know any jokes?

i feel like i dont know any, i was asked to tell one off the top of my head at a college audition and i had to tell this old one that im sure everyone knows (the one about the girl from the bronx who goes to harvard, anyone?)

we all need a few laughes, huh? they can be dirty if you want (by all means )

haha! thats great! keep em coming, people!

since i'm feeling generous i'll share two of my all time favorites:

rene descartes walks into a bar. bartender says, "will you have a beer?" rene replies, "i think not." and promptly disappears.

how many dadaists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? fish.

---

papalovesmambo, i told that first joke to some of my friends and they cracked up.

ok, i'll go ahead and tell the joke that i think you all know already;

so, this girl from the bronx works really hard in high school and she manages to get some really good grades. she ends up being the valedictorian and going to harvard. well, when she gets to harvard she looks around and finds that she's a little lost, so she goes up to a nice looking blonde girl in a checkered skirt and a sweater that says "harvard" on it, and askes:
"excuse me, could you tell me where the librarys at?"
and the nice looking blonde in the checker skirt says
"im sorry, at harvard we don't use prepositions at the end of sentences."
and the girl from the bronx says:
"oh im sorry. then... could you tell me where the librarys at, bitch?"

har har har

good one. i'll have to remember to site my sources when i tell these

Now, if you're going to just be mean and tell Helen Keller jokes, tell two or three and than tell this one -

Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive a car?

A: Because she's a woman.

---

another oldie but goodie:

three couples die in a car crash and go up to the pearly gates and meet saint peter. when they get there, saint peter says to the first man; "sir, you cannot enter heaven for you loved money so much that you married a woman named penny." then he looks at the second man and says "sir, you cannot enter heaven for you loved cars so much you married a woman named alexus." at which point the third man turns around and says to his wife; "maybe we ought to just leave now, i dont think we really have a chance, fanny."

Updated On: 5/16/04 at 12:40 PM

I know lots of amusing jokes, but unfortunately I'll offend the entire free world

---

feel free, cjr

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
The blond replies...”Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

Finally, a smart blonde joke!

---

love that blonde joke. these hellen keller one's are gold too

I'll gladly PM them to anyone who asks.... but if you're easily offended, don't bother lmao

---

Hahahaha yeaaah! That would be fun times

---