Some of my personal favorites from work (listening to them always makes the time pass faster):
Gershwin Theater, 10 minutes before curtain:
TOURIST #1: (opened playbill--looking at the 'One Short Day' photo of WICKED from back when the show had just opened.) My God, look at the blonde. She's popping out all over the place.
TOURIST #2: Wait--which one is she?
TOURIST #1: Glinda.
TOURIST #2: Oh. So do you think that's purposeful?
TOURIST #1: Yeah. Just look at her. No way those jugs are real.
More from the Gershwin:
TOURIST MOM: Here we go!
TOURIST GRANDMA: Wait--what is this show?
TOURIST MOM: Wicked, Ma. It's like the Wizard of Oz.
TOURIST GRANDMA: The what?
TOURIST MOM: The wizard of Oz, Ma. You know, Dorothy and the witches?
TOURIST GRANDMA: That's the show? Didn't they do that already?
TOURIST MOM: Yeah, but this is different. I think it's about the wicked witch before she dies.
TOURIST GRANDMA: Oh my goodness, she dies? How does she die?
TOURIST MOM: I think she gets shot.
Gershwin Theater Lobby:
TOURIST MOM: Oh dear. That girl everyone was talking about--the one playing the witch-- is not going to be on tonight. We're seeing her understudy. That's a shame, isn't it?
TOURIST DAUGHTER: What? Why? What happened?
TOURIST MOM: They're saying she fell through the floor.
TOURIST DAUGHTER: She what? Well, no wonder they asked her to leave! How does anyone fall through a floor?
Gershwin North Lobby (some point in 2005, WICKED replacement cast; nearly all roles are being played by understudies at this specific performance):
TOURIST (looking at the CD at the merch counter): So these are all the songs from the show?
ME: Yes, they're all on there.
TOURIST: And this is the cast we're seeing right now?
ME: No, the cast on the CD is the original, Tony-nominated cast.
TOURIST: What? That's ridiculous. Where is the CD with this cast?
ME: We only have one CD, sir.
TOURIST: So who the hell sings the Popular song on the CD? My daughter loves the Popular song.
ME: Kristin Chenoweth.
TOURIST: Who the hell is that?
ME: The original Glinda. She left the show in July, 2004.
TOURIST: Are you trying to rip me off? I am SO not paying for a CD of people who were kicked out of the show.
Updated On: 6/16/06 at 04:05 PM