Thoughts on saying "how are you?"

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 10:29am

So-Being fortunate enough not to have any serious problems on my mind this morning, I was reflecting on a topic I often think about.

It used to be customary and sufficient to say "hello" and smile when you greet a person . I was okay with that as it made sense.

But nowadays, saying "how are you today" has taken its place. Not only are there more words to say to every single person you meet, but it makes no sense to me.

You are supposed to say that you are doing great, or that you're fine, and then ask the other person how they are doing. Now, you have to answer in the affirmative because even if you say that you are NOT doing well, or are NOT fine, the other person is going to smile and say "great" or "have a great day" because they aren't listening to your response anyway. And even if they are, they aren't interested in having a conversation about why you aren't feeling great.

So- I think the whole thing is meaningless, but I do it anyway. That is, if someone else starts it. I still just say "hi."

Just a little frivolity to start the day! BTW-"Have a great one!"

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 10:34am

As Nancy Mitford pointed out, the correct response to "How do you do?" is "How do you do?" It's a greeting, not a question.

That's how I respond. If it's a friend who really wants to know how I am, that's usually made clear. If it's a greeter at Walmart (should I find myself at Walmart), I smile and say "Hello" in response to whatever they say.

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 10:38am

That reminds me, Reggie, of what the cashier at my Duane Reade says as I'm paying for my purchses. "Did you find everything you were looking for?" Sometimes I say "No, I didn't", to which she smiles and hands me my change. One day I asked her why she asks me that, since she pays no attention when I say no.

"Oh, we're supposed to say that" she told me. LOL.

Updated On: 4/22/09 at 10:38 AM

[D2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 10:41am

I once flummoxed a Duane Reade cashier by replying to that question with "Does anyone ever really find everything they're looking for. Anywhere?"

I just got this blank stare. And most of my change.

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 10:45am

It's like that wonderful (apocryphal) story about the woman at McDonalds ordering ten Big Mac meals, and when the cashier asks if that's to stay or to go, the woman says "Do I look like I can eat ten Big Mac meals all by myself?"

To which the cashier replies "B!itch, I don't know your life."

They have a script; they read from it. That's all.

[Eris0303]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 10:46am

I spent a long time in retail and "how are you?" is pretty much engrained in my speech. I don't know about others people but I always listened to what was being said in response.

I would often say "Did you find everything you were looking for" and if they said no I would inquire what it was and help them. If it was something I knew we didn't carry I would direct them to a different store. Or if I knew we had it I would go get it or ask a coworker to get it.

[Q]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 10:46am

When I ask "how are you?" I actually am curious, and listen to the response. Even if it's someone I don't know. I believe in the concept of common experience, and a public forum invites engagement.

Have I been cursed at? Of course - which also answers my question about how they are. But I've also instigated conversation and interaction that has benefitted both of us.

Posted: 4/22/09 at 10:50am

That's why I just always ask "WHAT are you?"

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 10:51am

I agree, Q, but I also think they are forumlas, and usually a greeting between strangers in a public setting is meant to be just that: a greeting, not a conversation starter.

Honestly, I wouldn't want to be waiting behind someone at Starbucks while they tell the cashier about their psoriasis, just because she said "How are you?"

In a social setting--be it a party or a park bench--I do believe in treating a conversation as a real exchange, even if it's only a surface or momentary one.

[shpants]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 10:51am

There is nothing worse than the person that doesn't understand when I say, "how are you?" I don't actually want to hear a play by play of their life up until now. "Good, thanks" will usually suffice.

Along the lines of "Did you find everything you were looking for?" my favorite thing ever is when they ask you, "Was anyone helping you today?" And you reply no, and they respond with a head tilt and "Oh, I'm sorry!"
To which I usually answer something along the lines of, "It's my fault. I kept away from your pushy salespeople because they bother me."

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 10:52am

You're one of a rare breed, Q!

[tazber]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 10:57am

Hasn't anyone answered "terrible, my dog is sick my spouse just left me for my best friend, I was fired for embezzling, and I have explosive diarrhea. Thanks for asking though!"

Or am I the only one?

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 10:59am

my usual greeting is, "are you wearing underwear?"

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 11:00am

I've done that in a Gap store, Taz. After three or four saleshelp asking me how I was in the course of ten seconds, I let loose!

[tazber]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 11:01am

LOL.

I do it when it's obvious they don't care about your answer. So I try to catch 'em off guard.

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 11:01am

Papa, my usual response to that question is "Did you find everything you were looking for?"

[D2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 11:01am

Oh my, Jane.

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 11:04am

"Oh my, Jane."

HAHAHA! I've done THAT in stores, too.

[Eris0303]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 11:23am

Wait, you let loose on people for doing their job?

[tazber]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 11:30am

I didn't say that. I said people who ask and don't care about the answer, not employees who are required to ask.
Plus, it's not letting loose, usually the person asking realizes it's a joke and laughs.

And their job isn't to recite a question. It's to show the customer that you care about their satisfaction. So really, when they ask like it's a chore they're not doing their job.

Updated On: 4/22/09 at 11:30 AM

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 11:33am

you mean like the nazis were "just doing their jobs"??????

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 11:34am

"Wait, you let loose on people for doing their job?"

Yes, Eris. Mostly because I had that nagging cramp.

[Eris0303]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 11:47am

Taz, sorry, my response was for Jane.

Jane, I'm sorry about your "cramp" but these people are required to greet you and ask. They are being watched and rated on their performance. And for all they know you're a secret shopper and a bad review could mean their job. It behooves them to greet everyone. And when there's more than one employee on the floor people are often greeted more than once. They don't always know if you've been greeted already or not.

I once worked for a store where my raises were based on customer reviews and my numbers. It was the only store I ever worked in where an individual's numbers were kept track of. Heck, we were required to fetch water for thirsty customers.

Comparing retail employees to Nazis is completely not fair. While I admit there are a lot of workers out there who just don't care but there are just as many who do. It's a tough job where people scream at you most of the day. The hours are long, you're on your feet, and usually you're making less than $10/hr with no benefits. I made an effort to be nice to every customer and help them to the best of my ability. I've been secret shopped more than once and never received a score of less than 95%.

In my life I've worked for six different retail establishments. I was promoted to manager at one, and offered manager at three others.

Instead of giving someone a hard time if you get greeted more than once just be polite and tell them you're just looking. No need to be rude to someone for doing what they're supposed to do.

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 11:50am

so you admit that you loved hitler, huh?

[shpants]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 11:51am

I don't think its really appropriate to equate people who work at stores to nazis.