The One Minute Musical — Page 6

Guys and Dolls

Nicely-Nicely Johnson: Hey, Nathan, why haven't you found a place for the game?

Nathan Detroit: Because I haven't. So sue me.

Sarah Brown and the Mission band enter

Sarah Brown: Sinners, will you repent?

Nathan: No. So sue me.

Sarah and the Band exit. Sky Masterson enters

Sky Masterson: Nathan, you old promoter you.

Nathan: So what if I am, sue me.

Sky : For random fun, i bet I can take any doll you say to Havana.

Sarah walks on. Nathan points to her.

Sky: Her?

Nathan: Yeah, her. So sue me.

Sky: Excuse me Miss, wanna go to Havana.

Sarah: No. I hate your kind.

Sky: I'm rich and handsome. And I'll find you some sinners.

Sarah: Oh, okay.

They go to Havana. Sarah gets drunk.

Adelaide: Nathan, we've been engaged for 14 years and haven't been married.

Nathan: So sue me, baby.

Sky (To Gamblers): I'm gonna roll you all for your souls.

Gambler #1: That's kind of a random proposal.

Sky wins the roll

They go to the Prayer Meeting
Nicely sings the show-stopping 'Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat'

The brilliance of the show is then slightly decreased by the anticlimatic ending

Nathan: Yeah, so sue me.

Curtain

---

Updated On: 1/8/05 at 05:38 PM

STARLIGHT EXPRESS

Control: This is control! This is control! Tonight is the most important night in the history of the world!

(knock on door)

Mother: Put those trains away and get into bed!
Starlight Express, Starlight Express
are you real? Yes? Or No?
Starlight Express. Starlight Express...

Control: Wow! I think I'm dreaming now!

Rusty: Hi. My name's Rusty. I'm a train and I'm in love with a girl train named Pearl.

Electra: Hi. I'm Electra and I share my name with one of the cats in CATS.

POPPA: Hi. I'm Poppa and I'm kinda like Old Deuteronomy.

Diana: I'm Diana and I'm U.N.C.O.U.P.L.E.D. you B.A.S.T.A.R.D.!

Rusty: Oh, No! I have to win the race to impress Pearl!

(STARLIGHT EXPRESS ENTERS)

Rusty: STARLIGHT EXPRESS!!!

Starlight Express: Hello. I'm Starlight Express. Only you have the power within you! Just say it! "I AM THE STARLIGHT!"

Rusty: I AM THE STARLIGHT! OMG now anything is possible!

(he wins the race.)

Pearl: Oh, Rusty, I LOVE YOU!

Rusty; I LOVE YOU TOO!!!

Pappa: Hey, there's a light at the end of the tunnel! Lets all skate around a little more!

ALL: YAY!

(Control wakes up)

Control: What the hell am I on???

CURTAIN

Updated On: 1/8/05 at 05:48 PM

Mary_Ethel nice one!

---

Updated On: 1/9/05 at 06:26 PM

1776


John Adams: These colonies ought to be INDEPENDENT! NOW!!!

Continental Congress: Sit down, John!

John Adams: I'm obnoxious and disliked--so I'll never put this Independence thing over! Wait, I'll get that egocentric nitwit Richard Henry Lee to make a motion for Independence!

Richard Henry Lee: At your service, Johnny!

John Adams: Now we need someone to write it--what about that REALLY tall guy who never says anything?

Thomas Jefferson: C'mon, Adams, my wife just got in town today--she and I haven't had a good lay in three months!

Ben Franklin: Oh, I can help with THAT!

Thomas Jefferson: Okay--I wrote your freakin' declaration. The Continental Congress butchered the thing like a prime cut of beef--but they HAVE signed it! NOW, I'm going down on my wife like you wouldn't believe!!!


CURTAIN

---

Okay, CATSNYrevival. I'm not one of those Idina freaks, but come on. I know that was probably supposed to be a joke, but that was absolutely uncalled for. Really, really disrespectful.

Updated On: 1/9/05 at 04:11 AM

Pacific Overtures

Reciter: NIPPON! The floating kingdom. An island empire that for centuries has lived in perfect peace, undisturbed by intruders from across the sea. We have no troubles here. Here life is beautiful. The girls are beautiful. Even the orchestra is beautiful...

Kayama: I must stop the invasion of the barbarians.

Tamate: There is no other way.

Fisherman/Thief: Oh sh!t! Americans! They've come to bring Democracy...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Shogun: *grunt*

Shogun's mother: Have some tea, my lord. Some poisoned tea, my lord.

(Shogun dies)

Kayama/Manjiro: Why don't we put some mats on the ground where the Americans stand in the Treaty House? That way they never touch holy japanese soil.

Madam: I own a brothel. These are my prostitutes.

Men dressed as women: Hi!

Madam: Isn't Japan weird? Let's go get some American CocK...tails!

Reciter: We don't know what happened at the Treaty House...

Old Man: I was there.

Young Man: And thanks to time travel techniques, I AM there.

Warrior: So am I.

Commodore Perry: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!

American Admiral: Hello!
British Admiral: Hello!
A Bunch of other Admirals: Hello!

Kayama: I'm going to sing a song about a hat, and by the end of the song I am going to be much older, and I will fully support Western Civilisation.

Manjiro: I don't like America.

Sailors: Look! A Geisha. Let's go sing a really pretty song that audiences will love, but they're going to be really disturbed because what we're really saying is that we're horny and want to have sex.

Man dressed as woman: Oh no! Father!

Father: What are you doing? I must kill you!

Sailors: But we sang a really pretty song!

(Father kills one of the sailors. Others run away)

Kayama: I really like America

Manjiro: For that you will die.

(Kayama dies)

Emperor: I know I haven't had much to say, but I've decided I like America, so the events of this play have been for nothing.

Audience: *groan*

Reciter: SO! Where are your troubles now? Forgotten?! I told you. Here life is beautiful. The girls are beautiful. Even the orchestra is beautiful. It is now 1976 and Japan is rich.
Welcome to Japan.

(Audience starts crying because the Reciter is so sad when he says these last lines)

CURTAIN

Updated On: 1/10/05 at 11:18 PM

Ah, but they also keep getting better!

---

Really? I would have thought more like five. Read it aloud to yourself...see how long it takes.

---

The Fantastiks:

El Gallo: Try to remember!

Louisa: I'm sixteen, and naive, and more than a little strange. Matt, you're pretty!

Matt: I'm just slightly older, and her neighbour, and have a strange fascination with the insides of leaves. Louisa, you're pretty!

Fathers: Kids, don't marry each other! *wink, wink*

El Gallo: Ha ha, SPAIN! *kidnaps Louisa*

Matt: Not so fast!

*swordfight, El Gallo lets Matt win*

Matt: Whee! I love you, Louisa!

Louisa: I love you too, Matt!

Fathers: YES!


Intermission


Louisa: Matt, you bore me.

Matt: Oh, really? Well, to get you back, I'm going to go get ridiculously hurt!

El Gallo: You called? *beats Matt silly*

Louisa: Hmm...I wish a mysterious stranger would--

El Gallo: You called? *hands Louisa a mask*

Fathers: Well, this wasn't what we intended at all.

Matt: *limps in* Louisa, they were you!

Louisa: *dances in* Matt, they were you!

Fathers: Okay, that's better.

El Gallo: Try to remember!

Curtain.

---

Thank you! I've been listening to the musical all day for some reason...my parents actually sang "They Were You" at their wedding.

---