Domestic Partnership vs. Marriage

[stonewall2]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 9:44pm

They are just NOT the same. My partner, Terrie and I made the trek to City Hall last week and "registered", but wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to be really "married"? We'd also like to be assured that we have the same legal rights that are accorded to heterosexual couples. Not to have them is discrimination, pure and simple.
What about the rest of you on the boards?What are your feelings? How many of you are in some sort of "official" parnterships and did you feel any different after you signed the forms? Just for the record, I didn't feel one bit different; I wish that it had been more special(I honestly felt like we were bothering the clerk in the registry office...)
Oh, and do you wear rings? We do, since we found them at a craft show at the Art Museum, but only because we wanted to(I think I wanted it more,actually!). I just like knowing that it's there...

Updated On: 6/29/05 at 09:44 PM

[Elphaba]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 9:47pm

my partner and I have discussed this in length. We feel absolutely no need to get married, as we both feel that would be construed as emulating straight people, and we feel we don't need that to be a couple......nor do we need a straight institution to validate our union.....
We are going to register as domestic partners with the state of California.

Don't get me wrong, I am not putting down gay marriages, just that he and I do not need it to feel "married".

Posted: 6/29/05 at 9:48pm

Ultimately, I don't believe in the govenment sanctioning of one particular lifestyle choice over another - partnered or remaining single. And that has nothing to do with sexual orientation. The excuse given is that incentives need to be given to keep the species in production, and to some extent, keep the male libido in check.

I think both are unnecessary and a waste of our pooled financial resources.

BUT, if they are going to give benefits based on partnership, then it is unconstitutional and against our foundational principals not to grant them across the board.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 9:50pm

so, DC....in a word....no?

[stonewall2]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 9:53pm

I keep "editing" my original post, adding thoughts as they come to me! Sorry.....

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 10:02pm

There is so much bagagge that goes along with the word "marriage". If/when I have a partner and we decide we are going to be together for a long time, I'd want to do everything legally possible so that in the event of sickness or emergency we would have the same rights as straight people. I'd like some ceremony, that would be nice. But I'm not hung up on the marriage thing. I do believe we should have the right to get married, I just would probably choose not to myself.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 10:06pm

yes, we wear rings, on the European hand, ie right hand as the Europeans do rather than the American left hand......we got our rings on a lark in Los Cabos, Mexico.......and may buy something nicer in Santa Fe next week.
We don't wear them all the time.......probably because my finger has gotten fatter, and in the heat here that damn ring can be painful.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 10:09pm

I have no idea if I ever want to marry someone. But, I sure as hell want the equal right. And, separate is NOT equal.

Posted: 6/29/05 at 10:12pm

Elph - in our society, there are incentives given to people who choose to live conjointly rather than seperately. If that's the case, then I want the same incentives, since that's what I'm choosing to do.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 10:15pm

well, supposedly if you register with the state, based on todays ruling, you'll get all except joint taxes......
We've covered ourselves in other ways I suppose, wills, power of attorney, both medical and otherwise......and my company has domestic partner benefits......

although not everyone can say that. You're right of course, it's illegal what they're doing to us......straight, gay...shouldn't matter, same rights

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 10:19pm

We shouldn't have to spend thousands of dollars drawing up contracts that some hospitals won't respect, if you even have the darn thing on you.

Only marriage gives us equal rights--there are many rights we can't have no matter what without marriage--making your foreign BF a US citizen for one.

It's madness!

[amasis]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 10:25pm

making your foreign BF a US citizen for one.

Exactly. I have friends who are struggling with this. They've been partnered for years, but unlike the straight couples, they're not able to sponsor their partners for even a Permanent Residency permit, which means they have to find other ways to try to stay in the country. It's ridiculous.


Updated On: 6/29/05 at 10:25 PM

Posted: 6/29/05 at 10:25pm

Elph - we are completely covered here in California - but on a federal level, we have nothing.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 10:45pm

True, DG......I forgot about that......

[brdlwyr]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 10:54pm

I have not thought about the issue of Green Cards (which are really pink) and familial relationships in the context of gay couples until just now! My wife is a permanent resident alien and some of her family have had immigration issues.

Until lately I have always argued that who cares about whether there is a recognition of civil unions or "marriage" but thanks to these threads I recognize that implications are greater than first thought.

My wife and I are always looking under the bed to find the gays "threatening our marriage."

Updated On: 6/29/05 at 10:54 PM

[amasis]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 11:08pm

It's crazy what they have to do just to stay in the US, when they're in a completely legitimate relationship and could have been easily sponsored by their partners, if only gay marriage were legally recognized.
Updated On: 6/29/05 at 11:08 PM

[brdlwyr]

Posted: 6/29/05 at 11:14pm

At this time, the lowest level of priority such as a sibling relationship with a citizen takes up to 13 years for your name to be called.

[cturtle]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 12:56am

right now the worse thing for me in GA is no health benefits for my partner of 7.5 years. we should be able to have one of us "work from home" just like any other couple.

[CostumeMistress]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 12:59am

Brdlwyr, I look for them under the bed too. I hope to be married someday, after all. My fear is that all the giggling they would do under the bed would hurt our sex life. It'd be distracting.

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 1:07am

"making your foreign BF a US citizen for one."

I know someone that couldn't even get a green card for his boyfriend. They met while he was living in the UK and when he was moving back to NYC, he was going move over with him, but he couldn't get a visa or anything. They even considered moving to Canada and having him commute to NYC, but in the end, they ended up just breaking up because it was more trouble than even a potential LTR was worth.

I've always thought that if they're going to have some state-recognized relationship, the states might as well call it what it is- a marriage, as opposed to all the domestic-partnership/civil union crap. There's also a personal pet-peeve of mine involved, but it's weird and I know not everyone agrees with it.

[BwayLeadman]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 1:08am

I dont fall under this category cuz Im straight... i dont even have a girlfriend....

But i saw a special hosted by Ellen Degeneres's mother (i know i spelled that wrong)
Anyways.. I was well informed about the difference between the both.
I myself kept saying
"Why dont they just act like if they are married, all it is, is a paper and a pair of rings"
But I was proven wrong as 10 couples of 10yrs and up expressed their feelings...

I am all for Gays getting married.. wats the big deal? There are people out there that marry for the wrong reasons.

I remember from the show i saw a woman with an anti-gay marriage remark said:
"If we let the gays marry, we would have to let brothers, cousins, dogs, people and objects to get married"
Wat a stupid B*tch.

Marriage is the union of two people in love, and I most defenetely believe gays should be included.

That was my opinion.....

Posted: 6/30/05 at 1:09am

"There's also a personal pet-peeve of mine involved, but it's weird and I know not everyone agrees with it."

Now, Orange, you CAN'T just leave it at that!

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 1:38am

DGrant, I didn't really want to say, because people have used this just within this thread. But...

It bothers me when people use the word "partner" to discuss their romantic relationships. BUT, I don't even know why I'm bothered by it. Honestly, I've tried to figure out why, but when I hear people use it, I have the completely unintentioal reaction of physically cringing. I don't even know why I react like I do, but something about it just irks me on a level I can't explain.

It's not gay relationships, I'm totally fine when people refer to them as their boy/girlfriend or husband/wife. And my reaction isn't exclusive to gay relationships, because it bothered me when my professor used it in reference to his female partner.

It's just weird and I'm trying to work on it, but considering gay marriage is an option on the horizon, I figure it would just be easier to legalize gay marriage completely and irradicate the need to use it.

And now I wait for the hate-PMs. I'm sorry, I even hate when people use the word "panties". But I've known many people that don't like using "partner, including some of my gay friends, so I know I'm not alone.

[amasis]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 1:54am

It bothers me when people use the word "partner" to discuss their romantic relationships.

Isn't it funny how some of us just form a preference without having a real logic behind it (at least that we're aware of). I'm not married yet, but I always prefer "partner" over "husband" and fully intend to refer my future husband as 'partner'. I would prefer that term for me as well, over being called 'wife'. I don't cringe or anything, but I have never been fully enamored with the term girlfriend/boyfriend. And I also can't really explain why.


Updated On: 6/30/05 at 01:54 AM

Posted: 6/30/05 at 1:56am

Orange - there is abslutely NO reason to apologize! Trust me, this whole semantics issue is one that many of us have tried to work our way through. There's been periods of acceptance for all sorts of variations. I currently use partner, and that's because I've kind of wrapped my head around liking the implied jointness of the union. However, I've also used lover in the past. I just can't get my head around boyfriend, as that just doesn't seem to carry the weight of committment that we share.

Ultimately, it is all just words. It's how you feel and communicate it to each other that counts.