Stage Door Stalkers- Page 2

[erinrebecca]

Posted: 12/2/05 at 3:27pm

I think the term 'stalker' is being used very loosely here. There are a lot of fans who hang out at the stagedoor constantly, whether they're seeing the show or not. Rent is a perfect example of this. I think most actors are happy to say hello, sign an autograph, and pose for a picture on most nights. The problem comes when fans come to expect this EACH and EVERY time they're there. Sometimes these performers have somewhere they need to be, sometimes they're not feeling well, sometimes they're just sick to death of making smalltalk and taking a picture with the same fangirls for the 100th time. I know, slight exaggeration but come on, how many of you have seen the livejournals with photos posted with the same castmember over and over and over again? It's too much for some of these actors and it shouldn't be expected on a nightly basis. I have a family friend who was in a show and she was very good about interacting with fans for over a year. Then there was a week where she couldn't stay after the shows because she had serious family issues which prevented it. Well, you should have seen the moaning and groaning on the message boards and fans calling her bitchy and unfriendly. Sometimes these actors can't win.

[SirLiir]

Posted: 12/2/05 at 3:30pm

So true erinrebecca.

"You're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

Stalker generally refers to those who are obsessed enough to even follow actors and actresses to their home and become a bothersome distraction in their lives. What is the terrifying part is that stalkers can become quite dangerous and in some cases, homicidal.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 12/2/05 at 3:57pm

To see these threads about "stage door stalkers" just makes me really sad. I think it is more a commentary of the slipping and lack of manners in contemporary culture. Actors should be able to enjoy and have lots of doting fans acknowledging them for the gift of themselves they express onstage. Certainly the old time movie stars did.

It's strange because actors need the fan base, yet they can be afraid of it.

A friend told me about a performance he was in with Laurence Olivier when the troupe crossed the cold war barrier and went to perform in the Soviet Union. After the show my friend quickly slipped from backstage into the audience to watch as Olivier, to enthusiastic applause, came back for additional curtain calls. From the orchestra the Soviet audience covered the stage with bouquets at his feet. Vivien Leigh, his wife, knew Russian and had assisted him to prepare a little speech to the crowd in Russian. He began and the crowd went wild with applause. He had to stop many times and it was just a simple little speech. From the balcony the crowd took turns going to the balcony's edge where they were closer to the stage and tossed single roses, covering the sides of the stage floor. The curtain call lasted a solid half an hour of thunderous applause.

Now those were fans.
Updated On: 12/2/05 at 03:57 PM

[wickedrentq]

Posted: 12/2/05 at 4:52pm

Wow, this thread has prompted a lot of intelligent discussion. I completely agree that the term stalker is loosely used, and sometimes not even to the perhaps "crazy stage door fans" it is being attributed to.

I have been very fortunate to get to know quite a few bway performers, most from a certain show, but not limited to that show. There are many times where I've been in situations like I've been at a concert and mentioned how nice so and so is and like someone on one side of me will be like oh you know them? I'm like well I wouldn't say we're friends but yeah they def recognize me and will say hi, and then someone on my other side will say "yeah b/c you stalk them. I'm just kidding!"

Same thing happens at the stage door. I stop by semi-often, it's always nice to get a hug and discussion if some of the actors aren't busy in a rush. Plus lots of time I get out of another show, either have already stage doored that, or not had that much of a desire, so I think why not say hi? I certainly haven't gotten more than 2 autographs(just a couple ppl playbill my first night and then a poster I bought) and not more than 1 picture, well 2 for some of them I know. Anyway, so I go and have a chat and once again someone will say wow they all know you b/c you're a stalker huh? I'm just kidding!

First off, it's not funny. Second, 50% of jokes made are true feelings one doesn't want to admit, so they cover it w/ a "just kidding." the first case, ppl just don't really understand, sometimes I've had friends of friends of actors and sometimes I've just gone to a show or appearances several times and get to chat w/ them, that certainly doesn't make me a stalker. And in the second case, sometimes I almost think that comment is made a tad in jealousy, to feel superior. I might have felt the same way a while back, but sometimes I feel if someone sees me hugging and chatting w/ the actors they get a bit jealous but then are able to tell themselves oh she's probably a stalker or a crazy fan, no need to be jealous, or something like that.

I could get really offended by these comments, especially because I try to be as unimposing as possible. For awhile I was scared to visit the stage door too much b/c I worried I was imposing or there too much, but then it was made clear to me it wasn't the case and I'm welcome anytime. I think someone hit it right on the nail--the difference between a stalker or even a really crazy fan is the love being so aligned w/ hatred, how easily one can get upset if an actor doesn't come out, or maybe it is jealousy of talent, I don't know. Fans like me who feel absolutely no animosity I think tend to be the ones that the actors come to appreciate who can remain calm yet really appreciative and complementary of their work.

And most importantly, if I'm there, and someone comes out and says oh hi I really can't talk I have friends here or hi I really can't talk I gotta get home....I beat them to a bloody pulp until they agree to have a conversation w/ me or else they will be more bothered, this usually does the trick.

Or I joke that they're not allowed or just say totally understandable, which is how i feel and I'm sure I'll see them again. The first option is probably the most fun.

Updated On: 12/2/05 at 04:52 PM

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 12/2/05 at 5:18pm

It does, though, beg the question. I'm not even saying this just to be facetious, but it goes through my head in my bouts of self-conscious fear. What do they actually think when they see you 2974987492873328 times? I mean, I do think there's a blatant, obvious difference between being at that stage door once a week, or even more "just to say hi" and catching up with someone after a performance, because you go to many of the things they do. With the latter, I think you can, if it's there, see honest gratitude for your support. With the former, like, honestly, going really often is kind of weird. I've had maybe one or two "oh, I think I'm just going to stop by and say hello," or "you know, I don't really have a good photo with ___" moments, but I certainly would feel very strange just stopping by over and over and over again.

I tend to be very hesitant in talking about the topic, or making whatever obvious. I've been the recipient of dirty looks, and it's not exactly because I've forced someone to take notice of me. I do think showing up at someone's place of work 239847987 times over and over again or doing wacky things so you're "that fan" is very forceful, like you're *trying* to get a relationship to grow, and it strikes me as sense of entitlement. Maybe you'll feel some bizarre sense of accomplishment when one of these people hugs you or learns your name, but I'd rather have something happen because the desire is mutual, not because I'm like "hey, I love you, so LOVE ME BACK, damn it!"

I know people took offense to this song, but again, he's honest. That doesn't mean he's wrong.

I don't wanna be your book of endings.
Take a little time, I'm just pretending.
Every single one of you haunt me every night...
I don't wanna be the scars I'm bearing,
I'm just a little shy of not quite caring....

Like soldiers marching,
One by one they vie
For attention,
A blessing in disguise.
I deserve you,
Every second of your time.....

Perhaps that's the part that's most tongue-in-cheek, but I never took it to be specified, or to even be the entirety of his perspective.

There's another line that's really relevant to this, I think:

I know "hello, how are you?"
Don't seem like much to you....

People DO get irritated if they don't think they've gotten enough face time or attention or love of whatever. Like, little things don't mean anything to some of the more over-exhuberant fans like Roger Bart talks about.

Updated On: 12/2/05 at 05:18 PM

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 12/2/05 at 5:20pm

well i for one take great offense to rog's description of those of us fans who choose to spend our time in the freezing cold or driving rain or chilling wind or even in the sweltering heat just to have a chance to congratualte our favorite performers on their accomplishments on the stage. this has nothing to do with that restraining order, does it, rog? because like i told you when you found me in your clothes hamper, it was just a one time thing for a friend who really, really wanted a pair of your underwear (pm me somms). i mean sheesh. like it's really that big a big deal to find a complete stranger dressed as ulla in your clothes hamper. if i was such a threat then why, pray tell, did i get past the stage door, huh? riddle me that!

[xM3L24x]

Posted: 12/2/05 at 5:22pm

hahaha lmao *pees in pants*

[OddExoticCreature]

Posted: 12/2/05 at 8:57pm

"hey, I love you, so LOVE ME BACK, damn it!"

omg hahaahahahahahahahahahahahaha....

that's so true though...it's human nature! awww.

[JACXR71]

Posted: 12/2/05 at 9:15pm

In one of the other stage door threads a while back (which was my first), I shared thoughts that ended up being put in the FAQ. I won't copy and paste, but this thread has gotten me thinking about that again.

It's strange mix of adoration, entitlement, and misguided love. People aren't always sure why they're so strongly attracted to a performer. Any good show or even any good performance will ignite feelings a person has never had before, and the logical assumption would be that seeing/meeting/talking to these people will offer an extension of those feelings. That's where you get into the whole actors vs. people debate.

Take characters that people can relate to, or sympathize with. The performers playing those roles are the manifestations of those characters, which is why people will feel this "love" for a particular performer. After all, an actor's job is to bring the story to life, and with particularly strong or moving works, any good actor will evoke the feelings that the creator of the piece hoped to inspire.

On a less-deeper level, but with the same point in mind, people just enjoy the feeling they get from their favorite performers - it doesn't have to be a life-changing experience, but if you love someone's voice, or the way someone sings, or even just their stage presence, those feelings can be just as strong.

I know the direction of this thread went towards discussing appropriate/inappropriate behavior and the validity of labeling fans vs. stalkers, but I think people forget why these phenomena occur in the first place. It's a very odd occurence when the surreal, almost fanstastical feelings of escape and wonder you get from a show clash with real-world norms and customs, and that's exactly what happens at stage doors. I think that's why a lot of people lose control.

Again, not that anyone is owed anything, and many people certainly do act/feel that way, but it helps to understand why people have such strong feelings when it comes to stagedooring.

Personally, though I see nothing wrong with simply wanting an autograph or picture, I do usually attempt to have some sort of deeper conversation, or at least something of interest to say to the person I want to meet. Though I usually end up feeling like a tool anyway, but that's just me

Updated On: 12/2/05 at 09:15 PM

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 12/2/05 at 9:29pm

In terms of labelling "fans" versus "stalkers," if you stalk someone, you follow them home and whatnot. Stuff like that. While I don't think that it's cool to show up at the stage door wanting attention night after night after night, that's not really stalking. Stalking goes waaaay beyond that, IMO.

[JACXR71]

Posted: 12/2/05 at 9:33pm

Oh I agree, I was just noting that what I had to say wasn't really relevant anymore in terms of the direction the thread had taken.
You're definitely right, though, I do think the term is misused too often.

[RENThead414]

Posted: 12/2/05 at 10:54pm

my friends and I have stood outside the Wicked (Chicago) stage door both times after we saw the show, and all the actors/actresses were SO nice to us, espicially Kristy Cates. They have a little barrier up, and while she was signing our programs/taking pictures with us she said "I feel so weird with this barrier here!" My friend's cousin was also with us, and she brought Telly Leung (Boq) some Jelly Bellies because she heard he loved them, and he was *so* happy, lol he opened them right there and we walked home with him a little bit because he and the girl who gave him the jellies got into a conversation. It was good times. I highly reccomend finding the stage door, just be kind to the actors if they're really tired/sick and need to leave, because if it were me and I was freaked out by fans mobbing me, I'd want them to just let me go too. hehe.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 12/3/05 at 12:59am

Every person that sees a show is an individual, and I don't think their responses should be all lumped or classified together.

We are spiritual beings and we have different spirits and backgrounds. There is a difference between identifying with a character or responding to that character and seeing an actor doing something wonderful onstage that you think exceeds what you had thought humanly possible, very likely through some supranormal mediumistic activity.

There's a big difference between that kind of level of performance and VERY VERY FEW actors can deliver it. To me when you honor that actor you are honoring the spiritual level of nature manifesting through them. And you may just see something you like in them and so what.

I only rarely go backstage if invited by a friend or I need to go on behalf of someone else. I don't like to intrude unless I know I am welcome and my presence is wanted.

I think threads like this are kind of horrible because they make me want to go backstage even less. The idea that people who wait at the stage door to honor performers run the risk of being labeled stalkers is unfriendly, condescending and just wrong.

Updated On: 12/3/05 at 12:59 AM

[SirLiir]

Posted: 12/3/05 at 1:48am

Its interesting but when I stage door-ed (is that a word?) the smaller musicals (Ie Avenue Q and Spelling Bee), the actors and actresses are much more pleasant and even surprised to see fans there looking for their autographs. When the stage door is chatoic (Ie Wicked), its less of an interpersonal experience and more of a superficial 'lovefest'. With the other shows, when fans meet these actors, I think that creates a good connection between the two because of the more eager performer attitudes and certainly shows how affected by the performance you were.

I wish there was some stage door ettiquite that people could brush up on first. No shoving. No rude comments. No screaming ridiculous statements (-.-) Most of all be polite. The performers are tired after all. They arent there to please you. The list could go on.

PS Wickedrentq is the best stage doorer I know. Shes also polite and focused. I wish 80% of the people I see follow her example.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 12/3/05 at 3:31am

I have just never been able to stage door anyone unless I had an actual friend in the show. In that case, I would just stand back and wait. I have seen some people that really made me uncomfortable and I was just walking by. I think most of the posters on here have the social etiquette to know how to handle themselves in a proper way. There have been several shows when I have wanted to attempt it. I really wanted to wait after I saw the original cast of Wicked, just before the original departures. I stood for about 10 minutes but the attitudes and discussions of the fans around me made me leave. I am sure the performers love meeting fans after the shows, but so many people are just over the top. I figure I will just be one less person for them to deal with...lol.

[SirLiir]

Posted: 12/3/05 at 1:12pm

Jersey, may I ask what they said to make you leave?

Posted: 12/3/05 at 7:49pm

First of all, I've only ever stage doored for one show and that was Aida because I wanted to get Idina and Adam's autograph, (Adam's being for a friend of mine who just adores him but probably will never have the chance to see him perform). I've not ever done it again and this is because a lot of the behaviour that I saw then made me cringe. There just happened to be at the door that night, some people who were "regulars", (you could tell from their conversation - not that I was listening on purpose but they were really loud), and it was interesting to see the look on one of the actors' faces when they came out of the door and saw them there "again". It wasn't even as though this performer tried to hide the look, but these people STILL glommed onto the performer and you could just tell that they were uncomfortable. That bothered me. I don't ever want to be lumped into the "stage door" category.

What I really don't get are people who show up at the stage door over and over and over again even when they didn't see the show.

[KMEP05]

Posted: 12/3/05 at 7:56pm

Amen to that... I think I've maybe stage-doored one show in my life, and that was enough. It seems to make Broadway a bit animalistic these days.

Usually, if I have friends who want to stage door, I'll wait off to the side until they're done. I've been called "stuck up" for doing this, but hey - better to not be associated with crazies. It's sad it has to be that way.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 12/3/05 at 8:23pm

It was just the manic way that these people HAD to see the performers. "When ____ comes out, just push your way to the front, or you may not get an autograph." They were mentioning how many times they had met Idina or Kristin, or how much the playbill was going to be worth someday with all of the signatures. It was just very creepy to me.

[SirLiir]

Posted: 12/3/05 at 8:35pm

Yeah that is creepy Jersey.

And I agree that you really should not stage door a show unless you have seen it that night or within the last week. I admit I like to stage door DRS every other week or so for obvious reasons (see my sig) but its mostly because I know people from the show (Greg, Laura, etc). But seeing the same people there nightly would be disturbing for me, let alone the actors. For Wicked performers, I am sure it is tiring.

[OddExoticCreature]

Posted: 12/3/05 at 8:51pm

nomdeplume I love your answer.

While it is disheartening, and I have been known to be wary of stagedoor-ing due to fear of being seen as "one of them"...I've come to the realization that we are all different, we are all going to experience everything in our own way, in our own light, and so I shouldn't let other people's generalizations, opinions, or personal fears affect me. If I go to a stage door it's either to see a specific person or because I'm with a friend. I've never really understood the point of getting autographs, and I will only get them if the actor expects you to ask for it...(going down the line, etc.) and that way they are paused for a moment for me to be able to tell them how much I appreciated the performance or something. I much prefer going only if I've told an actor before hand I'd be stopping by and I have something specific to say.

It is about honoring their work, and appreciating them not only for their talent but for who they are themselves. Those fans who come across as overzealous well...it's unfortunate that's the only way they know how to express themselves but that doesn't make their reactions any less valid.

sirliir--it may seem girls screaming "OMG NORBERT YOU WERE SO GREAT AS FIYERO I LUV UUUUUUUU" is superficial and annoying (yes, it's definitely annoying) I think for the most part they really mean it. For whatever reason, that role really affected them and they probably like Norbert as a person, like his personality, appreciate all his other roles, but in that moment of over-the-top-excitement and frenzy they know they only a second to express how they feel. And we all feel a lot, and so they do it in a somewhat obscene impolite manner. I'm sure there are a few who realize they're behavior is not impeccable...but again that's their decision and truely only affects themselves and what they get out of the experience.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 12/3/05 at 8:59pm

I am reading a lot of personal justification on this thread. Why each of you is "better than" the "other" fans who stage door. It's a fine, fine line for some of you. Just be aware of that, because obviously, many of you aren't.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 12/3/05 at 10:42pm

Now, with what I have said, I have seen many more completely civil and well behaved fans than the screamers. For me, the screamers make it less worth while. I was in NO WAY saying that no one should stage door, or that everyone is rude. And it seems that most fans are sweet and most performers are genuinely appreciative. I hope I didn't come off sounding rude myself.

Updated On: 12/3/05 at 10:42 PM

[SirLiir]

Posted: 12/3/05 at 11:14pm

Well, its not about being 'better', thats the wrong word Rath. Its more about being more polite and restrained. Personal justification aside, we are simply talking about ways we, as big Broadway fans (why else would we be here) see the overzealous, casual fans. I don't care for the implication we are trying to seem superior (and I apologize if you or anyone thinks that way), but rather, just more versed and agreeable to intangible stage door guidelines. We are really just commenting on why wild fans such as those discussed give people who enjoy to stage door suspicious reps.

And in regards odd, I agree there. I just have seen some much of superficiality at the Wicked stage door over the past 2 years that I became erronously overcritical of every stage door screaming fan girl (TM). But hey, theres always room for growth here.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 12/3/05 at 11:20pm

Thinking about it, I would rather have them screaming for a truly talented Broadway performer than a Backstreet Boy.