me because of my profession--I'll still be:
Charity Hope Valentine--hoping to find love.
CURTAIN
re: The One Minute Musical#52
Posted: 1/7/05 at 6:31am
Sweeney Todd
Sweeney: I'm brooding and angry because I was wronged.
Mrs Lovett: Don't get mad, get even! And since I'm poor, let's sell the results!
Sweeney: Sure
(time passes. Sweeney kills people, Mrs. Lovett cooks them.)
Sweeney: You lied to me. Now I have to kill you too...
(throws Nellie into the oven)
Tobias: You shouldn't do that. Killing is wrong.
(kills Sweeney)
Everyone is dead.
BLACK OUT
(Audience gets up to leave)
wait...they're all coming back to life to give the moral!
"to seek revenge may lead to hell, but everyone does it, though seldom as well as Sweeney Todd."
Audience: Wait. Did I miss something in that moral? Is killing people and cooking them okay? I'm confused. Why was there so much music? Why did I have to concentrate so much? My head hurts!
I need a pain-killer and a sleeping tablet.
CURTAIN!
Updated On: 1/7/05 at 06:31 AM
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#53
Posted: 1/7/05 at 10:16am
COMPANY
Robert: I'm a 35 year old who can't commit to a relationship--I mean look at all my neurotic married friends!
Neurotic Married Friends: Bobby! Bubby! We love you! Please get married!
Robert: Oh, what the hell. I might as well get married--all these women I date are neurotic, too.
CURTAIN
Broadway Star Joined: 3/28/04
re: The One Minute Musical#54
Posted: 1/7/05 at 10:23am
"The Frogs"
Nathan Lane: "Look at me!"
Roger Bart: "Damn, I have a lot of fans from 'The Producers'..."
Both: "Bush sucks."
THE END
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#55
Posted: 1/7/05 at 10:45am
FOLLIES
Ben & Sally: We both came to this reunion of show-folk because we made a mistake 30 years ago--we really should've married each other.
[A bunch of reunion guests perform the musical acts they used to do from the 1920s and 30s].
Ben & Sally: You know what? Watching all these old foggies tryring to act young again has convinced us! You CAN'T change the past! Let's just forget the whole thing and go back to our spouses!
CURTAIN
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/31/04
re: The One Minute Musical#56
Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:02am
Kiss Me, Kate
Lilli: I hate you.
Fred: I hate you.
Lois: You piss me off.
Bill: Don't hurt me.
(time passes)
Lilli: I love you.
Fred: I love you.
Lois: I'm a slut.
Gangsters: let's be actors.
re: The One Minute Musical#57
Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:13am
These are great. I love Spiders "Tell Me On A Sunday"!
OKLAHOMA:
Curly: Laurie you are a b*tch
Laurie: I know and to prove it I'm going to go out with that pervert Jud
Aunt Eller: Curly, just grab her and throw her to the ground. She wants you to.
Curly: O.K. (l.a.h.o.m.a)
Curtain
*edit* Oops. Mary_Ethel, I didn't see that you already did Oklahoma. Note to self: read all posts before posting.
re: The One Minute Musical#58
Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:21am
Movin' Out
(The music starts. A Dancer comes on and has an epileptic seizure a la Twyla)
Piano Player: IIIIiiiiiiiiiii'm movin' out!
The end.
re: The One Minute Musical#59
Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:27am
Forbidden Broadway
(The piano player sits at the piano and plays the "Forbidden Broadway" theme song. The actors come out on their mic's)
Actors:
Forbidden Broadway, one minute mu
sical is all that we have for you
so now it's time for bye bye.
So ta ta folks
grab your purse and coats
hope you had a nice one minute stay
One minute forbidden broadway.
Follow every rainbow till you find your dream.
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#60
Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:27am
It's cool, Andy. 
We can always say your post was a re-worked OKLAHOMA! for a revival.
re: The One Minute Musical#61
Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:30am
Gem of the Ocean (not a musical, but a long show)
Aunt Esther: I'm an old woman. What you want.
Citizen: I need to be shown the error of my ways.
Aunt Esther: Well, come on, get on the slave boat to the city of bones.
(45 seconds of slave boat, including whips.)
Citizen: I'm free! I'm FREE!
Aunt Esther: Well, go on now.
The End
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#62
Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:39am
SHOW BOAT
Joe: Ol' Man River...
Ravenal: Hi, I'm a ne'er do well gambler with sleazy charm that attracts innocent young nitwits!
Magnolia: Well, I'm an innocent young nitwit--let's get married!
Ravenal: OK-but after we marry and have a kid, I'm outta here!
Magnolia: That's fine-I'll just get a job singing at a saloon!
(years later)
Ravenal: Hey, I'm back after 30 years!
Magnolia: That's cool--let's watch our daughter sing and dance!
Joe: Ol' Man River...
re: The One Minute Musical#63
Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:40am
PIPPIN
Pippin: I need to find my purpose.
Princeton: (Wanders on the set) Did someone say purpose?
Pippin: Hey, haven't I seen you over on Avenue Q?
Princeton: I just moved there. I'm trying to find my purpose.
Pippin: Me too. I think I'll move with you.
(Pippin feeds the turtle, walks the pig, and goes on the porn sights with Trekkie monster, but still can't find his purpose)
Player: (Comes out.) Kill yourself. Your purpose is so that you can become a spectacle in front of a live audience, and what better way to do that, than to kill yourself.
Pippin: No!!!
Player: Alright fine. Close the show!
The end.
re: The One Minute Musical#64
Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:47am
MARCH OF THE FALSETTOS
Marvin: I'm a homo.
Trina: And still the bastard divorced me!
Mendel: Marry me.
Jason: What about chromosomes? Will they carry? Do they carry? Who's the homo now?
Wizzer: Jason, maybe you should see a psychiatrist
(Jason does, Mendel marries Trina, Marvin and Wizzer break up.)
End of the first part.
FALSETTOLAND
Marvin: Look! Look! Look! Look! we have lesbians now!
Wizzer: And Aids!
(Wizzer dies)
The end.
Featured Actor Joined: 1/2/05
re: The One Minute Musical#65
Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:52am
NEVER GONNA DANCE--
(Lucky comes out onstage totally naked.)
Lucky: WEEE! *dances around*
The rest of the cast: Noah, what are you doing?!
Lucky: Well, there's no one in the audience tonight...so why not?
(The whole cast dances around naked.)
The end.
Updated On: 1/8/05 at 11:52 AM
re: The One Minute Musical#66
Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:53am
Side Show:
Daisy and Violet: We are Siamese Twins..
Violet: I wanna get married
Daisy: I wanna be famous!
Cast: No!
Daisy and Violet: We are still Siamese Twins..
The End
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#67
Posted: 1/7/05 at 11:55am
MAN OF LA MANCHA
Don Quixote: I have an Impossible Dream, Dulcinea.
Aldonza: Oh, who cares, mush-meat-for brains! I'm getting raped and assualted by all these muleteers--and for the 83rd time my name is ALDONZA!
Don Quixote: Oh, wow. I'm dying. (Dies)
Aldonza: Oh, NOW I see the light. There IS an Impossible Dream! And my name is... Dulcinea!!!
CURTAIN
re: The One Minute Musical#68
Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:02pm
PASSION
Clara: Giorgio, I have a husband.
Giorgio: That's okay. I'm being sent far far away.
(Giorgio goes far far away. Meets Fosca.)
Fosca: I am ugly. But, I read.
Giorgio: I read, too. And yes, you are ugly.
Fosca: I love you!
Giorgio: Get away from me, sick freak!
(Giorgio takes a leave of absence and sees Clara)
Clara: I can't be with you. I have a child, and he needs two parents, because that is what our president wants.
(Giorgio goes back far far away.)
Giorgio: Fosca, Clara dumped me, and now I'm on the rebound. I haven't had sex in God knows how long. Do me!
(She does and dies)
Giorgio: Now I'm a sick freak (as he spends the rest of his life in an asylum.)
The End.
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#69
Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:17pm
FUNNY GIRL
Fanny: I'm the Greatest Star--but no one knows it!
Ziegfeld: I know it, Fanny! You are now star of the Ziegfeld Follies!
Fanny: Well, that's great--but now I've got all these personal problems with my a**hole husband! Ah, it's no big deal. I'll just sing a song about him on-stage--I'm POSITIVE that'll make me feel better!
(sings "The Music That Makes Me Dance.")
Fanny: I DO Feel Better! And I'm STILL The Greatest Star--and now EVERYONE knows it!!!
CURTAIN
re: The One Minute Musical#70
Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:24pm
CAROUSEL
BILLY: I'm a woman-beating carousel operator.
JULIE: I love you!
CAST: Because it's June! June, June, June!
JULIE: I'm pregnant!
BILLY: I'm gonna have the manliest son around! Unless...it's a girl! She'll be a purty li'l piece of fluff.
JIGGER: Hi Billy. Let's get you killed.
CAST: That was a real nice clambake!
BILLY: Leave me alone, woman, I have to be murdered while trying to turn my life around!
JULIE: He beats me, but he's my husband, so I still love him.
(BILLY dies)
NETTIE: Come, Julie, let's sing the only good song in the show.
(in heaven, or something)
BILLY: I wanna see my kid!
GOD FIGURE: Okay.
(15 years in the future, BILLY has a daughter, LOUISE)
BILLY: Hey, you! Come here!
LOUISE: Help!
BILLY: Shut up!
(slaps LOUISE)
JULIE: What is it?
LOUISE: A strange man backhanded me...but it felt just like a gentle breeze!
JULIE: Billy? Is it you?
(at LOUISE'S graduation)
CAST: Let's reprise the only good song in the show.
BILLY: I loved you, Julie. I just got this temper, ya see.
FINIS
re: The One Minute Musical#71
Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:24pm
INTO the WOODS
Cinderella: I'm Cinderella, and I want to go to the ball.
Jack: I'm Jack from Jack and the beanstalk, and I want adventures.
Baker: I'm the Baker, and I want a child.
Baker's wife: I'm his wife, and although I want a child, too, we don't have a previous story that any of you are familiar with.
Witch: (to the Baker) Except that Rapunzel is your sister. (to the audience) I'm the witch, and I want to be beautiful.
Little Red Riding Hood: (with her mouth full of bread) M eil ed idee ood (swallows) and I'm going to be eaten by the wolf.
Wolf: I'm the wolf about to eat little red.
Lucinda: Hey, what about us?
Florinda: Yeah! We should have been introduced a few characters back. We're the wicked stepsisters.
Stepmother: And I am the beautiful stepmother, along with her silent father.
Jack's mother: No one cares about you! I'm Jack's mother. I'm responsible for the growing beanstalk, which is to create havoc on us all.
Rapunzel: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Witch: Ah, my Rapunzel.
Narrator: And that is all the time we have for the musical.
Cinderella's Prince, Rapunzel's Prince and the Steward: Hey!
Narrator: Sorry, but you all are taking too long.
(The giant kills him, Rapunzel, and the Baker's Wife.)
Baker: Where do we go from here?
The End
re: The One Minute Musical#72
Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:33pm
The BOY From OZ
Peter: I'm Hugh Jackman, and I'm using my star quality and my sex appeal to sell this show, because honestly, if it weren't for me, this show would have closed after the first preview. Anyways, I'm playing a gay songwriter from Australia, and although I'm not gay, I come off very believable. You see me as a young boy - it's not really me, you can tell, because he's nowhere near as sexy as me - and then I grow up. I marry Liza and divorce her because, although she is a beautiful drag queen, she can't compare to the wonderful man in my life, who eventually dies, but before he does, I plant a great big wet one on his lips. That should make all the homo's and the hags quiver with delight. But, I'm not gay, so don't get your hopes up. So, I kiss him, (remember, I'm not gay) Then I die. Well, Peter does. Not me, Hugh Jackman, because I come out and do a flamboyant number that we all know "I go to Rio". (He does)Thank you, and goodnight.
CURTAIN
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#73
Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:59pm
GUYS AND DOLLS
Sky: I'm a "player"!
Sarah: Well, I'm an uptight prim chick who works for the Salvation Army.
Sky: I have to win a bet. Let's go to Havana, and I'll loosen you up and get you drunk--then we'll sing a love duet!
Sarah: That was sweet--now we should get married!
Sky: But I can't--I'm a "player"!
Sarah: NOT anymore--you NOW work for the Salvation Army too!
Sky: Oh, hell. I guess it was worth it to win that bet!
CURTAIN
re: The One Minute Musical#74
Posted: 1/7/05 at 1:05pm
BIG RIVER
Huck: I'm huck, and I'm trying to find the error of my ways.
Aunt Esther: Well get on the slave boat, and I'll take you to the city of bones.
Hunk: No thanks. I have my own raft. But I'll steal Jim out of slavery, and if I can think of somethin' else, I'll do that to. 'Cause as long as I'm in, and in for good, I might as well go whole hog!
(He releases Jim from slavery)
Jim: I'm Free! I'm Free!!!
Huck: Well, go on now.
THE END as Muddy Water plays
Videos
