American Horror Story: Freak Show Thoughts? — Page 14

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: [BASIC CABLE]

For the exciting [29th] season, Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk have announced that the groundbreaking one-hour horror-comedy-soap-musical-[INTERACTIVE MOBILE APP] anthology series will take place in the sinister and seductive world of the [BASIC CABLE INDUSTRY]. Reigning divas Jessica Lange and Frances Conroy will star as two [EMMY-NOMINATED ACTRESSES], working as the [LEADING LADIES] of the Black Moon [ANTHOLOGY DRAMA], where impossible and unpredictable things happen often, and love and death are the same thing. Joining her as always will be Evan Peters and Sarah Paulsen, as a pair of [ASPIRING SERIOUS ACTORS] drawn under the spell of Miss Moss, Jessica Lange's mysterious [LEADING LADY].

Ryan Murphy fans will be pleased to see the return of [LEA MICHELE] as a mysterious [FORMER CHILD STAR] who may or may not be [A SOCIOPATH]. Of course, this being American Horror Story, we can count on fey but fearsome antagonist Drew Pearce, played by [AARON TVEIT] to provide bloodshed and butt-shots in equal amounts. Plus, producers Murphy and Falchuk have promised more musical numbers, this year featuring the music of [OINGO BOINGO], plus cameos by [CAROL CHANNING], [GEORGE TAKEI, CLAY AIKEN] and [NAYA RIVERA].

American Horror Story: [BASIC CABLE] premieres [OCTOBER 19th] and concludes [ON JUDGMENT DAY]. Prepare to be [DISILLUSIONED], and prepare to [HATE-WATCH ANYWAY].

"Ryan Murphy fans will be pleased to see the return of [LEA MICHELE] as a mysterious [FORMER CHILD STAR] who may or may not be [A SOCIOPATH]."

I'm pretty sure the cast of RAGTIME would agree that they could have seen that coming 17 years ago.

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: [PLACE WHERE MITT ROMNEY WAS BUILT]

For the exciting [69th] season, Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk have announced that the groundbreaking one-hour horror-comedy-soap-musical-[STOCK FOOTAGE] anthology series will take place in the sinister and seductive world of the [PLACE WHERE MITT ROMNEY WAS BUILT]. Reigning divas Jessica Lange and Frances Conroy will star as two [KOREAN NAIL SALON WORKERS], working as the [HEAD MORMON CYBERNETICS SPECIALISTS] of the Black Moon [PLACE WHERE MITT ROMNEY WAS BUILT], where impossible and unpredictable things happen often, and love and death are the same thing. Joining her as always will be Evan Peters and Sarah Paulsen, as a pair of [WHOLESALE GUINEA PIG SALESPEOPLE] drawn under the spell of Miss Moss, Jessica Lange's mysterious [HEAD MORMON CYBERNETICS SPECIALIST].

Ryan Murphy fans will be pleased to see the return of [JULIA ROBERTS] as a mysterious [MORTICIAN-PROSTITUTE] who may or may not be [BILL COSBY]. Of course, this being American Horror Story, we can count on fey but fearsome antagonist Drew Pearce, played by [ERICH BERGEN] to provide bloodshed and butt-shots in equal amounts. Plus, producers Murphy and Falchuk have promised more musical numbers, this year featuring the music of ["WEIRD AL" YANKOVIC], plus cameos by [HELEN HAYES], [TIM GUNN, TOM CRUISE] and [NAYA RIVERA].

American Horror Story: [PLACE WHERE MITT ROMNEY WAS BUILT] premieres [SUKKOT] and concludes [JULY 17TH, 2047]. Prepare to be [BUILT], and prepare to [ROMNEYED].

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You're not much fun, Hunter (Foster?). Just do a Mad Lib like the rest of us!