I'm not snickering at him, and while I feel some compassion for the struggle inside his head, this is the kind of a-hole whose actions and hypocrisy make it more difficult for the rest of us out here. And at the end of the day, this struggle of his is completely self-created. Sure, I have compassion for him allowing himself to be consumed by a religion that tells him he is "broken" and "imperfect", but this sort of self-flagellation (that gets him closer to Christ!) is just distasteful and unappealing. Like AC, I'd like to hope this guy will find the help he needs, but he's not going to get it from the echo chamber that responds to his blog and he's not going to get it from the brand of Christianity he's bought into and then peddles.
I read some of us blog, but after a while it just all mushes together for me, the same old Christian tropes about "perfection" and "glory" and "grace" and "broken" and all sorts of other fifty cent buzzwords that strive to make you think something really deep is being said, but really are just repackaged nonsense that someone else was parroting before him.
Here's something from his blog.
This has been the anchor of my soul lately: the unchangeableness of God’s goodness toward me in Christ. If that mishmash of word gobbledygook is his anchor, then I can understand why he's lost, because it makes no sense.
Read his "Dear Gay Kid" and see for yourself. Actually, don't. I'll just give you the highlights.
1. Gay sex will never be as good as porn
The sex wasn't as good as I had imagined it to be, or as glorious as pornography made it out to be. And I had sex with quite a few people, so I know. 2. You'll never truly be close to someone else in the "gay world"
Meaningful friendships in the gay world were hard to come by. There was a constant betrayal of friendship everywhere you looked; gossiping, hooking up with a friend’s boyfriend, public humiliation, etc. There was no loyalty that I ever saw. All I saw was superficiality. Romantic relationships were almost inexistent [sic], very very rare. I saw and heard of multiple, long term relationships that were ended suddenly by cheating... and within days both guys were already dating and hooking up with new people. It was a constant moving from one person to the next, one hook up to the next, one high to the next. There was no love in my life, only a desire for more. More sex, more alcohol, more out of control nights. There was no contentment. No stability. No peace. Happiness could be found, sure, but it was always short lived. You’d think you’d found a guy who you could actually see yourself in a relationship with…. and then you or he would completely mess that up within a matter of weeks, usually resulting from hooking up with someone else. I realize you can’t stereotype people, and not all gay people have the same experience I did… some actually live seemingly “moral” lives away from the party/sex/drugs/alcohol scene. But this was my experience, and the admitted experience of many others who are honest enough to admit it. 3. If you can't (by self-denial) be in a relationship with a man, but all means turn Jesus into your boyfriend. He'll wind up pursuing you, even if you don't play hard to get!
So did God make me straight? Nope. He made me ALIVE. I still am attracted to men, but all of the sudden, things became so much bigger than my sexual preferences. I realized that I was actually made by God, hand-made by God, and He wanted me to pursue Him. And then after studying the Bible for a few months, I realized that the only reason I wanted to pursue Him was because He had already hand picked and pursued me before time even began! He pursued me to so great a degree that He became a man and bore the wrath and penalty that I deserved for my sin. God hung on a Cross, for me. He pursued me. 4. Homosexual feelings are to be equated with evil.
God has allowed a lot things to take place since time began that are not good. He has allowed evil. He has allowed sin. He has allowed murder. He has allowed rape. He has allowed homosexual desires….. and although He hates evil, He still uses it for His purposes. 5. ALL sexuality is bad
Your identity shouldn’t be found in your sexuality. All of our sexualities, whether “gay” or “straight”, are broken… and when we trust in Jesus, we aren’t defined by our brokenness anymore. You don’t have to be gay, even if you struggle with same sex desires. Your temptations don’t define you. Jesus defines you…and if you believe in Him, He says you are a holy, blameless, pure and beautiful child of God— no matter what temptations you struggle with. Dear Gay Kid
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