The One Minute Musical- Page 2
The One Minute Musical
Broadway Legend Joined: 3/28/04
re: The One Minute Musical#25
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:02pm
AIDA
Two random people: Wow look at that tomb! Jinx!
Amneris: Oy vey
(We travel back in time at see they are the reincartations of doomed lovers from ancient times and then)
Same Two random people: Hey you're hot! Jinx!
THE END
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#26
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:03pm
A LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC:
Everybody: We're all with the WRONG partners!
Madame Armfeldt: You're all a bunch of fools!
Everybody: She's right! Now we're with the RIGHT partners!
THE END
Featured Actor Joined: 1/2/05
re: The One Minute Musical#27
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:06pm
HAIRSPRAY--
Tracy: I'm over-weight and I have hair problems.
Link: I'm a wannabe famous-singer and I have hair problems.
Penny: I'm a loopy flake and I have hair problems.
Edna: I'm really a man and I have hair problems.
(Time passes.)
All: YAY! All of our hair problems are solved...thanks to this...HAIRSPRAY!!! *cheesy grin*
The end.
re: The One Minute Musical#28
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:06pm
Rock on, star2b. 
re: The One Minute Musical#29
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:15pm
The Producers
Max: I'm a failure. A broke failure.
Leo: My life just sucks, but I can make Max's life better.
Max: Let's produce the crappiest show ever.
{Time passes. Show opens to raves}
Max: I'm really a failure now. I've succeeded.
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#30
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:16pm
GYPSY:
Rose: I'm the ultimate stage mother. I have two daughters. June has all the talent--Louise has none.
June: Well, mother, if I'm so talented, what do I need you for? (Exits)
Rose: ...Oh, I was wrong. LOUISE is the daughter with all the talent!
Louise: Damn right, Momma, and to prove it, I'm now a famous stripper!
Rose: And you didn't even THANK ME for all the time and effort I poured into helping you? Excuse me while I go have a singing neurotic episode!
THE END
re: The One Minute Musical#31
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:18pm
Evita
Eva: I wanna be famous
[Eva sleeps with all sorts of men, becomes first lady of Argentina]
Eva: Don't cry, I'm done
[Eva dies]
Joined: 12/31/69
re: The One Minute Musical#32
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:25pm
The frogs:
Dionysos: I'm going to the underworld to make a political staement and to bring back a writer to fix the worlds problems
wanna come?
Xanthias: ok
(followed by a long and lame story, with very bad and un-catchy music)
George BS: Pick me
Shakespeare: Pick me
Dionysos: My old dead lover, hey!
Ariadne: Pick the poet guy
Dionysos: get in the boat
No one is betterd or improved in any way, and nathan lane was a d*** at the stage door
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#33
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:25pm
WEST SIDE STORY
The Jets: We're "native americans"! We hate Puerto Ricans!
The Sharks: We're Puerto Ricans! We hate "native americans"!
All: Let's Rumble!
(All leading characters but Maria die)
Maria: NOW look what you've done!!!
THE END
re: The One Minute Musical#34
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:28pm
LAST FIVE YEARS
Cathy: He left and it is all his fault
Jamie: I just met this girl and I love her
Cathy: You never pay any attention to me
Jamie: I just married Cathy and all these girls want me.
Cathy: I just met this guy and I love him
Jamie: I am leaving Cathy for another woman because Cathy a dominating femi-nazi.
THE END!
Joined: 12/31/69
re: The One Minute Musical#35
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:31pm
You're a good Man Charlie Brown:
All but Charile: Get up your late!
(some pointless vineiettes)
Kristen sings a song in her *cough* character voice
(more vineiettes)
All: Happyness is finding a pencil
(Curtain)
Featured Actor Joined: 1/2/05
re: The One Minute Musical#36
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:32pm
BROOKLYN--
Brooklyn: HI EVERYONE! I'M LOOKING FOR MY FATHER! I NEED TO FINISH THIS LULLABY!
Audience: Ahhhh! WHY are you screaming woman?!
Brooklyn: WHAT?! THIS IS HOW I ALWAYS SING.
Taylor: Hi Brooklyn. I'm your father.
Brooklyn: REALLY?! ARE YOU REALLY MY DAD?!
Taylor: ...*looks around*...well, it's either me or the black man.
Brooklyn: OH, DADDY! I'M SO HAPPY I FOUND Youu...*choke*
The end.
re: The One Minute Musical#37
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:33pm
TELL ME ON A SUNDAY
Girl: I am going to NYC to start a new life because my boyfriend cheated on me.
Girl: I met this guy
Girl: Damn it
Girl: I met this guy
Girl: Damn it
Girl: I met this guy and he is married
Girl: Damn it
Girl: Life sucks
THE END
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#38
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:39pm
MY FAIR LADY
Higgins: I'm a Linguistics Expert--but I'm also a confirmed bachelor!
Eliza: Well, don't worry, all I want is some English Lessons!
(Higgins and Eliza dance after she says "The Rain in Spain" perfectly)
Eliza: You know what? I could've danced all night!
Higgins: And I've grown accustomed to your face!
THE END
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#39
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:50pm
THE SOUND OF MUSIC
Maria: Hey There! I've come from the convent to be the governess to your seven bratty motherless children. I like frollicking on mountain-tops; making clothes out of drapes; and singing about my favorite things.
Captain von Trapp: There is to be NO singing in THIS house!
Children: But Father, you used to love to sing!
Captain von Trapp: Say, that's right! Hey, Maria, let's get married--SCREW the iminent Nazi takeover of Austria!
THE END
Broadway Legend Joined: 9/29/04
re: The One Minute Musical#40
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:54pm
BROOKLYN
Brooklyn: Anything you can scream, I can scream louder!
Paradice: I can scream anything louder than you!
Brooklyn: No, you can't.
Paradice: Yes, I can!
Brooklyn: NO, YOU CAN'T!
Paradice: YES, I CAN!
Brooklyn: NOOOOO, YOU CAAAAAAAAN'T!
Paradice: YEEEES, I CAAAAAAAAN!
CURTAIN.
Updated On: 1/7/05 at 10:54 PM
re: The One Minute Musical#41
Posted: 1/6/05 at 10:57pm
And I think Joshua is the winner. 
The opposite of creation isn't war, it's stagnation.
Broadway Legend Joined: 4/22/04
re: The One Minute Musical#42
Posted: 1/6/05 at 11:13pm
Leo walks into Max's office
LEO:
You can make more money
With a flop than with a hit
LEO AND MAX:
"We can do it, we can do it"
LEO:
"I can't do it"
LEO AND MAX:
"We can do it!"
LEO:
"I can't do it!" Goodbye Max!
MAX:
Lord, I want that money!
LEO:
I'm back, Max!
MAX:
"Come on, Leo, we can do it!"
MAX:
Step one, find the play!
See it, smell it, touch it, kiss it!
Hello, Mister Liebkind
FRANZ LIEBKIND:
"Guten Tag, hop clop
"Guten Tag, hop clop"
LEO AND MAX:
Adolf Elizabeth Hitler?
"Guten Tag, hop clop
"Guten Tag, hop clop!"
MAX:
Step two, hire the director
ROGER DE BRIS & HIS TEAM:
"Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it..."
Two-three, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn
MAX:
Ulla!
LEO AND MAX:
Oooh wah wah woo-woo- wah-wah!
MAX:
Step three, raise the money
LITTLE OLD LADIES:
"Along came Bialy!"
Intermission
MAX:
Step four, hire all the actors
HITLER AUDITIONER #1:
"A wandering minstrel I,
A think of shreds and...
MAX:
Next!
HITLER AUDTIONER #2
The little wooden boy
MAX:
Next! That's our Hitler!
USHERETTES:
"Opening night!"
LEO AND MAX:
Good luck, good luck, good luck
Break a leg!
FRANZ LIEBKIND:
I broke my leg!
CAST OF SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER:
"Springtime for Hitler and Germany!"
FIRST REVIEWS OF SPRINGTIM FOR HITLER:
A surprise smash!
It'll run for years!
LEO AND MAX:
"Where did we go right?
Where did we go right?"
MAX:
Gimme those books
LEO:
Fat, fat, fatty!
MAX:
Gimme those books
LEO:
Fat, fat, fatty!
MAX:
Books!
LEO:
Fat!
MAX:
Books!
LEO:
Fat!
MAX:
Books!
LEO:
Fat!
MAX:
Books!
LEO:
Fat!
MAX:
Lousy fruit
Kill the actors
You ever eat with one?!
Then you ran to Rio
And you're safely out of reach
I'm behind these bars
You're banging Ulla on the beach!
Leo returns. Leo and Max go to prison for the scam. They are pardoned for having, through song and dance, put joy and laughter into the hearts of every muderer, rapist, and sex maniac in Sing Sing.
re: The One Minute Musical#43
Posted: 1/6/05 at 11:25pm
Joshua made me LOL!
BARE:
Peter: I like you.
Jason: Let's do the nasty.
...
Jason: Now I don't like you. I like girls.
...
Jason: I like you.
Peter: OMG, Jason, you're dead.
Featured Actor Joined: 1/2/05
re: The One Minute Musical#44
Posted: 1/6/05 at 11:33pm
URINETOWN--
(Lockstock walks out onto an empty stage.)
Lockstock: Oh hello there. And welcome to Urinetown. Not the place, of course; the Musical! Here in our little village of Urinetown, you have to pay to pee. Bobby Strong formed a rebellion to fight against the bad guys...and too bad I've already told the whole premise of the story in the first 15 seconds of the show. Now there's no need in going through the motions...well goodnight, folks.
The end.
re: The One Minute Musical#45
Posted: 1/6/05 at 11:53pm
~ ASSASSINS ~
PROPRIETOR:
C'mere and kill a president.
ALL ASSASSINS:
Okay...
*BANG!*
BOOTH:
Why do these rednecks always have three names?
(He holds out the gun. Oswald takes it and crouches at the window.)
*BANG*
Woman:
Woah... something just broke.
CURTAIN.
Updated On: 1/7/05 at 11:53 PM
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#46
Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:03am
MACK & MABEL:
Mabel: Hi! I'm your new discovery for silent movies!
Mack: Well, OK, but don't expect any roses from me!
Mabel: Roses? Who needs Roses? I have all the heroin I want!
Mack: OK. Fine. Let's get married. Oh, wait a minute--you're dead!
CURTAIN
Broadway Legend Joined: 4/22/04
re: The One Minute Musical#47
Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:09am
42nd Street
PEGGY:
I came from Allentown, Pennsylvania to be on Broadway! Look at me tap dance!
JULIAN MARSH:
You can be in the ensemble.
DOROTHY BROCK:
She stepped out of line and I broke my leg! You brat! Now I can't be in the show!
PEGGY:
I'm going back to Allentown.
JULIAN MARSH:
No, you can't. Think of Broadway dammit.
PEGGY:
Okay.
JULIAN MARSH:
You have 48 hours to learn the show.
PEGGY:
I can't do it.
JULIAN MARSH:
Yes you can, kid.
PEGGY (sings):
Come and meet those dancing feet, on the avenue I'm taking you to - 42nd Street!
PEGGY:
I did it! Do you want to come to the cast party, Mr. Marsh?
JULIAN:
I'm going to sing a reprise. Go ahead to the cast party without me.
THE END.
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#48
Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:13am
KISS ME, KATE
Fred: You know, I kinda regret that we ever got divorced--even though I'm bonging a pretty young dancer, I think I still love you.
Lili: That's funny, because even though I'm now dating a Big Deal at the Pentagon, I think I still love YOU.
Fred: Hey, let's work our relationship issues out on-stage while we're performing a musical version of "The Taming of The Shrew." It'll be a lot cheaper than seeing a marriage counselor!
Lili: Sure--I'm Game!
CURTAIN
Broadway Legend Joined: 4/22/04
re: The One Minute Musical#49
Posted: 1/7/05 at 12:21am
Thoroughly Modern Millie
MILLIE:
I'm not going to go back to Kansas. I'm going to stay in New York City and marry my boss!
Millie gets mugged.
JIMMY:
Your in my way! Move!
MILLIE:
Ten minutes in New York and I already have my horror story.
-----
MRS. MEERS:
Sad to be all alone in the world!
-----
JIMMY:
What do I need with love?
MILLIE:
I'm going to marry my boss.
JIMMY:
I love you, Millie.
MILLIE:
Jimmy, oh Jimmy, silly boy, he makes my troubles fly...
Jimmy kisses Miss Dorothy.
MILLIE:
I hate you!
-----
GRAYDON:
I love you Miss Dorothy.
DOROTHY:
I love you Mr. Graydon. Meet me for dinner.
-----
JIMMY:
I love you, Millie.
MILLIE:
I love you too.
GRAYDON:
I love you, again, Miss Dorothy.
DOROTHY:
I love you, too, Mr. Graydon.
CHING HO:
I love you Miss Dorothy.
GRAYDON:
She stood me up!
MILLIE:
I think Meersy kidnapped her!
-----
MISS DOROTHY:
You saved me, Ching Ho. I love you!
CHING HO:
I love you Miss Dorothy.
JIMMY:
I'm Miss Dorothy's sister!
MUZZY:
I'm Jimmy and Dorothy's mother! And Jimmy really owns a company that is in charge of your workplace Millie, so you can marry your boss after all.
MILLIE:
Who cares? I'd love you no matter what, Jimmy.
JIMMY:
I love you, Millie.
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