There was an incident a few years ago at the Tony Awards. Bernadette was in the ladies room applying extra rouge to her cheeks. Obviously the Star Monitor was off somewhere taking a nip of gin because into the ladies room swept Patti LuPone. (It is in both of these women's contracts that there is to be nobody in the ladies room when they sweep in).
Bernadette looked at Patti's reflection in the mirror and said: Anything you can do, I can do better.
Patti responded: I kept my promise, you keep your distance.
Bernadette said: Time heals everything but loving you.
Patti advancing to the sink said: The tigers come at night.
Suddenly the Star Monitor burst into the bathroom. She said: "For the love of Sondheim, I must ask both of you to evacuate this room immediately."
The two women were pushed aside as Angela Lansbury made a grand entrance into the powder room. "Upon Merman's death, I became the reigning Rose, and I will thank you talentless hacks to close the skivvy door on your way out."
It has been rumored that both Ms. LuPone and Ms. Peters murmured "Chav" under their breath as they exited the ladies room.
If anyone ever tells you that you put too much Parmesan cheese on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
Updated On: 2/11/13 at 12:01 PM