The One Minute Musical — Page 10

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#226

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/1/05 at 1:39pm

Because it's just so easy to poke fun at:

FOOTLOOSE

Ren: I'm the new guy. I like to dance. A lot.

Girls: OMFG. KEVIN BACON.

Ariel: Let me pretend I'm not completely infatuated.

Guys: New kid. Let's kick his arse, because we can't dance.

Willard: -Sexual gestures-

Shaw: Dancing is evil. There is no dancing allowed here.

Parents: There is no dancing allowed here. You're nothing but trouble.

Kids: There is no dancing allowed here. You're nothing but trouble.

Ariel: That's hot.

Ren: ...But dancing's AWESOME!

Kids: ...Okay!! WE LOVE DANCING!

Shaw: No! Dancing is bad!

Ren: Dancing is GOOD!

Shaw: Dancing is bad! Dancing killed my son!

Ren: Oh. That sucks.

Shaw: -Soliloquy- Okay. I'm over it.

Ren: Dancing's good now?

Shaw: I love dancing!

All: WE LOVE DANCING! YAY!

"Bangarang, Rufio!" --Hook

#227

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/1/05 at 1:56pm

BRAVO, Snaps!!!

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#228

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/1/05 at 1:57pm

Why, thank you. ^^

"Bangarang, Rufio!" --Hook

#229

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/1/05 at 5:41pm

PETER PAN

Peter: Hi, I'm The Boy Who'll NEVER Grow Up! What's MORE, I can Fly!!!

Wendy, Michael & John: COOL, Peter! Now we can fly too!

Peter: That's right! And weren't all those adventures with that nasty Captain Hook super-kean?

Wendy, Michael & John: They sure WERE, Peter! But our parents want us back home NOW, Gosh darn it!

Peter: Ah, that's all right! I'll NEVER Grow Up--So I'll be back in about 30 years or so to harass your children!!!

CURTAIN

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#230

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/1/05 at 9:48pm

THE SECRET GARDEN

Mary: I'm a cranky brat and my parents are dead.
Mrs. Medlock: Okay, you cranky brat whose parents are dead, you're going to come live at this creepy old house. You'll hate it.
Mary: Damn, this house IS creepy. I hear stuff. Weird.
Martha: I take care of you. There's nothing to do in this creepy old house, but if you go outside, there MIGHT be a garden that's all locked up, and there MIGHT be a key to it that you could find. But I'm not going to tell you directly because that would make my song much less interesting.
Archibald: Dead wife, I miss you...
Dickon: I'm charming and I'm 12.
Mary: Yippie! Let's find a garden that may or may not exist.
Dickon: Let's talk to this bird and figure out where the key is.
Mary: Talking to animals... weird... then again, this IS a musical.
Neville: I'm Archibald's brother and I loved his dead wife, even though that wasn't in the book, it's an excuse for a duet with my crochety brother. Lily's eeeeeyes... oh, look, I'm hitting high notes!!
Archibald: Hello, spoiled and ill son who I sneak in to see at night.
Colin: I'm a brat and I'm going to die.
Dickon: Remember me? I'm charming! Look, we found the garden and it's not all dead!
Lily: I'm a ghost, lalalalala...
Archibald: How could you leave me?
Lily: Sorry. Sucks, huh?
CAST: Oh, look, we're all in the garden and we're HAPPY and HEALTHY!

Avatar - Isaac, my blue-fronted Amazon parrot. Adopted 9/7/07. Age 30 (my pet is older than me!)

#231

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/1/05 at 9:50pm

LOVE IT, CM!!!

***APPLAUDS***

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#232

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/1/05 at 10:03pm

Okay, I'm going to do my take on my guilty pleasure musical, "Mamma Mia" (if anyone from the touring cast reads this and knows me, I love you all!!)

Sophie: I'm getting married. I have three dads. What to do. I know, I'll invite them to my wedding and freak out my slutty mom!!
Donna: I can't believe those three guys I boinked in the 70s are here at my funky little tavern. But why?
Sophie: I wanna know, what's the name of the game?
Donna: I'm depressed. I need to sing Dancing Queen.
Sophie: I wanna know, whose my daddy?
Donna: Sorry, sweetie, we're on an island, and not able to do DNA testing.
Sophie: Oh well, I love them all, and I don't wanna get married.
Donna: That's okay. I'll marry the one I *think* is your dad and it'll be fun. Now for the big finale where we wear spandex and big boots!!

#233

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/1/05 at 10:08pm

"Mamma Mia" was "Suprema"!!!

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#234

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/1/05 at 10:13pm

1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE

The President: Hi, I'm John Adams.

No, wait a minute--I'm Thomas Jefferson.

Shucks!!! Now I'm James Monroe!

NO, I'm still James--but now I'm James BUCHANNAN!!!

Hold the phone--I'm Andrew Johnson.

So now why am I Teddy Roosevelt?

***shrugs***

CURTAIN

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#235

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 8:40am

BELLS ARE RINGING

Ella: Hi, I'm an Operator at a Telephone Answering Service--BUT the job really BORES me--so use different fake names for all my callers!

Jeff: Mom--I really need your help! I CAN'T get started on my new play!!!

Ella: No problem, Mr. Moss--I'll be RIGHT over--only call me Melisande!

Jeff: This IS great!!! I've finished my play and its going to be Produced!!! Melisande--you really HELPED me--and it turns out that you're actualy ELLA--that Telephone Operator I fell in love with over the phone!

Ella: All in a day's work, Jeff!

Jeff: And it was just in time!!!

CURTAIN

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#236

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 10:46am

ON A CLEAR DAY YOU CAN SEE FOREVER

Daisy: Dr., I need to quit smoking! Can you hypnotize me to make me stop?

Dr. Bruckner: Of course I can, Daisy!

Daisy: But I'm NOT Daisy--I'm... Melinda!!!

Dr. Bruckner: And I LOVE You, Melinda--especialy that crazy pseudo-British Accent!!!

Daisy: But I'm NOT Melinda--I'm Daisy!!! Oh, what did I HAVE I DON'T HAVE now!!!

Dr. Bruckner: Who CARES, Daisy! I'm in love with a woman who died 200 years ago! And you think YOU have problems?

CURTAIN

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#237

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 6:05pm

GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES

Lorelei: Here I Am, a free-living 1920s Gold-digger, loose in Paris!

Dorothy: And check out that Olympic Swim Team!

Lorelei: Oh, I have my eye on that Sir Francis Beekman--AND his wife's Tiara!!! After ALL, Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend!

Dorothy: But I Love What I'm Doin' When I'm Doin' It For LOVE!

Lorelei: Well, I have the Tiara--AND Sir Francis gave me the money to pay for it himself!!!

Gus: Lorelei!!! What have YOU been up to? WHERE did you get that Tiara from???

Lorelei: Ummm, well--SAY, Daddy--let's get married! Because as YOU know, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes!!!

CURTAIN

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#238

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 6:10pm

PACIFIC OVERTURES

Japanesse people sing

BD WONG: G'day mate! We plant rice, bow at people and paint screens! let's sing!

they do

america comes, people are nervous. Whores are happy. PEople are scared, they might land.

BD WONG: I'm so happy! Let's sing!

they do

americans come, they leave! YAY! they come back. along with others. they are pains in the ass's. They sing. We all sing. Bowler Hats etc... Finally Japan is opened up.

CURTAIN

oh yeah, there's someone in a tree. i think

"Picture "The View," with the wisecracking, sympathetic sweethearts of that ABC television show replaced by a panel of embittered, suffering or enraged Arab women" -the Times review of Black Eyed

Updated On: 5/2/05 at 06:10 PM

#239

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 6:48pm

You bring NEW Meaning to the phrase "Sondheim Appreciation", CQ!

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#240

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 6:53pm

SEUSSICAL THE MUSICAL

THE CAT: This story bring Seussian tales up to the times,
Chock full of morals and filled up with rhymes.
So sit still, 'cause how can our show be a bore--
With elephants singing and small kids at war?

JOJO: I'm so misunderstood. When I hit puberty, I'm going to be such an emo teenager.

JOJO'S PARENTS: Whatever you do, don't think for yourself, or you're grounded.

THE CAT: It's okay, Jojo-- We know how you feel,
Dreaming up things that really aren't real.
I think what you need is an elephant friend
Who finds you and drops you again and again.

HORTON: They all think I'm crazy, but I'm not. Much like Jojo, I'm a misunderstood visionary, which is why our theatre-going crowd can so easily identify with me. There's a very palpable reason for why I'm hearing voices that I can't see.

SOUR KANGAROO: I really don't like Horton.

WICKERSHAMS: Let's make his life miserable for no apparent reason!

EVERYONE IN THE JUNGLE: Yeah!

THE CAT: And so more things happened in our little Who-bubble.
Jojo kept thinking and getting in trouble.
Horton was captured and sold as a clown.
And his elephant smile is now just a frown.

HORTON: It's all my fault. I lost the Whos. Again! They're going to be eaten or crushed or drowned or set on fire or dropped or fried! I just have to save them, because after all--

PRO-LIFE ACTIVISTS: A person's a person no matter how small!

THE CAT: Excuse me, dear friends, but I think you should know--
You're nasty, and you don't belong in our show.
But we'll leave your kind in, oh yes. 'Cause what's more--
It's people like you who started our war!

GEN. SCHMITZ: I LOVE WAR!

JOJO: I want to go home.

HUNCHES: Weeeeee'reeeee creeeeeepy.... But just follow this path, and you'll be home before supper.

JOJO'S PARENTS: Jojo! Our son! You've come home, and now we appreciate you and your loony thoughts!

JOJO: Score.

SOUR KANGAROO & WICKERSHAMS: We still hate Horton. Let's destroy everything that means anything to him, starting with the Who planet.

HORTON: NO!

EVERYONE ELSE: YES!

HORTON: NO!

EVERYONE ELSE: YES!

JOJO: YOPP!!

ALL: -Gasp!-

SOUR KANGAROO: Well, damn.

THE CAT: And that's it, dear audience. Our story's now through.
It's really been jolly performing for you.
I hope you remember what you've learned tonight:
Always watch out for the conservative right.

That took some thinking. xD

"Bangarang, Rufio!" --Hook

#241

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 6:56pm

Do they realy say 'Damn' in SEUSICAL, Snaps?

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#242

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 6:58pm

I don't believe so, no. I don't think they say 'puberty,' either.

"Bangarang, Rufio!" --Hook

#243

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 7:00pm

Perhaps because NONE of the cast has been through Puberty...

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#244

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 7:01pm

This is very true. Very true.

Edit: Ugh. No. I forgot the love story.

"Bangarang, Rufio!" --Hook

Updated On: 5/2/05 at 07:01 PM

#245

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 7:11pm

Hey guys im gonna do another ANything Goes one...even though someone already did it but some of u repeated anyway and i came up with an idea! so here enjoy!
Anything Goes:

Reno:- :to the cast: hey we’re all in with the wrong people lets do the Christian thing and get with the ones that we really love, but first Billie Moonface and I have to pretend to be Chinese!

*they all do so*

All – *some tapping and trenches* Anything Goes!

* Blackout*

"If There's One Thing to Learn it's You Just Can't Go Wrong If You Follow Your Heart, and End With A Song"

Updated On: 5/2/05 at 07:11 PM

#246

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 7:13pm

NO, NO, NANETTE

Nanette: I miss Tom--so I'm going to Atlantic City!

Jimmy: Well, I have three gold-diggers chasing after me! So I'M going to Atlantic City!

Billy: Hey, Lucille--let's not miss out on all the fun! EVERYBODY ELSE is going to Atlantic City! Let's ALL go to Atlantic City as well!!!

Cast: OK. We're ALL in Atlantic City. NOW what do we do?

Sue: I can tapdance!

Nanette: I can dance that cute little "Tea for Two" number with Tom!

Lucille: And I'll sing a Blues Number!

Pauline: MAN, what a bunch of idiots!!!

CURTAIN

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#247

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 7:27pm

Les Miserables

Javert

to Valjean) Your time is up. Go find yourself a job and take this ticket of leave too.

TIME PASSES,FANTINE DIES, VALJEAN CONFESSES HE IS A CONVICT ON THE RUN

Javert and Valjean: I swear to you..I will be there!

JAVERT GETS BEAT UP ANYWAY, AND VALJEAN RUNS OFF TO FIND LITTLE COSETTE

M.Thenardier: Go fetch me some water, you slimy dog!

TIME PASSES AGAIN, COSETTE BECOMES VALJEAN'S DAUGHTER, AND WE GO TO PARIS 9 YEARS LATER. GAVROCHE DOES HIS THING, EPONINE DOES HER ENTRANCE, AND WE GO TO THE ABC CAFE

Enjorlas: Red..the blood of angry men..Black..the dark of ages past..

YET AGAIN, TIME PASSES. LAMARQUE IS DEAD, THE STUDENTS CELEBRATE. COSETTE, MARIUS, AND EPONINE SING A CUTE LITTLE SONG, AND THENARDIER ALMOST JACKS VALJEAN'S HOUSE. EVERYONE SINGS ABOUT TOMORROW. THERE IS A BIG BATTLE, EPONINE DIES, EVERYONE ELSE DOES TOO, INCLUDING JAVERT, WHO FINALLY GIVES UP ON VALJEAN AND GOES TO HELL. MARIUS GRIEVES, BUT EVENTUALLY SUCKS IT UP AND MARRIES COSETTE. VALJEAN DIES, ACCOMPNIED BY ALL THE GHOSTS FROM THE BARRICADE.

THE END (Sorry for the spelling)

What the puck?!

#248

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 7:29pm

LOL These are funny... I have another RENT one... I read this somewhere on FFN before:

A bunch of bohemians: We've got problems! Crazy problems!

END

Less is more
Ugly is beautiful
"My brother plays a drag queen... and I'm surprised he looks as good as he does in drag." - Adam Rapp

"thanks, abba. now i'll forever have an image of you as a tattoed hardcore straightedge grrl savaging people in the mosh pit." - papalovesmambo

"Yeah Abba. All the filthy crap you spew out there on those boards. I for one, am equally shocked. :-P" - AnnaK

#249

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 7:30pm

I think Le Miz is THE Most Popular Subject for a One Minute Musical...

"I say YOU'RE the CUTEST one. No, I say YOU'RE the CUTEST One. And we go on like that from dawn to three."

#250

re: The One Minute Musical

Posted: 5/2/05 at 7:53pm

Something about Les Miz begs for a parody.

"Bangarang, Rufio!" --Hook

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