Miss Saigon
Engineer: Hi, I'm the engineer. I was originated by a British white man, but somewhere in the run, I turned Asian, which is what I was originally, yet, some found it confusing. Anyways, I own whores. Here is my new whore Kim.
Kim: Hi, I'm Kim. I was originated by a Phillipine, and in this run, I have been Japanese, Chinese, Thai, Korean, but never really Viet Namese. Anyway, I'm a virginal whore, and I'm about to fall in love to American named Chris.
Chris: Hi, I'm Chris. I don't know what I'm doing here in Viet Nam. I just know that I will fall in love with a virginal whore.
(Days pass)
Kim: Oh, look! It's so big! And it makes a lot of noise. How did they get that big thing in the theatre?
Chris: It's called a helicopter. I have to go, and you won't come with me, because these flimsy chain link fences are stopping you, along with these soldiers and their plastic guns.
(Years pass)
Kim: I have a son, and he needs to be with his father.
Ellen. Hi, I'm Ellen. I was originated by such actresses as Claire Moore and Liz Calloway, but like the Engineer, somewhere in the run, I became Asian. I think I became an Asian because I remind Chris of Kim, which is kind of sad...or confusing...or both. Anyway, I'm an Asian-American.
Kim: Which is why you can give a better life to my son.
Ellen: I don't want your son.
Kim: You bitch! Don't you know that I am in a third world, not to mention time period where antideppresants don't exist? (She shoots herself)
Chris: NOOOOO!!! (after a few seconds) Well, at least I have a wife that looks like her.
CURTAIN
"Do you know what pledge time is, Andrew"? said the PBS Executive.
"Yes", Lloyd Webber replied. "My 50th birthday special must be one program that gets done a lot."
"No", mused the man from PBS heedlessy. "Not so much. Our Stephen Sondheim Carnegie Hall concert. That's a big one."
Spoons, forks and knives seemed suddenly to suspend their motion in horror, all around the table.
Updated On: 1/7/05 at 08:40 PM
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