know any jokes? — Page 2

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.


The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'.

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic crone says "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"

The fourth Catholic lady replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2," hard-bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh, my God!"

ok, everyone has heard this one but...

what did the woman on the beach say to micheal jackson?

"sir could you please get out of my sun."

i wasnt sure whether to type sun or son, but you get the drift, i know it works better verbally.

this is irreverant AND racist so thats A DISCLAIMER...
a priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they spot a beautiful young man walking toward them. Under his breath, the priest says "How'd you like to screw THAT?" and the rabbi replies "Outta what?"

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Worst joke ever.

Q: Whats the difference between a chicken and a grape?
A: They're both purple, except for the chicken.

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- Two blondes walk into a building. You'd think that one of them would have seen it!

- Two fish are in a tank. One fish turns to the other and says, "Got any idea how to drive this thing?"

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My favorite joke is way too long (& naughty!), but here are my short favorites.

Where does the king keep his armies?
In his sleevies!
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c-
MOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Ok, everyone knows why the chicken crossed the road-to get to the other side.
But why did the baby cross the road?
'cause he was stapled to the chicken!

heehee!

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A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding meets with their rabbi for counseling.
The rabbi asks if they have any last questions before they leave.
The man asks, "Rabbi, we realize it's tradition for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women at the reception. But, we'd like your permission to dance together, like the rest of the world."
"Absolutely not," says the rabbi. "It's immodest. Men and women always dance separately."
"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"
"No," answered the rabbi. "It's forbidden."
"Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"
"Of ! course!," replies the rabbi. "Sex is a mitzvah - a good thing within marriage, to have children!"
"What about different positions?" asks the man.
"No problem," says the rabbi. "It's a mitzvah!"
"Woman on top?" the man asks.
"Sure," says the rabbi. "Go for it! It's a mitzvah!"
"Doggy style?"
"Sure! Another mitzvah!"
"On the kitchen table?"
"Yes, yes! A mitzvah!"
"Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"
"You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!"
"Can we do it standing up?"
"No." says the rabbi."
"Why not?" asks the man.
"Could lead to dancing"

another helen keller:
it works better verbally but:
why did helen kellers dog run away?
you would leave home too if your name was UNNNNH

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Updated On: 7/7/04 at 07:41 PM

I know! Can I say?

Because her sister stole her BMW to use as a getaway car in a bank heist and tried to frame the girl.

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Wait BWB got it right! The girl killed her sister in hope that the guy would go to the funeral!

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