When teasing on the board goes too far- Page 6

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 2:55pm

Yes, a TON of crucial backstory took place in those two and a half weeks.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 2:56pm

When was DP endearing? If I had even seen those two sides of DP's behavior, then it would probably bother me less because, as you say, he would seem more like an actual human being.

I think the thread kind of morphed into a new topic. It was originally about when teasing gets out of hand. I actually don't mind teasing banter that goes back and forth, but when people just attack someone completely unprovoked simply to make fun of them or hurt them, then I do have a HUGE problem with that. Especially when other people join in just for kicks. It reminds me of my first trip to London. While I was there, a man was walking on the sidewalk near a park and was attacked by another individual who knocked him down and started kicking him. A young man was walking by and also started kicking the victim and they resumed this until someone called the police a few minutes later. Neither of the attackers knew the man, knew each other, or stole anything from the man. The second attacker told the police he joined in "for fun". The victim was literally beaten to death for sport. Now, that is an extreme example, but I can't help thinking about it when I read some of the posts on this board. And it's why I often respond the way I do. When people jump on the bandwagon to ridicule someone they don't know, it always bothers me.

[shameless]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 2:56pm

LOL, no Sueleen, this is my first screen name.

You're right, and I never meant to imply that I knew a lot of the history between posters. I was only speaking about things I've read. By the way, I was kidding about wanting Yenta to kick the crap out of you and Namo. You two, generally, add to my viewing pleasure. :)

[RobbO]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 3:03pm

**counting** may 16, 2003 until march 11, 2005. two and a half weeks?

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 3:03pm

That's the thing about backstory Matt. I have very vivid memories of DP's incredibly moving story about how Hello, Dolly, or what he called The World's Happiest Musical, pretty much saved his life as a young gay man in the pre-Stonewall era who had received nothing but negative messages about his homosexuality.

He first told the story on Broadway.com, and later re-wrote it AGAIN on this site, and you know, at some point I suppose it just gets to be too much to rewrite stories for each subsequent generation of newcomers.

It's funny, I sometimes think you and Plum are sharing the role of defender of people who are perfectly capable of defeding themselves.


PS Robbo, do you suffer from dyslexia?

Updated On: 7/6/05 at 03:03 PM

[RobbO]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 3:07pm

you're not alone, matt. there's a "let's get 'em boys" mentality around here sometimes.

[Plum]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 3:14pm

I'm not trying to save anyone. I was arguing with your point. I'm also not trying to be cryptic, but somehow I constantly seem to succeed at it anyway.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 3:30pm

But Namo, when was the last time he showed any "endearing" qualities? There must have been some point where bitterness became his dominant trait because I'm hard-pressed to think of anything endearing from DP in the last year and a half. I can remember a bit more balance in his posts a little over a year ago, but I honestly don't think "back story" is a viable defense at this time. If anything, it only proves he hasn't learned much from the past. If the negativity once destroyed him, why is he so eager to heap it upon others for no reason than to get his kicks? He balked when discovering that his screen name has lewd connotations and even threatened to leave the board because of this and felt conflicted as a CHRISTIAN and turns around and makes his own lewd comments to others on the board. That is a little back story that is never discussed either. And there are other back stories as well that don't seem to pop up.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 3:44pm

Look, I'm not going to debate it with you Matt. Unlike you and Plum, I believe that people who interact with others should be able to deal with conflict and -- here's the part you and Plum don't seem to grasp -- are able to defend themselves.

What you originally posted was:

"When was DP endearing? If I had even seen those two sides of DP's behavior, then it would probably bother me less because, as you say, he would seem more like an actual human being."

I gave you an example of what I found endearing. Then you replied and amended your request that, well, the example would satisfy you IF it had happened in the last year and a half.

This is what I mean when I point out that people here just have MAJOR control issues. (Me too, I feel like I will burst a vein if I see one more ambiguously titled thread). You can't control other people. You can't expect everybody to follow ever shifting rules and never break them. You can't protect "the children," "the infirm," "the defenseless." You just can't. And more importantly, you can't ask for an example and then complain that it's not recent enough and expect somebody to comply with THAT request. God knows, you'd change the rules again for that, too, probably.

[etoile]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 3:56pm

As Namo pointed out some posters have known each other online AND in person for years...and years..and years. And many of these so called "bullying" incidents have actually been orchestrated between the parties. Bet you didn't know that, huh?

Now if people want to discuss what's cruel on this board how about addressing some of these things?

What's cruel is to bash a replacement actor because she's not subjectively as pretty? Or doesn't have a belt? Or doesn't appear at a stage door with her own blue Sharpy? Or doesn't pose for photos? Or doesn't invite you to dinner? Or didn't want to be your prom date? Even 20 years later.

See, there are some on this board that live in their own delusional world. And some seem to allow themselves to be sucked into other's real or imagined drama. There are backstories and subtext to MANY of these threads. Never take any thread at face value. I know this isn't waht some want to believe, but not everything posted here is as it seems.

[morebroadwayplease]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 3:57pm

As much as it hurts me to say this, there are just a select few of people on BWW that aren't that nice or kind and considerate -- I know I sound completely teacher-like but it's hard not to be in this situation.

I think that people are cruel in general online because it's easier to do; it's not face to face and no one can literally punch you or slap you back for what you say. Trust me, whatever you say can hurt to some just as much as it would in person. Personally, I don't take any crap at all in person or online. It's important for me to be this way - and I'm so lucky I am this way - because people will send crap my way because I'm different - I'm gay.

To all that ever at all take crap in from others - don't take it seriously because what it is is crap and nothing else. Don't EVER EVER EVER second guess yourself. Send it back at them and tell them to shove that f*cked up crap up their ass - not literally in those words obviously.

Life is a tough thing to deal with, throw away the sh*t and believe in yourself.

Sorry I said crap so many times.

[etoile]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 4:06pm

It's okay, you added a smiley face.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 4:17pm

"I gave you an example of what I found endearing. Then you replied and amended your request that, well, the example would satisfy you IF it had happened in the last year and a half."

It wasn't an amended request, but a rhetorical question I did not expect you to answer. And I'm not implying that his moment of endearment HAD to occur within a specific time frame, I meant that had it been seen more frequently or recently, then back stories would be unnecessary. But your post made it seem like one endearing back story from a couple of years ago need never be repeated when people question the behavior of a couple of years of bitterness. I said if he had more balanced posts it would probably bother me LESS, but I would still hate unprovoked attacks for sport.

"And more importantly, you can't ask for an example and then complain that it's not recent enough and expect somebody to comply with THAT request."

I'm not asking anyone to comply with anything. Obviously, people here will do what they want. Some get away with it and others don't. I started this point of the discussion with you because you said "people get pegged as nice OR mean" and it may because at the point they come in, that could very well be the case. In the case of DP, it could have been any time in the last year or year-and-a-half. Come to think of it, I do remember him posting something to help a kid with the issue of coming out. It still doesn't change the fact that he is intentionally cruel most of the time.

Nobody has to debate with me or comply with me or agree with me. I know you're fond of the "kill or be killed" approach to message boards, but I don't always feel that way. It's not so much defending someone else as it is using Liquid Plum-r to stop the sh*t from pouring all over the place. People bitch about Wicked threads and I bitch about this.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 4:30pm

Ah, welcome back Mister "On the other hand, but then again, on the OTHER other hand" Matt. I've personally missed you.

[Plum]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 4:30pm

Hoooly crap. At what point did I interfere in the great Yenta-DP battle? I'm still not even sure it is a battle, because unlike you, I don't think I have much of an ability to read subtext. So quit. Poking. The straw man. Namo.

[RobbO]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 4:32pm

hey, matt! get your own persona. don't try to steal my (alleged) persona. stale, yes. but i like it too.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 7/6/05 at 5:20pm

Oh Namo, that's like saying you expect me to be nice OR mean.

But it's nice to be missed.

RobbO - I had the persona first. Namo loved it a year ago. It was endearing.