know any jokes? — Page 3

#51

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/24/04 at 7:17am

iruvu..that's surprising I got the riddle right..I usually don't get anything right. Well here's my favorite Helen Keller:

Helen Keller on "To Tell The Truth" game show.
Contestant # 1....My name is Helen Keller
Contestant # 2....My name is Helen Keller
Contestant # 3....ughughughughughughughugh

---

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. Ralph Waldo Emerson

#52

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/24/04 at 11:11am

That reminds me of a post I read on a thread a while ago. (Cue glissando and flashback music) It was for a musical version of The Miracle Worker. Someone (I'm not sure who) said one of the songs could be "I Say Potato, You Say UNNWHWH, I Say Tomato, You Say UNNWHWHWHW". I'm laughing as I'm typing this.

#53

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/24/04 at 11:20am

Now that's hysterical !!!!!

---

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. Ralph Waldo Emerson

#54

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/24/04 at 9:46pm

Why did Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

So she could moan with the other.

Why did Helen Keller wear spandex?

So you could read her lips.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a peice of driftwood?

You can't throw a pecie of driftwood away with a pitchfork.

#55

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/25/04 at 12:23am

Don't even get started on the dead baby jokes! There are to many for this sites bandwidth!

---

BSoBW2: I punched Sondheim in the face after I saw Wicked and said, "Why couldn't you write like that!?"

#56

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/25/04 at 2:12pm

i'm pretty sure alot of people have heard this one before but what the heck:

george washington, abraham lincoln, bill clinton, and george bush are in a plane. george washington throws one dollar bill out the window and says "i made one person happy!" abraham lincoln throws five dollar bills out the window and said "i made five people happy!" bill clinton throws george bush out the window and says "i made the world happy!"

---

parking for drive-thru service only. thank you.

#57

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/25/04 at 4:09pm

bway girl-o too too true-that was good

---

:) cco

#58

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/25/04 at 4:14pm

I have a one-line joke......

"michael jackson confirmed to play the childcather in broadway's 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"

#59

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/25/04 at 4:20pm

wow.. the amount of michael jackson jokes doubles evryday doesn't it?

---

:) cco

#60

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/25/04 at 6:31pm

Here's a blonde joke:

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Scroll down
















Scroll up

---

I have my books and my poetry to protect me...

#61

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/25/04 at 7:36pm

**WARNING: This joke is extremely corny**

A Frenchman spent months planning to steal several paintings from the Louvre.
He planned the crime perfectly.
He got in and out past security.
But then, two blocks from the scene of the crime, his Econoline ran out of gas.
He was captured.
When American reporters asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

---

I starred in a short film called Magnetic Personality. Check it out!

#62

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/25/04 at 10:41pm

A little boy asks his dad, "How does this country work?"
His dad replies well lets think about it like this I'm like the president, you're mother is like the government, You are the people, The Maid is like the workers and your little sister is like the future.
Later that night his little sister wakes him up crying after soiling her diapers and the little boy notices on the way to the baby's room that his dad is having sex with the maid.
The next day the father replies do you understand what I told you yesterday.
The little boy's response is "So what your telling me is the president is screwing the workers while the government sleeps, and the people are in trouble because the future's in deep S***

---

You, you are the worst thing to happen to musical theater since Andrew Lloyd Webber... and you I just don't like you.

#63

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/26/04 at 12:06pm

ROTFLMAO! That is HILAROUS!

#64

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/26/04 at 12:32pm

One fine day George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Bill Clinton are at book signing in Kansas. Suddenly, a tornado grabs them all and deposits them smack in the middle of 'Oz'.

Sitting up they realize where they are and immediately decide to go find Joel Gr...uh... the wizard.

"I'm going to ask the wizard for a heart!", Cheney says excitedly.

"I'ma gonna... ask the wizard for... a brain!", George W. stammers gleefully.

Clinton brushes himself off and let's out a howl... "Yeee Haww! Now. Where's that Dorothy!"

---

Hamlet's father.

#65

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/27/04 at 1:29pm

laughing my a** off!

---

:) cco

#66

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/27/04 at 1:35pm

Ckeaton, you spelled it wrong. It's not CHENEY, it's CHENO

---

"Noah, someday we'll talk again. But there's things we'll never say. That sorrow deep inside you. It inside me, too. And it never go away. You be okay. You'll learn how to lose things..."

#67

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/28/04 at 7:22pm

corny:

these two old ladies have been friends for years, and now just about all that they can do is play cards. after a while, old lady #1 says to old lady #2 "i am very sorry, but could you please remind me what your name is" and old lady #2 glares at #1 for about 30 seconds, then says; "i'll get back to you on that?"

#68

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 6/30/04 at 8:20pm

that reminds me of a joke, but icant rememer what it is...darn it

---

:) cco

#69

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 7/1/04 at 11:19am

Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came in front of them and opened his trenchcoat.
The first woman had a stoke.
The second woman also had a stroke.
But third little old lady's arm was too short.

hee hee hee

#70

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 7/1/04 at 8:36pm

Two cows are standing on a hillside.
One says to the other,
"Are you worried about this 'mad cow disease'?"
The other cow says,
"No. I'm an airplane."

---

I starred in a short film called Magnetic Personality. Check it out!

#71

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 7/6/04 at 4:54pm

how many ADD kids does it take to screw ina lightbulb?

do you wanna go fishing?

---

:) cco

#72

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 7/6/04 at 4:59pm

Good one drama queen!

---

"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." Conan O'Brien

#73

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 7/6/04 at 5:14pm

How nice that some find humor in the affliction of children.

---

Rest in peace, Iflitifloat.

#74

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 7/6/04 at 5:17pm

etoile, if you were to post a joke, what kind would it be?

---

"Noah, someday we'll talk again. But there's things we'll never say. That sorrow deep inside you. It inside me, too. And it never go away. You be okay. You'll learn how to lose things..."

Updated On: 7/6/04 at 05:17 PM

#75

re: know any jokes?

Posted: 7/6/04 at 5:28pm

Also distasteful, but what I've come to expect.

---

Rest in peace, Iflitifloat.