The houseguest that FINALLY FREAKIN' LEFT! WOOOT!

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 3:11pm

We have a houseguest that won't leave. She is an old au pair of the folks that I live with. She called almost two weeks ago and asked the mom if she could stay one night because she had a job interview near us. (She is from Georgia, the country, not the state.) Her Visa is only valid for three more months. She got a short term visa to work for the summer. When she showed up, she had a black eye and for some reason her cell phone, that she used to call us the week before, was broken. She told us that there had been a fight in a bar and someone had accidentally hit her. We didn't really ask any more questions.

The interview, which was supposed to be on Wed., never happened because she never got the call for it. So, she just stayed. The mom didn't know how to tell her to leave, the dad is out of town and it is not my place. She has been on three interviews, that we have had to drive her to, and found something wrong with each live-in position.

So, she is living in the extra bedroom, sitting on the computer all day, talking on the house phone non-stop, and sharing MY bathroom because the extra bedroom is on MY side of the house. (I basically live in a mother-in-law type attached apartment but we all share the big kitchen and the spare room is closer to me. I am basically the au pair now, but I have a full time job outside of the home as well.) She is also helping herself to the food. We keep all the food together and don't label things, so she is eating my stuff and drinking my sodas, too. We all take turns cooking or ordering dinner, but we feel like we can't leave her out, so she is at every meal. She doesn't even bother to remove her plate from the table. I took the son to dinner last week and asked her if she wanted to come. She did. We got there and she said she only had $8. I felt bad, so I offered to buy her dinner. We got home and she plopped her wallet on the counter and there was a $50 bill hanging out. I didn't mind buying her meal, but at least be honest with me.

The mom's father came for a visit and the houseguest moved down to the basement. So, the dad came home and was happy to see her at first, but then it got to him, too. He told her that she had to go. So, she said she was leaving yesterday. Her brother, also here on a visa, came and picked her up last night while we were out having dinner. She left no note or anything. We assumed she was gone. Today the dad is working, the mom and kid took her dad back to LI and I am here alone. Or not. I just went to the kitchen and she popped out of the basement door. She scared the CRAP out of me. Without a word to me, she proceeded to make herself a sandwich and a cup of coffee.

She has no money, no car, no job and nowhere to go. What the hell do we do now? We don't want the poor girl to be homeless in a foreign country, but she is just here. It will be two weeks on Tuesday. Yes, it bothers me that she is here and using my stuff and eating my food, but it bothers me more that I feel like she is taking advantage of these wonderful people that she knows will go out of their way to help anyone. I am sure there is more to her story than she is letting on, but it is just on my LAST nerve.

Thank you for letting me unload that. Perhaps this should be in the banal thread, but it's just too damn long!

Updated On: 11/6/08 at 03:11 PM

[munkustrap178]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 3:16pm

I would be honest with her.

Say, "You know what, we are willing to help you but you have to pull your weight. Do your dishes, clear your plates, buy your food. We are not here to support you, just to offer you housing - and I think we have been more than generous with both our patience and our house. I have no intention of kicking you out, but I suggest you start pulling your weight before I reconsider that."

Posted: 9/17/06 at 3:22pm

giver her another black eye to match the first one

[erikaamato]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 3:22pm

That's a very uncomfortable situation. Have you called the family to let them know she popped up out of the basement today???

I'd call them right away and let them handle it, since it's their house. Seriously. Call the dad at work or the mom on her cell. This is not normal. She was asked to leave, and she didn't. She is now trespassing and, if you want to be picky about it, she's actually breaking the law now.

And if her brother is here in the US, why doesn't she go sponge off of him??????? Updated On: 9/17/06 at 03:22 PM

Posted: 9/17/06 at 3:26pm

i was just joking above.

its a tough situation; ive been in all three places; yours, the familys & the unwanted guest with nowhere to go.

honestly, first thing is to make sure any of your belongings are safe & secure. can you lock your door?

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 3:32pm

I think he is in a live-in situation as well. But the puzzling thing is, he is supposedly working in upstate NY. I am at the Jersey Shore. He came all this way to go to AC last night, picked her up and then dropped her back off. I am sure we will figure it out tonight.

Did I mention she is a HEAVY smoker? (Can't afford dinner but can afford $7 a pack for smokes.) She doesn't smoke in the house, but she brings the butts in and puts them in the trash. I HATE that stale cigarette smell. YUCK. And for some reason, my bathroom started smelling like that. Why would there be butts in the upstairs bathroom trash if she wasn't smoking indoors? Ugh.

Posted: 9/17/06 at 3:42pm

she's gotta go!
i dont know how to make it happen or where to send her, though.



but start locking your room!!!!

[Pgenre]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 3:43pm

Kick her out. Now.

Neither the family nor you are indebted to her in any way and she is obviously a leech. Someone needs to tell her, "you have one hour to remove yourself and your belongings from this house or the Police will do it for you. Your choice." No more. No less. This situation has gone so far beyond the need to be cordial it's not even funny- it needs to be a clean break.

And if she is such a pro at leeching, as the facts presented suffice, I'm sure there are many more people in her cell phonebook that she can use and abuse.

People like her make me sick.

A Good Nightmare Comes So Rarely,
P genre

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 3:48pm

I'm sorry but I don't get "The son," "The mother," The father."

Are you a live in nanny?

I'm confused

What does the mother and father think of the situation? Is the the family with the autistic child?

In the end, that seems like a bad situation and I hope it gets settled soon.

Updated On: 9/17/06 at 03:48 PM

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 3:52pm

She said in the first post that she's the au pair, SweetQ.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 3:59pm

I thought I made it pretty clear in the post, but if not, for this family, I am basically an au pair. My actual prefessional title is Verbal Behavior Therapist. A family needed help with their school age son with autism and I needed a place to stay while I built up my clientele. It worked out a lot better than any of us thought, so I am staying. They get an experienced therapist living with them and I got to try out the area and see if it could be home. I made a year commitment and I just extended it another year. I have him for a few hours each day and work with private clients the other hours. This way I get to build up slow and don't feel like I have to kill myself to make ends meet. I have lots of free time to do as I wish. They are really great people.

Updated On: 9/17/06 at 03:59 PM

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 4:09pm

JerseyGirl2- thanks for explaining. I was a bit confused. It sounds like a good experience, aside for the houseguest that won't leave.
But hopefully that will get solved shortly.

Posted: 9/17/06 at 4:16pm

its all more difficult because its the familys place to ask her to leave, rather than yours (although i am sure they are glad for your input).

please let us know what they think. have you told them about her suddenly being back?

how did she even get back in the house?
does she have her own keys?
that sounds dangerous to me.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 4:17pm

No problem. It's a weird situation that is a bit hard to explain..lol. I wanted to get out of Tennessee and a job that I thought was killing me fast and this family had a way for me to do it. I was a bit embarrassed about it at first. Some friends thought I was taking a major step down, but it has become one of the best decisions I have ever made.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 4:20pm

Step down from what? You're living in (practically) your own apt. for a few hours work a day, staying with people who really appreciate you, plus you are building up your clientele.

Sounds pretty brilliant to me.

[pab]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 4:21pm

"Guests are like fish. After three days they start to smell."

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 4:27pm

Thanks Rath. I really love it here and I am an hour to the city. That is the biggest plus of the whole thing.

They had given her a key so she could lock up if she needed to walk to a store while we were out. None of us thought about it when she "left." The best we can figure, she must have come back in the wee morning hours and we didn't hear her.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 4:33pm

you need to tell them she needs to live, as it is affecting YOU, which means it is affecting HER.........tell them this is not working, and that she goes or you do.
If you are not willing to do that (for whatever reason), than sorry....but you'll need to just deal with it.
I don't mean to be callous, but I see no other way out. If the family thought it was a problem, she'd be GONE........so tell the family it IS a problem, explain why, and tell them you or her.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 4:35pm

Elph - read her posts again. The family already told her to leave.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 4:38pm

there were way too many to read, sorry...I do much better with this sort of thing with bullet points.
Then I still say, tell the family you or her. She is taking advantage, and the family has to have the balls to tell her to leave.........if they are expecting you to, then they are being unfair.
If it were me, I'd throw her stuff outside, and change the locks.

[erikaamato]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 4:42pm

Again, I ask: Have you called the mom or dad yet today to tell them she's still there??? (I would have done that immediately.) And if you have, what did they say? As I said before, since she has already been asked to leave and she is still there, that means she is TRESPASSING. The family should get the cops involved if she doesn't leave and return the key post haste.

[Incognito]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 4:46pm

Even if she was playing the game and doing her end, this was going to turn into an uncomfortable situation sooner or later.

The people you live with are, and have been beyond reasonable. It seems to me they have assertiveness issues however. It is their problem, stay out of her way and let them handle it...

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 4:52pm

Yeah, Erika, I called the dad. He said he will deal with it as soon as he gets home. If you see fireworks on the Jersey Shore tonight, it could be my house. lol

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 4:53pm

Well, don't get involved.

Stay in your room and let us know everything as it happens!

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 9/17/06 at 5:00pm

Damn right.