Worst showtune lyric

[roquat]

Posted: 9/27/08 at 9:36pm

Yes, that's right; I'm bored with the Sarah Palin/Who Won the Debate threads and wanted to post something completely frivolous and disposable. I have several candidates:

"When you are here, my life is so much more
Than photographs and newsprint on the floor."

--Marilyn, An American Fable

"Give them hope,
Give them soap!"

--A Doll's Life

"It's a simple little gig,
You help me kill a pig"

--Carrie, the Musical

AND the ALL-TIME WINNER--

"How'd ya do and where's your monkey-do
How'd ya do, how'd ya do---ooo

I'm a goat and you're my doggy-do
How'd ya do, how'd ya do---ooo

In a yellow sky, you know the sun is blue
So how'd ya do, how'd ya do--ooo?"

---Georgy (I know it was the 1960s, but does ANYONE have any idea what the context was here--do these lyrics make sense on ANY level?)

Other candidates?

[best12bars]

Posted: 9/27/08 at 9:49pm

I couldn't possibly top those choices.

Wow.

I'm surprised they weren't deported for lyrics like that. Even if they were native born.

[JohnBoy2]

Posted: 9/27/08 at 9:56pm

"An old lady is waltzing in her flat. Waltzing with her cat."

[artscallion]

Posted: 9/27/08 at 10:00pm

There's gotta be something in Aspects of Love. The only problem is I refuse to listen to it again to find one. Though I do remember one awful line that a maid sang to Michael Ball that went something like, "would you like some fresh coffee with that omelet? I remember you always liked fresh coffee with your omelets, sir"

[bwayfan9]

Posted: 9/27/08 at 10:21pm

Why isn't this on the broadway board?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

[madbrian]

Posted: 9/27/08 at 10:22pm

The entirety of Cats.

[Paul W. Thompson]

Posted: 9/27/08 at 11:00pm

"Hosanna, Hey Zanna, Zanna, Zanna, Hosanna, Hey Zanna, Hosanna."

No, this is not from "The Name Game" song. This is from the esteemed "Jesus Christ Superstar," from the pen of the acclaimed Tim Rice. lol

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 9/27/08 at 11:31pm

Cats? Seriously? You're bashing T.S. Eliot? I'd like to nominate anything Steven Schwartz. Especially on projects where he writes both music and lyrics. He tends to fair better writing one or the other.

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 9/28/08 at 1:11am

"Take me to a zoo that's got chimpanzees
Tell me on a Sunday, please."
- "Tell Me on a Sunday", Song & Dance
(really, the majority of that song)


"There are bridges you cross you didn't know that you'd crossed until you've crossed."
= "For Good", Wicked


"We're not gonna pay
We're not gonna pay
We're not gonna pay
Last year's rent
This year's rent
Next year's rent
Rent, rent, rent, rent, rent
We're not gonna pay rent
'Cause everything is rent."

- "Rent", Rent
(On top of being bad lyrics, not paying your rent is just plain irresponsible...)

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 9/28/08 at 1:18am

"Finally, for this one night
I'm about to have a fun night
With this Munchkin boy"

More intricate rhyme schemes from Stephen "Oh God, I'm deahhhhhhhhd" Schwartz

[Q]

Posted: 9/28/08 at 2:09am

"You're bashing T.S. Eliot?"

I've got to admit, I wondered the same thing.

[StickToPriest]

Posted: 9/28/08 at 2:21am

For all the problems people have with Cats, to say the lyrics (and, thus, Eliot's poems) are bad is incredible misguided.

"The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there's the name that the family use daily,
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James,
Such as Victor or Jonathan, or George or Bill Bailey -
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter -
But all of them sensible everyday names.
But I tell you, a cat needs a name that's particular,
A name that's peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular,
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum -
Names that never belong to more than one cat.
But above and beyond there's still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover -
But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name."

What in there is bad?

[madbrian]

Posted: 9/28/08 at 7:37am

We're not commenting on poetry, we're commenting on lyrics, right? I didn't say Eliot's poems are awful, I'm saying they're not at all suited to a Broadway musical.

[Weez]

Posted: 9/28/08 at 8:08am

Tim Rice is an effective lyricist, a fun lyricist, and a TERRIBLE lyricist. Go listen to 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat', you'll see.

[KathyGriffinLovesYou]

Posted: 9/28/08 at 9:39am

"It looks like love and it sounds like love and it seems like love and it feels like love and it walks like love and it talks live love and it ruuuuns like love and it skips like love and it hurts like love dissappoints like love disappears like love reappears like love and it shouts like love and it sings like love so guess what me friend I think. I think I got love."
Zanna, Don'ts! "I Think I got Love". I still secretly love it!

[Auggie27]

Posted: 9/28/08 at 9:44am

I always start with this gem from the title song in WOMAN OF THE YEAR.

"It's my night, Sammy
all mine, Sammy,
And you can't give it
your well known whammy."

But Miss Bacall has had more than her share, going back to her much-quoted first endeavor in the musical theater:

"...I feel half Tiajuana half Boston...
partly Jane Fonda and partly Jane Austin..."

"...fasten your seat belt, it's gonna be a bumpy night...
...fasten your seat belt, I think that I'm just a wee bit tight..."

Updated On: 9/28/08 at 09:44 AM

[blondebaby589]

Posted: 9/30/08 at 2:24pm

"Excuse me if I'm off track
But if you're so wise then tell me,
Why do you need smack?"
-Rent

[D2]

Posted: 9/30/08 at 2:28pm

Manfred
And all my merchandise is strictly Kosher
When you've thrown away all your old worn-out stuff,

Joe
Hey, that's enough

Manfred
Perhaps you'd like to model for my brochure

SUNSET BOULEVARD

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 9/30/08 at 2:29pm

A friend of mine actually saw GEORGY. He said after Meredith dumps her newborn baby on Georgy, she bursts into a number called "I'm Finally Free To Be Me". Sounds priceless.


"Can't you feel the cosmic surge
As two lives begin to merge?"
--BABY

Updated On: 9/30/08 at 02:29 PM

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 9/30/08 at 2:32pm

D2, in British English, "kosher" and "brochure" actually do rhyme, so that one's not as bad as it seems to American ears.

(But you can still not like it.)

[Roscoe]

Posted: 9/30/08 at 2:40pm

Below, the lowest point in recent musical theatre. I couldn't believe my eyes and ears:


When hedges hide the world away
And shadows blur the time of day
When cans of cat food are paté
You're entering Grey Gardens

The musty smell of feline fur
The dusty marks where pictures were
The vermin in the furniture
You're entering Grey Gardens

The ceiling sags, the stairway creaks
The faucet drips, the toilet leaks
The crumbling walls, the broken clocks
It's like a twenty-eight room litterbox

One-hundred-fifty windowsills
To catch a wink or two
And that's Grey Gardens from a cats eye view

Meow

Meow

Meow

Meow

Meow

The fog rolls in, and there it stays
It suffocates the house in haze
From room to room, it drifts about
And nobody except a cat gets out

A haven from a callous world
With no one saying "shoo"
And that's Grey Gardens from a cat's eye view

Meow

Meow


Meow

Meow

Meow

[D2]

Posted: 9/30/08 at 3:17pm

I understand that, Reg - but even my British friends think that rhyme sucks.

[GlindatheGood22]

Posted: 9/30/08 at 4:12pm

Roscoe, I agree. I love Grey Gardens, but I FREAKING HATE THAT SONG!!

And, as my own contribution:

"Farewell, don't forget us/ Do tell how you met us." Say Good-bye to Freak Show, SIDE SHOW

[Kitzarina]

Posted: 9/30/08 at 4:33pm

"Uh, Nessa.
I've got something to confess, a
Reason why, well—
Why I asked you here tonight"
-- Wicked

"To kill outside St. Pauls
Requires a lot of balls!"
-- Jekyll & Hyde

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 9/30/08 at 5:03pm

the earth will wave with corn
the day so wild, so warm
and mares will neigh
with stallions that they mate
foals they've borne

and all shall know the wonder
I will sing the song of purple summer

I think the only "purple summer" I experienced involved a hit of windowpane in 1989 at a dance club in Dallas.