The One Minute Musical — Page 5

Thank you Mary Ethel. You're stuff is fabulous, as well. Thank you for creating this thread. It keeps my mind working.

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Sunday in the Park With George

George: WHITE
A blank page or...

Colour and Light.

Dot: You spend too much time painting. I'm pregnant and I love you, but I'm leaving for America with the butcher.

George: I don't care/yes I do/no I don't. Painting is all I care about.

(finishes painting)

Now I've finished the painting I can die.

(he dies)

George: Hi everyone. It's now Act Two and I'm the descendant of the George in Act One, except I don't believe that I am. My great grandfather George was really talented, but no one liked him or his paintings. I'm really popular, but I have no talent. But my life sucks, because I have to keep "putting it together."

Marie: I'm in the Painting. Dot was my mother. I'm old and I'm going to die.

(marie dies)

George: Oh my god. I never saw that coming. I'm sad. Now I can't make my crappy light machines.

Dot: I'm a ghost. I think you're my lover, but I'm your grandmother. I'd kiss you, but audiences in America aren't ready for that. But they are ready for big cheezy Musicals starring a gay couple that never even show affection *mutters**shakes fist*. Anyway, move on yada yada yada.

George: Oh, I knew my character had a purpose: It was so we could have a final reprise of that really pretty Sondheim song! I know I'm supposed to say something here. Dot why did you write these strange words in your diary?

Dot: They are YOUR words. You say them all the time.

George: I do? Oh well. Order...(lists off a bunch of the Principles of Art)

WHITE

CURTAIN

Updated On: 1/8/05 at 12:49 AM

Doxy, that was lovely! Er, this might be about five minutes, but...whatever. No one's forcing you to read.



LES MISERABLES:

Valjean: My life sucks.

Bishop: God is cool.

Valjean: Wow, God IS cool. And he probably wants me to skip town!


Ten years later


Valjean: I'm the mayor! *throws money at masses*

Fantine: Bastard, I'm sick!

Valjean: What?

Fantine: Take my baby! *dies*

Valjean: Uh...I guess I will.

Thenardiers: Cosette sucks!

Valjean: I'll pay you for her.

Thenardiers: Cosette rocks!

Cosette: I'm small and sad. Love me!

Valjean: Okay!


ten years later


Cosette: I'm no longer small and sad. Love me!

Marius: Okay!

Eponine: Well, I'm poor and sad. Love me!

Marius: Uh, no.

Valjean: Hey! Get away from my randomly adopted urchin!

Marius: Uh...*looks for something to do*

Students: We're looking for people to die with us!

Marius: *shrug* Sounds good.

Eponine: Marius, I'm dying. Love me!

Marius: I suddenly kind of do. Don't die!

Eponine: *dies*

Students: *die*

Marius: Ow.

Valjean: Whoops, I probably should let you marry my daughter now. Feel free to cut me out of your--

Marius: Adios, pal.

Valjean: *dies*

Cosette and Marius: Oh, no!

Dead people sing. The end.





Edited to add Eponine, because I'm dumb like that.

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Updated On: 1/8/05 at 02:07 AM

can I just add some stuff to VICTOR/VICTORIA...? thanks.

Victoria: Oh, here I am, a singer from England stranded in Paris with nothing to eat.

Toddy: Come up to my flat.

Victoria: No thank you.

Toddy: But, I'm GAY!!!

Victoria: Oh, that's so nice of you!

Toddy: Wait, if I cut your hair REAL short and dress you in men's clothes, you could be Les Jazz Hot!

Mr. Bernstein: Wow. That man is one hot woman!

Norma: Paris makes me horny!

King: I love, I mean, I REALLY LOVE this Victor fella--it must mean I'm GAY!!!

Victoria: Hey! We're almost a love song!

(Street singer begins singing a reprise of "Paris By Night")

Street Singer: Ignore me. I'm just singing a reprise of "Paris by Night" so I don't feel left out. I'm really the swing for Norma... I'll go on to play Norma in the national tour, but they'll cut "Paris Makes Me Horny" because the rest America can't handle it...

Norma: King is living with a Polish fairy! And I can't spell "Chicago"!

Gangster: Hey I'm a tough guy gangster named Sally and the mob don't do business with homos. But I can't remember who is supposed to shoot whom.

Norma: It's who. You can't say "whom" cuz' there aint no preposition in front of it.

Gangster: Shoot her!

Norma: My mother was a nun!

Gangster: Oh, great a bunch of queers!

Toddy: Two queers does not a bunch make. (five minutes of laughter)

Victoria: That's it!

(Victoria drags Norma upsairs)

Norma: WAIT! Lock the door!

Victoria: I'm NOT a man!

(she shows Norma her boobs.)

Norma: AHHHHH!!! You two-timing son of a bi*ch!

King: Then I'm NOT Gay!

Toddy: and I LOVE Mr. Bernstein!

Mr. Bernstein: AND I CAN SING TOO!!!

Julie Andrews: And I'm not accepting my Tony nomination because everyone else in this show was soooo overlooked by the committee.

CURTAIN

Updated On: 1/8/05 at 02:13 AM

THANKS for filling in the blanks, CATSNYRevival!


Please feel free to edit my work anytime!!!

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SUNSET BOULEVARD


Joe: Why, I'm an out of work writer and you're Norma Desmond! You were in silent movies! You USED to be Big!

Norma: I AM Big! It's the pictures that got small! Here--since you're a writer, you can edit the script I've been working on for my "return." And while we're at it, you can be my kept man--I'll buy you expensive clothes and stuff!

Joe: I'll work on Norma's script by day, and then colloborate with that obnoxious reader Betty by night!

Norma: Joe, who's Betty Schafer? I have a gun, Joe--and I'm not afraid to use it!

[Fires at Joe--Joe falls into pool, dead]


Norma: Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up!



CURTAIN

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I love Taboo and Le Miz. You guys rock.

tick... tick... BOOM!

Jon: I'm thirty! OH MY GOD THE WORLD IS ENDING.
Micheal: Basically, yeah. Come have fun in Hell in a Buisness Suit with me!
Susan: Johnny, I don't want to do this anymore...

[time passes]

Jon: Everything's ok now.

Indeed.

Cabaret:

Emcee: Welcome!
Sally: Cliff, you're hot!
Cliff: I'm gay.
Sally: Not anymore!
Cliff: Ok.
Emcee: I want Sally.

{time passes. Nazis come}

Emcee: Bye. And this this is what happens when you ignore problems.

Caroline, or Change:

Caroline: (To Noah) Leave me alone. I hate you. Die. Blah.

Noah: (To Caroline) I want money.

(Noah leaves.)

Caroline: ****. Did I just say that?

(Outside.)

Emmie: I respect you, Ma.

End Scene.

The Who's Tommy

58 craptastic seconds of song, dance, and exaggerated British accents

TOMMY: Oh, it's my ape**** crazy family of child molesters, murderers, and bullies. Let's hug!

Updated On: 1/8/05 at 04:00 PM

NINE

Guido: I'm forty! OH MY GOD THE WORLD IS ENDING!!!

[time passes]

Guido: Everything's ok now...

CURTAIN

Updated On: 1/8/05 at 05:13 PM

Guys and Dolls

Nicely-Nicely Johnson: Hey, Nathan, why haven't you found a place for the game?

Nathan Detroit: Because I haven't. So sue me.

Sarah Brown and the Mission band enter

Sarah Brown: Sinners, will you repent?

Nathan: No. So sue me.

Sarah and the Band exit. Sky Masterson enters

Sky Masterson: Nathan, you old promoter you.

Nathan: So what if I am, sue me.

Sky : For random fun, i bet I can take any doll you say to Havana.

Sarah walks on. Nathan points to her.

Sky: Her?

Nathan: Yeah, her. So sue me.

Sky: Excuse me Miss, wanna go to Havana.

Sarah: No. I hate your kind.

Sky: I'm rich and handsome. And I'll find you some sinners.

Sarah: Oh, okay.

They go to Havana. Sarah gets drunk.

Adelaide: Nathan, we've been engaged for 14 years and haven't been married.

Nathan: So sue me, baby.

Sky (To Gamblers): I'm gonna roll you all for your souls.

Gambler #1: That's kind of a random proposal.

Sky wins the roll

They go to the Prayer Meeting
Nicely sings the show-stopping 'Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat'

The brilliance of the show is then slightly decreased by the anticlimatic ending

Nathan: Yeah, so sue me.

Curtain

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Updated On: 1/8/05 at 05:38 PM