Biphobia in the gay community.Has anyone expierenced it?- Page 6

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 4:15pm

that is probably the biggest and absolutely incorrect things thought of bisexuals--that no or most bisexuals can be monogamous. bull****.

I know plenty of bisexuals who are monogamous. people who are going to cheat are people who are going to cheat.

sexual orientation merely outlines which gender you are attracted to. after that, finding a mate is all about finding a specific individual. the same is true for bisexuals. they merely have twice the options.

we have two choices--live in fear or educate ourselves.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 4:19pm

I hope that wasn't directed at me.
I am just stating the perception. I dated a guy who "Said" he was bisexual but I didn't believe it and, if he really was, he didn't show it much. That that particular relationship went nowhere really didn't have anything to do with his bi-ness as far as I can tell.
Of the two VERY bisexual (as in 50/50) men I know, one did leave a man he was essentialyl married to after cheating on him with a woman, whom he later married, and one was engaged to a woman who cut off the marriage after finding out he was seeing a guy.
That's not necessarily indicative of anything except that all parties involved were aware of the bisexual status of the guys. If this were going to be a problem, one can only hope they had discussed it beforehand and come to an agreement that they could both live with.
Isn't that really all that matter in the end? That, if you're pursuing a relationship, you are involved in a relationship that works out for both parties?

[RobbO]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 4:22pm

just to clarify: so, it is okay to make fun of a guy who was killed while doing his job but saying that someone's private parts are "repulsive" is a major no-no?

[luvliza89]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 4:23pm

jrb_actor, you beat me to posting exactly that.

A bisexual person can be completely satisfied in a monogamous relationship. Why wouldn't they be? So they like both sexes. That doesn't equal cheating or not being satisfied.

Well, to me anyway.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 4:25pm

i'm saying that a person cheating on their mate and/or leaving them for someone else has 0 to do with their being bisexual. it doesn't matter if it was with a guy or a girl.

are there bisexuals who need an open relationship to live honestly? yes. but the same is true for many gays and straights. let's identify the real factor.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 4:27pm

oh, exactly. I'm in your car, jerby!
I was shooting at it from the other side.
I think most women would, at the very least initially, be skeptical about the loyalty of a boyfriend who admitted to bisexuality...and vice versa.
As some people have stated, that's their problem, not the bisexuals, at least not directly.

[Calvin]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 4:28pm

Hell, I've yet to date a Kinsey 6 who hasn't cheated on me. What would I have to lose if a bisexual prospect came along?

[StageManager2]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 4:29pm

I just got back from a meeting and totally missed out on this interesting discussion. I don't have time to read all six pages, but I just wanted to put in my two cents.

I think the stigma revolving bisexuals is that a lot of partially closeted gays use this label as a way to have one foot out the door. I admit, I am guilty of having done that. When these individuals (including myself) eventually come out, it gives the false impression that bisexuality is just a stepping stone. Now, I haven't met any true bisexuals, but I am almost certain of their existence because I believe that sexuality, in general, is fluid. The world is not black and white, thus everything in it is a shade of gray. I hope that makes sense.

Updated On: 9/5/06 at 04:29 PM

[RobbO]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 4:31pm

perhaps my view is out of ignorance but i would think that the "x" factor that makes a person bisexual would inherently lead them to be dissatisfied if they only remained with one gender for the rest of their life. i equate it to a closted gay man married to a woman. sure he could do it, but he would always long to be with another man.

thus, as i said before, if i found out a guy i was dating was bi, i would assume that eventually he would "go back" to women.

i may be wrong and my view may be antiquated but it would be a very real concern of mine in dating a bi man.

perhaps bisexuals need a better marketing campaign - ya know, to get the word out.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 4:44pm

but, robbo, the closeted gay man married to a woman isn't attracted to his wife is he? so the analogy is flawed.

my first bf is a kinsey 5. he has never cheated on his wife and is quite fulfilled by her emotionally and sexually.

if he ever does cheat on her, it won't be cuz he's bi or mostly attracted to men. it would be for the same reasons any married couple cheats.

and in conclusion for the afternoon at least, this has been a great discussion. and despite disagreements, I don't have any negative thoughts about any of you guys. I know that jaily is a good guy who adores women and has a good heart. I sense that in all of you I know or have chatted with. so do keep this thread in its proper context. a friendly debate.

[RobbO]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 4:47pm

i would think the the closted gay man would have to be attracted to the woman on some level to marry her (and possibly breed).

[StageManager2]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 4:50pm

RobbO, maybe he can convince himself to be attracted to her? You'd be surprised to what lengths some desperate people will go to mask their homosexuality, even from themselves.

Updated On: 9/5/06 at 04:50 PM

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 5:00pm

denial is a powerful thing. and i'm sure the closeted gay man loves his wife the way will loves grace. as for procreating, well I imagine that's a tricky thing.

of course, sexuality is complicated.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 5:04pm

Nah. I know a guy who is absolutely, positively gay. He told me so. he was my college suitemate.
He also said he believes that, as long as you don't act on said homosexuality, God doesn't view it as a sin (part of the Exodus reprogramming is not to make you forget these attractions but to deny them).
He's married to an old friend of mine and they have four children. I think, for him, having as many children as possible is his way of "forgetting."
Do I believe something will happen homosexually to shake up that marriage? Possibly. But I do know that he has shoved that sexuality to which he so freely admitted to a small group of friends into a closet so small and tight that it might never get out.
I don't know what that makes him...but if his protections fail, it's going to be bad for everyone.

[best12bars]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 5:07pm

"I know plenty of bisexuals who are monogamous."

And I do not. BUT... my perceptions could easily change when I am educated by seeing examples of it in practice, not just in theory.

[Calvin]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 5:07pm

Do you remember a few years ago when that study came out in which a researcher, one who had been a friend to the gay community up to that point, came to the conclusion that some committed gay people could "change" their orientation?

I never quite understood the uproar over that study, since is seems reasonable that those who changed might have just been bisexual to some degree all along.

[NewArgentina]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 5:10pm

"i would think the the closted gay man would have to be attracted to the woman on some level to marry her (and possibly breed)."

You would think so, but people often go to extraordinary lengths to deny who they are. My brother is gay and fell in love with an Orthodox Jewish guy (the son of a rabbi no less) in med school. They were together on and off for two years, but he was never allowed to be part of his family, meet his friends or anything. His BF was very conflicted and couldn't accept being gay and my brother broke it off with him. He was married a year later and probably has a bunch of kids by now.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 5:15pm

Sorry to be late to this party, but in Jaily's defense, I definitely find men's genitalia REPULSIVE.

So I find nothing offensive at all about his feelings toward mine or any other woman's. And I love men. Plutonically.

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 5:20pm

See? Though Rath and I both want to vomit from every orifice at the mere thought of one another's naughty bits, we couldn't possibly adore each other more!

*snookypossum*

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 5:22pm

Precisely.

[Calvin]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 5:29pm

Oh come on, Rath. You begged me to strip at that picnic. Begged me.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 5:31pm

Top half only, dear. Admit it.

I know how desperately you want me to be bi for you.

[RobbO]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 6:08pm

so we're accepting "plutonically" as a word then?

[StageManager2]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 6:12pm

Isn't the correct terminology "platonic"? Maybe it's an inside joke, or something...

[romantico]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 7:25pm

HOLY SH*T! I leave for a few hours & this turns into a 6 page post! DAMN!

RobbO, 1st off I also liked Chasing Amy & thought of that scene when writing this. You kind of represent my gay friends who said the exact same thing to me. One of my friends who is gay whom I have known for about 6 years said to me that he could never be with a bisexual guy & it for some reason really upset me. This particular guy was straight when I met him & I was the first person he came out to. I helped him come out to his family & other friends & have always been somewhat attracted to him. He has been a loyal friend over the years & someone whom I trust with my life, but he said the exact same thing you said & it really brought me down. I know he didn't mean it, but I told him how I felt & said I guess I should just rule out being attracted to gay men. He didn't know what to say & things have been kind of awkward ever since. I guess gay men just can't trust a bisexual. I mean, isn;t that what it comes down to? I know one gay guy who won't commit with another gay guy because he's not out of the closet. Bisexuality is a trust issue with gay men I suppose. By the way RobbO, I didn't take what you said as being mean or anything.I respect your opinion & sort of see where your coming from. But RobbO,wouldn't it be ashame if you met a GREAT guy who 'was the one'& he turned out to be bi. Just asking.

jrb actor, I think out of all the posts your has been the most helpful & honest. Thanks. I appreciate everyone's repsonse. (I feel like you all should send me a bill now!(OUCH!)

Updated On: 9/5/06 at 07:25 PM