Gay football player kicked off team for kissing 65 y/o boyfriend

Bit of an age difference there.

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He seems quite out of luck because A.) he lied, which is grounds for removal and B.) it seemed, reading from the article, that if there was an issue, it was with the fact that he was kissing a 65-year-old, not the fact that he was kissing a man.

LOL @Namo. Are you channeling my Seth Meyers, there?

I don't know what to say about this. I guess if he lied and lying breaks their honor code or whatever, then there's cause to dismiss him. I also agree that I think people would have a raised eyebrow if it were a woman and she was also 65. Implying that it would be all "good for you"s and high-fives if it was a girl he kissed reversed just doens't cut it for me. Not if that "girl" was 65.

I like to believe in the power of love, but there's still a part of me that can't help but feel troubled at the thought of a 65 year old man with an 18 year old. I'd like to think it's not because of some kind of ageism on my part. I was going to say that I'd still feel uncomfortable if the bf was 45, but I think my squickiness is less about the older guy and more about the younger gay. 18 is still really really young. 18 and gay could be even younger, depending on when the kid came out and/or processed his homosexulaity, etc.

I have no real issue with big age differences. When I was younger I got with older guys on occasion and now that I'm older, I'm faced with the prospect of younger guys coming on to me. I tend to remember Dan Savage's campground analogy for older/younger romances (it's fine, but leave the younger person (the "campground") in as good or better condition than how you found him.)

But with 18 and 65 it just feels like the potential for exploitation is dramatically increased. So I don't really know what to think about any of it.

Updated On: 9/16/12 at 01:54 PM

I also agree that I think people would have a raised eyebrow if it were a woman and she was also 65.

"Espeak por jourself." -- Juan Carlos Hector Humberto, Madonna boyfriend

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I too will agree that the age freaked me out a litte bit too. It's not because it's a gay couple, it's because the guy's boyfriend is 65 years old.

As for him getting kicked off the team, part of me does feel like it is because he is gay. However, given the situation there is no way to prove that fact, and yes, the player did lie, and if the school is citing that as the reason than that is really hard to argue out of.

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Heh. I know my mom doesn't think people over 40 or so should use "boyfriend." I'm not yet 40 (and have no boyfriend) so I really don't need to worry about, but I've never really been keen on the alternatives. "Partner" just sounds strange to me. It makes me think of a business associate. And "lover" doesn't work for me, either. We need to get Namo to channel Madonna's boyfriend again to see what word Madonna uses.

I usually only go for older, but this age difference skeeves even me out.

Sondheim and Jeff Romley have a similar age gap.

...and I say... I'LL DRINK TO THAT! (only I don't drink)

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Updated On: 9/17/12 at 01:35 AM

A great 10-minute-long TV piece at the link, from SB Nation.

There is much, much more to this story than our knee-jerk-negative reactions (including mine) to the 18-to-65 age difference.



For starters, his father committed suicide when Jamie was 6 years old...







Jamie Kuntz, North Dakota Football Player Kicked Off Team for Being Gay, Talks About Life Since Being Outed: VIDEO

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Updated On: 9/17/12 at 11:53 AM

Have you ever seen Sondheim and Romley? It's very much like an elderly father and concerned son.

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There's a WORLD or difference between a fifteen year old and an eighteen year old. Both in terms of legal issues and in terms of development. Knowing that the responsibilities of adulthood are conferred on you when you turn 18 is actually a strong, motivating factor to view yourself as an adult.

And so what if the young man (in Sondheim's case) is a 'gold digger.' There are many, many reasons people get into relationships. We don't know what goes on between two people...what sort of arrangement is worked out so both people get what they need out of the relationship. If it is between two adults (even with a glaring age difference), I simply don't see it as any of our business.

There's a WORLD or difference between a fifteen year old and an eighteen year old. Both in terms of legal issues and in terms of development.

Obviously, there's legal differences. I wasn't referring to that. I can just go by own experience. Looking back at 18, I feel like I was a completely different person than I am now (mentally, developmentally, and emotionally.)

Developmentally, the 18-year-old brain is certainly closer to the 15-year-old brain.

According to recent findings, the human brain does not reach full maturity until at least the mid-20s. (See J. Giedd in References.) The specific changes that follow young adulthood are not yet well studied, but it is known that they involve increased myelination and continued adding and pruning of neurons. As a number of researchers have put it, "the rental car companies have it right." The brain isn't fully mature at 16, when we are allowed to drive, or at 18, when we are allowed to vote, or at 21, when we are allowed to drink, but closer to 25, when we are allowed to rent a car.
http://hrweb.mit.edu/worklife/youngadult/brain.html

As a graduate student in a mental health field, it is commonly taught that the brain doesn't fully develop until the mid-20s.

Updated On: 9/17/12 at 02:12 PM

I wish they'd talked to the boyfriend in the video. Maybe he's not speaking because it's thought he'd be too much of a distraction, but I think the mere fact that he's known to be 47 years older than Jamie makes me a distraction anyway.

It's not about "eew" or ick for me. I still just can't feel that the balance of power is way off when there's a 47 year age difference and the younger partner is 18. And I can't be the only person wondering how long they've been together in the first place.

This is a strange and confusing story and I feel sorry for Jamie and his family.