If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

#1

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 11:36am

Cute feature by The Hollywood Reporter. Feel free to add additional snark/wit to it.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/gallery/julie-taymor-directed-oscars-161444#1

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"Are you sorry for civilization? I am sorry for it too." ~Coast of Utopia: Shipwreck

#2

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 11:38am

...the envelopes would never open.

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"You travel alone because other people are only there to remind you how much that hook hurts that we all bit down on. Wait for that one day we can bite free and get back out there in space where we belong, sail back over water, over skies, into space, the hook finally out of our mouths and we wander back out there in space spawning to other planets never to return hurrah to earth and we'll look back and can't even see these lives here anymore. Only the taste of blood to remind us we ever existed. The earth is small. We're gone. We're dead. We're safe." -John Guare, Landscape of the Body

#3

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 11:43am

They wouldn't air until September.

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"Jaws is the Citizen Kane of movies."

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blocked: logan2, Diamonds3, Hamilton22

#4

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 11:50am

And they would, of course, be the most boring ceremony ever.

#5

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 11:55am

After three hours of imagery, the general consensus would be "Wait, wasn't something supposed to happen? Were any awards actually given away?"

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"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it." -Stephen Colbert

#6

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 12:04pm

There would be about thirty minutes between each award presentation due to technical difficulties.

#7

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 12:12pm

so many actors, directors etc. would be injured, they would never be able to work again, and the entire film industry would be ruined!

#8

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 12:22pm

They wouldn't just make a joke about George Clooney. They decapitate him with an ensemble member.

#9

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 12:27pm

"After three hours of imagery, the general consensus would be "Wait, wasn't something supposed to happen? Were any awards actually given away?"

Just like the Grammys.

#10

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 12:33pm

The entire thing would be done with puppets.

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"TheatreDiva90016 - another good reason to frequent these boards less."<<>> “I hesitate to give this line of discussion the validation it so desperately craves by perpetuating it, but the light from logic is getting further and further away with your every successive post.” <<>> -whatever2

#11

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 12:34pm

Made out of stiff socks found next to Dollypops bed.

#12

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 1:00pm

Each Presenter flys in for the entrance but get stuck half way to the stage...show holds for hours...and then only one award is finally presented.

#13

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 1:14pm

Each Best Picture nominee would no longer feature clips but watching the actual movie. The obituary part would also necessitate the viewing of the deceased entire cannon of work as well. Speeches would be held to 1 hour and the winners would be required to fly in as an homage to Spiderman.The losers would be summarily executed or forced to watch a bootleg of Spiderman - whatever they choose.

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Poster Emeritus

Updated On: 2/27/11 at 01:14 PM

#14

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 1:26pm

Forget bootlegs; they'd be required to go to New York and see the show in person. And buy their own tickets.

#15

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 3:49pm

There would be no Best Director category because SHE is the best director.

#16

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 5:00pm

It will all be reduced to "A celebration of the work done so far".

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Just give the world Love. - S. Wonder

#17

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/27/11 at 6:22pm

...she would mysteriously win best picture for a film that hasn't even been made yet.

#18

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 2/28/11 at 7:18pm

Julie would win every category.

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Those Blocked: SueStorm. N2N Nate. Good riddence to stupid! Rad-Z, shill begone!

#19

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 3/1/11 at 2:44am

...the statuettes would be radically redesigned making sure they were as asymmetrical as possible and also dangerous to handle

...and each category would be given a back story tied into greek mythology.

...at 11pm the announcer would come on to say "Whereas this is only a PREVIEW of the awards, we have yet to tabulate the winners of best actor, best actress, and best picture... goodnight"

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"Grease," the fourth revival of the season, is the worst show in the history of theater and represents an unparalleled assault on Western civilization and its values. - Michael Reidel

#20

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 3/1/11 at 2:45am

They might have at least been interesting.

#21

If Julie Taymor Directed the Oscars....

Posted: 3/1/11 at 5:16pm

It would be the best attended Oscars in history because of the negative attention from bloggers. Julie Taymor would laugh all the way to the bank.