Thoughts on saying "how are you?"

So-Being fortunate enough not to have any serious problems on my mind this morning, I was reflecting on a topic I often think about.

It used to be customary and sufficient to say "hello" and smile when you greet a person . I was okay with that as it made sense.

But nowadays, saying "how are you today" has taken its place. Not only are there more words to say to every single person you meet, but it makes no sense to me.

You are supposed to say that you are doing great, or that you're fine, and then ask the other person how they are doing. Now, you have to answer in the affirmative because even if you say that you are NOT doing well, or are NOT fine, the other person is going to smile and say "great" or "have a great day" because they aren't listening to your response anyway. And even if they are, they aren't interested in having a conversation about why you aren't feeling great.

So- I think the whole thing is meaningless, but I do it anyway. That is, if someone else starts it. I still just say "hi."

Just a little frivolity to start the day! BTW-"Have a great one!"

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That reminds me, Reggie, of what the cashier at my Duane Reade says as I'm paying for my purchses. "Did you find everything you were looking for?" Sometimes I say "No, I didn't", to which she smiles and hands me my change. One day I asked her why she asks me that, since she pays no attention when I say no.

"Oh, we're supposed to say that" she told me. LOL.

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Updated On: 4/22/09 at 10:38 AM

It's like that wonderful (apocryphal) story about the woman at McDonalds ordering ten Big Mac meals, and when the cashier asks if that's to stay or to go, the woman says "Do I look like I can eat ten Big Mac meals all by myself?"

To which the cashier replies "B!itch, I don't know your life."

They have a script; they read from it. That's all.

When I ask "how are you?" I actually am curious, and listen to the response. Even if it's someone I don't know. I believe in the concept of common experience, and a public forum invites engagement.

Have I been cursed at? Of course - which also answers my question about how they are. But I've also instigated conversation and interaction that has benefitted both of us.

I agree, Q, but I also think they are forumlas, and usually a greeting between strangers in a public setting is meant to be just that: a greeting, not a conversation starter.

Honestly, I wouldn't want to be waiting behind someone at Starbucks while they tell the cashier about their psoriasis, just because she said "How are you?"

In a social setting--be it a party or a park bench--I do believe in treating a conversation as a real exchange, even if it's only a surface or momentary one.

You're one of a rare breed, Q!

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my usual greeting is, "are you wearing underwear?"

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LOL.

I do it when it's obvious they don't care about your answer. So I try to catch 'em off guard.

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Oh my, Jane.

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Wait, you let loose on people for doing their job?

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you mean like the nazis were "just doing their jobs"??????

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Taz, sorry, my response was for Jane.

Jane, I'm sorry about your "cramp" but these people are required to greet you and ask. They are being watched and rated on their performance. And for all they know you're a secret shopper and a bad review could mean their job. It behooves them to greet everyone. And when there's more than one employee on the floor people are often greeted more than once. They don't always know if you've been greeted already or not.

I once worked for a store where my raises were based on customer reviews and my numbers. It was the only store I ever worked in where an individual's numbers were kept track of. Heck, we were required to fetch water for thirsty customers.

Comparing retail employees to Nazis is completely not fair. While I admit there are a lot of workers out there who just don't care but there are just as many who do. It's a tough job where people scream at you most of the day. The hours are long, you're on your feet, and usually you're making less than $10/hr with no benefits. I made an effort to be nice to every customer and help them to the best of my ability. I've been secret shopped more than once and never received a score of less than 95%.

In my life I've worked for six different retail establishments. I was promoted to manager at one, and offered manager at three others.

Instead of giving someone a hard time if you get greeted more than once just be polite and tell them you're just looking. No need to be rude to someone for doing what they're supposed to do.

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I don't think its really appropriate to equate people who work at stores to nazis.

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