Jag, I totally noticed I just figured you were far too busy doing that whole "Jag is Awesome" thing. Whatevs. Either way I'm glad you're back

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I knew my idiocy would catch up with me eventually and by god if it didn't scare me half to death!!! Ever since I was little I always ate things, especially things in the back yard. The house I grew up in had a tree in the back yard and the leaves tasted like sweet lemons. Yummy. But jump to 15 years later and unfortunately I'm still pulling the same weirdo crap. I took my dog Jackson outside tonight and while he was doing his business I snapped a piece of this beautiful plant we have near the deck and chewed it. It was so tiny that I hardly even tasted it so I took a MUCH larger piece. In retrospect not the wisest thing but hey I'm an idiot sooo yeah......But the moment I chewed the second piece my mouth felt like it had a thousand glass shards in it and I couldn't talk or swallow. I rinsed, took a Benedryl, and then googled the plant. As it turns out it was a effing Elephant Ear Plant and yes it's poisonous!!!! Apparently everyone on God's green earth knew this except me so I called poison control and they said that if my tongue starts swelling in the middle of the night and I find it hard to breathe I should probably make a "quick" trip to the Emergency Room. WTF?! Ya know what chuckles, instead of going through that hooplah of the ER I was planning on suffocating to death during the night and
hoping to be on the "list" for the Pearly Gates instead of feeding Cerberus doggie snacks at the gates of HADES!!! Stupid mofo. Now if I could just keep crazy sh*t out of my mouth I'd be fine.
Anyhoo, right now my lips are going numb and hopefully my tongue won't swell up and I'll be able to talk properly tomorrow. Just sit me in a corner and put a dunce cap on me!!! Sheesh!!!
"I have the prettiest mother..."--Rhoda Penmark~~~ The Bad Seed