Thoughts on saying "how are you?"- Page 3

[StockardFan]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 3:10pm

HAHAHA!

[Q]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 3:16pm

Reg - ultimately, I think rational people can tell if there's just a 'formality' taking place, or if the other person is actually open to connection. I'm not really on a mission to force others into some kind of invasion of their personal space. I just tend to go about my business with an eye open for real human connection - and if I see the opportunity, I take it.

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 3:30pm

Q, as I said before, I agree with you.

[JbaraFan1]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 3:59pm

Several years back, the mandatory slogan from the person behind the counter to any exiting customer at Jim Dandy gas/convenience stores (exclusive to the southern U.S.?) was "Have a Jim Dandy day!" (Only it was more like: "Have a Jim DANDY day!") It was annoying and funny at the same time. I felt kind of sorry for the employees for having to say that stupid line. One time a woman working there whispered to me after saying the dreadful line, "They make us say that!" I told her I understood and that I thought "they" were idiots.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 4:01pm

Oh no! I don't think I could work there!

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 4:21pm

Hey, thanks to you all who got what I was trying to say here!

[Weez]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 5:33pm

I get what you're saying, Jane!

Generally, I only ask how someone is if I actually care, or if they asked me first. My reply is either "I'm very well, thank you" if life is good or "oh, could be worse" if life sucks. And if I ask someone, I listen to their answer, whether they treat it as a meaningless pleasantry or choose that moment to unload.

Shopping in America confuses me. In Britain, we say "sorry" and "thank you" a lot. When I buy something in an American shop and get "you're welcome" in response to "thank you", I am BAFFLED. Retail conversation is not like real conversation; "you're welcome" is common outside a shop, but any transaction is usually a barrage of "thank you"s. Break from that, and I am thrown.

Also, I talk round in circles until I think the whole point has been put across. O_O

[StockardFan]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 5:36pm

I usually say how are you to people I know. Like today the owner of the nail salon came in and said "Hi Stockard...how are you?" I said "Fine thanks and you?" Her - "Fine thanks!"

End of convo.

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 5:49pm

thanks Weezie.

I'm fully aware that no one really wants to hear how you are or if you really found what you're looking for etc, etc. All of this stuff amounts to daily pleasantries, being polite and nice.

My point is- instead of the old "hello", we now have MORE words to say that are meaningless. It's just a commentary-not important, not serious, I was just trying to wax frivolous. Think Fran Leibowitz, for those who know of her.

Yes, I was having one of my Fran Leibowitz moments.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 6:12pm

I think most of us understood that Janie!

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 6:16pm

Yay!

[spiderdj82]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 6:37pm

Here, you get a "Hey, how are you?" as you walk by someone. It's not a problem to me at all and I say it to others. It must be a southern thing. Who knows. lol

[Radiana]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 6:48pm

Updated On: 4/27/09 at 06:48 PM

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 6:57pm

Oh I realize that saying and/or hearing these pleasantries doesn't bother most people. I was just making a Fran Leibowitz type of observation about society.

I, like Ms. Leibowitz am part of that grumpy antisocial group of people who don't like small talk nor asking and answering those questions.

And I have to do it at work!

[Q]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 7:07pm

If it's really just about the amount of words used, and if it's accepted that it's just a meaningless form of acknowledgement, can't you just respond with 'hi' when they say 'how are you'?

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 7:15pm

Like I said, it's just a commentary on NY life that I observed.

It was just meant to be a frivolous thread cause I was in that mood, and happy this morning. Nothing more. I'm out-

Updated On: 4/22/09 at 07:15 PM

[tazber]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 7:17pm

I'm pretty sure most people got what you were saying Jane.

Basically, if someone asks how you are you should tell them to piss off and spray mace in their eyes.

Am I close?

[Q]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 7:17pm

Oh, I know, Jane - I've just been babbling

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 7:18pm

Ok, Jane, now you can go back to having Annie Leibowitz moments.

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 7:18pm

lol I love you guys!

Anyone else here LOVE Fran Leibowitz?

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 7:22pm

A few of Fran's quotes (I had her last name spelled wrong)

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
Fran Lebowitz

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
Fran Lebowitz

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
Fran Lebowitz

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
Fran Lebowitz

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
Fran Lebowitz

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
Fran Lebowitz

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.
Fran Lebowitz

Updated On: 4/22/09 at 07:22 PM

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 7:25pm

Some more-

Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
Fran Lebowitz

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.
Fran Lebowitz

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
Fran Lebowitz

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
Fran Lebowitz

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
Fran Lebowitz

Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
Fran Lebowitz

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
Fran Lebowitz

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
Fran Lebowitz

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
Fran Lebowitz

I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
Fran Lebowitz

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
Fran Lebowitz

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 7:27pm

Jane, I just read those aloud to some friends. You would have been gratified by the response (as, I trust, Fran Lebowitz would, though perhaps to a lesser degree).

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 7:29pm

Indeed! Fran's too blase.

I had the fortune to meet her at an event at my theater last year. It was exciting for me. I think she's brilliant.

[xoangel2789xo]

Posted: 4/22/09 at 8:13pm

I was actually thinking about this today.

Reginald--oftentimes when I respond to a "how are you" with a "how are you" I get confused looks.