The One Minute Musical- Page 8
The One Minute Musical
Broadway Legend Joined: 12/3/04
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#176
Posted: 2/2/05 at 9:29pmA one minute bump.
re: The One Minute Musical#177
Posted: 2/4/05 at 2:49am
RAGTIME -
Little Boy - a change is coming, warn the duke!
Emma Goldman - we MUST bring on the change!
Houdini and Evelyn Nesbit - Quick, we'll provide distraction while the change happens. You'll disappear and I'll be the cause for the crime of the century.
Emma - it's only 1906, crazy biatch. 94 years to go!
Younger Brother - I love that crazy biatch! Wow! She kissed me, I'm a changed man. Sudden urge to change others! What cause should I fight for?
Grandfather - here's my list, I'm thoroughly irrited by everything.
Coalhouse - oh crap, she's pregnant. Too much change for me, I'm out of here!
Sarah - You're too much like your daddy, I must bury you.
Mother - wait! Don't do that dear little Negro lady. Golly, what to do? Where is Father? I can't make a decision on my own.
Police - Make a choice, woman.
Mother - Ok, Sarah and her son can stay with us.
Coalhouse - I was an ass, must find Sarah. Yeah, I found her!
Little Boy - and her little Negro child lives in our attick.
Sarah - marry me, Coalhouse.
Coalhouse - Sorry, I'm bailing on you again because some waspy asses ruined my car
Henry Ford - Doesn't he know my factory can make him another one?
JP Morgan - only cream of the crop like me can afford to buy them.
Emma Goldman - Asses! Let me at them! Can't stand men like them. I'm going to stage a protest.
Tateh - She's fighting for us poor immigrants while I make little sillouettes to keep my daughter from crying.
Little Girl - sell it.
Tateh - No, you are nuts to think I'd sell...
American - I'll buy it!
Tateh - oh little one, your father is a smart man to sell these! Tomorrow I'll make more and sell them for twice the amount!
Little Boy - why is that girl wearing a leash?
Mother - don't stare
Little Boy - but I have to look, she's going to be my step sister.
Mother - silly boy, who put such thoughts in your head?
Houdini - tah dah!
Little Boy - warn the duke, already!
Younger Brother - Bring on the protest, Emma! FINALLY, a cause I can fight for! And I know how to blow things up!
Emma - you masterbate to a vaudville whore, you may want to be more specific.
Younger Brother - fireworks, I know about fireworks!
Coalhouse - I don't know how this got so out of hand, it was just a car. I'm not good with words. Must have JUSTICE
Sarah - I'll speak for you if you promise to marry me.
(she speaks, she dies)
Father - I'm back from exploring after not being in most of the first ACT 1. Ummm, why is a Negro baby living with us?
Mother - these are changing times, dear.
Father - I don't want changes. I'm happy being a privledged WASP. Let me distract my son by taking my son to a baseball game.
Mother - it's still changing.
Father - Then let's escape to Altantic City.
Tateh - Look at me now, I'm making movies and doing well.
Little Girl - and I still have no name, but I'm dressing better.
Little Boy - hey she's looking better.
Mother - yeah, and his dad's not so bad either.
Tateh and Mother - it's nice our Children get along. Say isn't your husband away again, this time getting killed in a war?
Coalhouse - Now it's more than my car, they killed my Sarah.
Younger Brother - YO! Still here dude. Does someone want my help blowing things up or what?
Coalhouse - I know, let's hide out in JP Morgan's library, that will really piss him off.
Emma - nice!
Coalhouse - oh, maybe not such a good idea afterall, we're surrounded. If I should die LET THEM HEAR YOU! Things need to change!! (he dies)
Tateh - How about a Jew like me marrying this Christian widow? Is that enough change for you?
Mother - to really make our point, adopt this Negro boy as your son and we'll call it a day.
Tateh- Hmmm, our gang would make a great story!
Updated On: 2/4/05 at 02:49 AM
re: The One Minute Musical#178
Posted: 2/4/05 at 3:38amBUMP - this is honestly as short as I could manage making Ragtime. I would love someone to take a stab at Ruthless!
Broadway Legend Joined: 1/4/05
re: The One Minute Musical#180
Posted: 2/4/05 at 6:56pm
Hairspray
Tracy:I'm fat...it sucks
black members of show: we're black...we have no rights
tracy: shall we dance our way into getting rights?
black members: we shall! Now it's time for everyone to praise our show because we have such a high energy finale!
re: The One Minute Musical#181
Posted: 2/4/05 at 6:57pm
what hasn't been done?
how about YAGMCB
Good grief! I am cb and life is great oh wait no it's not. Here's lucy who is a spoiled brat. Her smart brother linus is in the show too- his blanket is missing yikes! Oh snoopy wants supper, sally needs a new phillosophy and schroeder's obsession has now reached a new crazed level.
curtain
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/4/03
re: The One Minute Musical#182
Posted: 2/4/05 at 6:59pmhaha those are cute guys!
re: The One Minute Musical#183
Posted: 2/4/05 at 7:16pm
"The Lion King:"
RAFIKI: I'm Rafiki, a male babboon oddly played by a woman. I'm going to spend the next 2 1/2 hours hopping around and talking in a lame Jamaican accent. Now sit back and enjoy this first number, because it's the only good one in the show!
THE COMPANY PERFORMS "CIRCLE OF LIFE" AND RUN AROUND WITH JULIE TAYMOR'S EXCELLENT PUPPETS AND COSTUMES. THE NIGHT GOES STEADILY DOWNHILL FROM HERE.
SCAR: I hate my brother! Methinks I shall kill him! My evil yet incompetent hyenas, get him! But first, we shall breakdance!
ALL BREAKDANCE
YOUNG SIMBA: Hey uncle Scar, whatcha doin'?
SCAR: Nothing, kid. Now stand here and watch me kill your father.
SCAR KNOCKS MUFASA OFF A CLIFF AND WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE CONCERNED, DESPITE THE FACT THAT WE CAN SEE MUFASA'S SAFETY WIRES
MUFASA: Aren't I supposed to FALL off this cliff? I seem to be sort of floating gently...
SCAR: Just shut up and die!
SIMBA: My daddy's dead! Uncle Scar, whaat should I do?
SCAR: You should run away, because *I* had nothing to do with your father's murder that I carefully planned out!
SIMBA: Okay.
HE MEETS TIMON AND PUMBAA
TIMON: Hi, kid! We're your obnoxious sidekicks!
SIMBA GROWS UP BEFORE OUR EYES
SIMBA: Wow, that was convenient!
YEARS LATER, SIMBA AND NALA MEET IN THE JUNGLE
SIMBA: I've always loved you.
NALA: I love you too, but why are there interpretive dancers hanging from the flies?
SIMBA: To impress the tourists.
BOTH: Ba-ZING!!
SIMBA: Father, what should I do?
MUFASA: If you build it, they will come...
SIMBA: What?
MUFASA: Sorry, that's a *different* James Earl Jones movie. Anyway, you need to get your cute dancer's ass back home.
SIMBA AND SCAR SQUARE OFF
SCAR: I killed your father.
SIMBA: You bastard!! But I won't kill you. Instead, I'll let your disgruntled hyenas have you for lunch!
HYENAS EAT SCAR OFF-STAGE
COMPANY REPRISES "CIRCLE OF LIFE". AUDIENCE MEMBERS FEEL SCREWED OUT OF $100
re: The One Minute Musical#184
Posted: 2/5/05 at 10:16pm
these are soooo fun!
beauty and the beast
beast-i'm a selfish bastard.
belle-i'm odd.
maurice-i'll sing the worst song of the show with my daughter.
lefou-i'll just fall around a lot to make the kids laugh.
lumiere-i'm horny and french and all i can think about is getting my candlesticks on that hot french featherduster's @ss.
chip-i'm a creepy boy without a body until act 2.
belle-let my father go. i'll become your sex slave.
beast-sounds cool.
lots of unmemorable stuff happens.
cast-we're human again.
beast-i have greasy hair because i was a beast and haven't showered in two years, but kiss me.
belle-okay.
the end.
re: The One Minute Musical#185
Posted: 2/5/05 at 11:26pm
THE LIFE:
Hookers: check us out! ten bucks bitches!
young black woman hooker: ooooh daddy! tha life! i wansta get outta here!
young pimp: bitch, you whine a lot, i spent all ur whore money on heroin!
old black hooker: i been having sex fo' a long time! whoa! i don't have an STD yet!
*people shoot each other and some guy named after a Tennessee town comes in and busts some caps*
old hooker: i have a f-ed up life, you guy young black hooker, even though everyone else is dead.
young black hooker: my friend!
*she leaves*
old hooker: i shot someone (the audience knows better *wink wink*
CURTAIN
re: The One Minute Musical#186
Posted: 2/5/05 at 11:38pmGovSlaton- your Caroline or Change is the FUNNIEST THING EVER!
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/14/04
re: The One Minute Musical#188
Posted: 2/6/05 at 4:02am
A STAR IS BORN
Ester: (sings)
Norman: Whoa, you're good. Let me make you a star
He does.
Norman: Damn I hate you now. You are ever so popular and my career is over. I think I'll kill myself.
He does.
THE END
re: The One Minute Musical#189
Posted: 2/6/05 at 4:11am
Oh oh this is fun! Let me try again.
BABES IN ARMS/BABES ON BROADWAY/STRIKE UP THE BAND/GIRL CRAZY
Mickey: We have to put on a show to save the town/community/colledge/high school.
Judy: Ok, I've just rounded up about 100 talented kids to help.
Mickey: That's great!
Judy: Do you love me now Mickey?
Mickey: Not ready, you're kinda plain looking.
Judy: Oh...(sings)
Mickey: Whoa! Now you're pretty groovy.
Judy: Yay! And look we made it from our backyard to broadway!
Audience: YEAH!
THE END
re: The One Minute Musical#191
Posted: 2/6/05 at 6:37pm
Les Miz:
People: Our lives suck we're french
Fantine: AHHHHHH (dies)
Cosette: Mom! I'm a french cinderella....
People: Our lives suck but we're going to die for JUSTICE
Time Passes....people spin
Flag Waves
The End
Oliver:
Oliver: I'm an orphan
Orphans: us, too. but at least you have some hope...you get to magically reunite with your mother's family and live happily ever after with rich people
Fagin: pick a pocket or two
Bill Sykes: arghh
Nancy: Arghh (dies)
Oliver: where is love?
Bill: hangs. The end
p.s. This is my all time favorite post ever!
re: The One Minute Musical#192
Posted: 2/6/05 at 6:46pm
Someone needs to do singing in the rain
re: The One Minute Musical#194
Posted: 3/29/05 at 2:21ami'll second that bump...although i'm not feeling up to doing one now.
re: The One Minute Musical#195
Posted: 3/29/05 at 3:25am
THE BOYFRIEND
Polly: *sighs* I don't have a boyfriend. I should. I know! I'll FAKE IT!
JOINS OTHERS
Polly: I have a secret boyfriend read his letter omg!!!11!
Girls: I want to be just like you with a hAWtt s3x0rz boyfriend. We've got to have them. It's so dreary without them. emoangstyemoteartear.
ENTER TONY
Tony: Hi Polly. you're hot. I'm poor.
Polly: Perfect! Now you can be the boyfriend that didn't exist before! I'm poor too! It's a match made in heaven!
ENTER PERCY
Polly: Oh Daddy! I'm so happy!
Percy: Oh yes dear I'm here to visit you because I love you.
ALL START TO DANCE in ridiculous costumes
Tony: Oh Polly I'm actually filthy rich
Polly: How convenient--so am I!
Tony: Let's go procreate!
Joined: 12/31/69
re: The One Minute Musical#196
Posted: 3/30/05 at 4:05pm
Christmas Carol
(Shutters at upstage center, a small boy enters the stage. The Shutters open, Scrooge, a man of 50 or 60 is in his pajamas)
Scrooge: You there Boy- What Day is it?
Boy: Why its Christmas Day!
(Scrooge leaves his window, and returns with a gun and shoots the boy- he dies. Scrooge closes the sutters.)
BLACKOUT.
re: The One Minute Musical#198
Posted: 3/30/05 at 7:50pm
dame edan back with a vengence-
come see the lovelly me talk about myself constantlly for two hours!!!
curtain
you will die of laughter though!
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/6/04
re: The One Minute Musical#199
Posted: 4/3/05 at 4:18pm
SINGIN' IN THE RAIN
Don: Hey, I'm a BIG STAR in Silent Movies!
R.F.: Wait a MINUTE, Don! Movies TALK now!!!
Lina: Well, of curse they tawk. Don't iv'rbdy?
EVERYONE: Oh, NO!
Cosmo: Wait a minute, Don! You know that girl who likes to pop out of cakes and sing? Let's get to her to talk and sing for Lina while Lina mouths the words on the screen!
Don: Sounds great! But it's raining right now, so I'm suppossed to go out and sing in it!
R.F.: SAY, this film is a BIG HIT!
Lina: Yer right, R.F. And that l'l gurl can just keep on singin' fer me ferevur!
Don: NO WAY, Lina! We're gonna expose you for the NON-triple threat (CAN'T act/sing/dance) you really are!
Cosmo: GOOD Work, Don!
Don: Yeah. But its STOPPED raining--so I can't sing anymore!!! Oh well, let's just cut to a shot of me and that girl from the cake on a billboard!
THE END
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