Worst showtune lyric

I couldn't possibly top those choices.

Wow.

I'm surprised they weren't deported for lyrics like that. Even if they were native born.

---

There's gotta be something in Aspects of Love. The only problem is I refuse to listen to it again to find one. Though I do remember one awful line that a maid sang to Michael Ball that went something like, "would you like some fresh coffee with that omelet? I remember you always liked fresh coffee with your omelets, sir"

---

The entirety of Cats.

---

Cats? Seriously? You're bashing T.S. Eliot? I'd like to nominate anything Steven Schwartz. Especially on projects where he writes both music and lyrics. He tends to fair better writing one or the other.

"Finally, for this one night
I'm about to have a fun night
With this Munchkin boy"

More intricate rhyme schemes from Stephen "Oh God, I'm deahhhhhhhhd" Schwartz

---

For all the problems people have with Cats, to say the lyrics (and, thus, Eliot's poems) are bad is incredible misguided.

"The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there's the name that the family use daily,
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James,
Such as Victor or Jonathan, or George or Bill Bailey -
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter -
But all of them sensible everyday names.
But I tell you, a cat needs a name that's particular,
A name that's peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular,
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum -
Names that never belong to more than one cat.
But above and beyond there's still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover -
But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name."

What in there is bad?

---

Tim Rice is an effective lyricist, a fun lyricist, and a TERRIBLE lyricist. Go listen to 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat', you'll see.

---

I always start with this gem from the title song in WOMAN OF THE YEAR.

"It's my night, Sammy
all mine, Sammy,
And you can't give it
your well known whammy."

But Miss Bacall has had more than her share, going back to her much-quoted first endeavor in the musical theater:

"...I feel half Tiajuana half Boston...
partly Jane Fonda and partly Jane Austin..."

"...fasten your seat belt, it's gonna be a bumpy night...
...fasten your seat belt, I think that I'm just a wee bit tight..."

---

Updated On: 9/28/08 at 09:44 AM

Manfred
And all my merchandise is strictly Kosher
When you've thrown away all your old worn-out stuff,

Joe
Hey, that's enough

Manfred
Perhaps you'd like to model for my brochure

SUNSET BOULEVARD

---

D2, in British English, "kosher" and "brochure" actually do rhyme, so that one's not as bad as it seems to American ears.

(But you can still not like it.)

I understand that, Reg - but even my British friends think that rhyme sucks.

---

"Uh, Nessa.
I've got something to confess, a
Reason why, well—
Why I asked you here tonight"
-- Wicked

"To kill outside St. Pauls
Requires a lot of balls!"
-- Jekyll & Hyde

---