That's the point exactly -- I furthered the problem unintentionally. And I thought my intentions were good -- I never MEANT for things to be taken badly as they were. And I beat myself up for months and months because I had no idea what was wrong, or what I could do. And then it was "fixed" but not really fixed, because she just wanted to shut me up and get me to go away, thinking that things were "okay." I've been backed off because the whole things just exhausted me. I don't know what's expected of me now, so maybe I'll just let it go. I don't think there's anything to be gained here by further beating myself up. She's going to be many hundreds of miles away. Nothing I can say will *matter* because she's going away. Even if we leave on good terms, other than me feeling relieved, what's the use? This one won't come around. It's been almost six months since this all came to light in its very smallest incarnation.
I know I should go, because it would be rude of me not to... I think. But I don't even know if my presence is wanted. I think I'll just go and stay for a bit, then leave. I have work to do, anyway. It's not a total lie. I don't like uncomfortable situations, though they lately consume my life.
I like subliminal messages, nia.
A work of art is an invitation to love.
Updated On: 10/2/05 at 04:46 PM