I need some emotional support

[broadwaywriter]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 8:40pm

I would normally never ask this, but I'm just really down in the dumps right now and since all my friends are not available, I feel like I need some support. Now most of you people seem accepting so I feel comfortable posting this on here.

I've known that I was gay for a while now and have completely accepted myself. I've come from confusion, to realization, and so on and so on, and I've accepted myself for about a year or two now. I'm definitely a very confident person, probably the most confident of all of my friends, but as we all do at times, I'm feeling really anxious and stressed. I've felt like this before and cried on the phone with my friend for a couple hours and recovered. I don't feel THAT bad, but I'm pretty close. So here's what I'm feeling.

I think all of this was triggered initially from my liking this one guy. He's a jock, but I can kind've tell he's probably gay and he covers it up with everything else. It's hard to explain. Well anyway, he dresses really well and when I went out to buy new shorts and summer clothes, I wanted to dress up-to-par with him. This led me to be very self-conscious. Then this led to me questioning, why do I need to listen to the Pussycat Dolls? Then it led me to trying to fit in to something. Then I became, I guess, unconciously uncomfortable again with my sexuality.

I don't mean to brag and I really don't because I really don't need to prove anything to you all, but I am a pretty talented musical actor. I'm honestly one of the best in my town and I always get the leads, etc. I believe I can make it on Broadway and I have the talent, drive, and look to do it. However, I'm just really scared now about my sexuality. Even though Broadway seems accepting, I'm worried about my public image if I come out (which I want to). I'm planning on officially coming out to everyone, not just my family and friends, in college and becoming open about it. However, I'm scared people will hate me for it, especially since I would be a young actor, and this would handicap me from doing anything like album recording, rock music, film acting, modeling, writing, etc. I want to do so much, but I'm getting just honestly discouraged.

Any thoughts? And I know I may sound a bit conceited, but I'm not. I just want you guys to understand my situation better. Thanks for reading.

[artscallion]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 8:50pm

One thing I've learned in life, no matter how pleasant or unpleasant the consequences feel, the truth will always set you free.

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 8:53pm

That's right. I'm not a gay man, but what I'm saying I think applies anywhere-if you're not true to yourself, and you pretend to be something you're not, you won't be happy in any of those careers you mentioned.

[nitsua]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 8:54pm

Is having a successful career more important than living an honest life?

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:00pm

"...especially since I would be a young actor, and this would handicap me from doing anything like album recording, rock music, film acting, modeling, writing, etc."

That's your choice. This may be a "bump" in the road for you, but don't let it become a handicap. Control it, don't let it control you.

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:08pm

Come out. You won't regret it.

As a very wise woman once said, what good is sitting all alone in your room? Come, hear the music play!

[DG]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:10pm

"this would handicap me from doing anything like album recording, rock music, film acting, modeling, writing, etc."

I disagree completely with this statement. It might mean creating a different form than you've thought of, but not one of those things would be automatically out of reach. Even in the mainstream, boundaries get broken every day.

[BkCollector]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:13pm

Lots of people have regretted coming out.

Ultimately it has to be your decision, but don't buy into all the happy happy joy joy **** that people are feeding you here. It's a real decision, and no one is going to say "oh, you were true to yourself, then let me not hit you in the head with this bottle"

It doesn't work that way.

That having been said, it is a REAL decision and you have to weigh the pros and cons, but don';t come out just for the sake of coming out, or because someone told you that it will make you feel better (it may, it may not, it depends on what happens afterwards) or worse, that you "won't regret it" because you may very well regret it, then again, you may not.

The people on this board think life is a show and after two hours its over, the protagonist feels better having come out and everything is hunky dory. Well, life doesn't end after your catharsis, so think about what happens afterwards.

Just my opinion.

EDIT: Oh, and rule number 1, NEVER take advice from A) Liza Minelli - look what happened to her - or B) anyone who thinks it's a good idea to follow her advice, or Sally Bowles'.
Updated On: 4/26/08 at 09:13 PM

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:16pm

broadway writer-You will know in your heart and in your gut if you live in a pretense. That alone will keep you from being happy. Never mind anyone else, it's how you feel inside that counts.

[nmartin]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:19pm

Listen to BK. That is sound, realistic adivce.

[best12bars]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:22pm

broadwaywriter---The truth WILL set you free. Don't put hurdles and obstacles in your way. Whatever success you have in life will feel tainted and compromised if you aren't "yourself" to enjoy it.

Yes, actors have done it in the past, but I doubt ANY of them were happier for it. They did it to survive. You don't have to. No sense in signing up for a tortured life if you don't need to.

And you don't.

[BkCollector]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:24pm

"The truth will set you free" was inscribed above the main entrance to my high school, an all boys Catholic High School where I came out and had the **** kicked out of me every day until I was expelled because the administration told me they couldn't guarantee my safety.

The truth doesn't do ****, mostly.

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:26pm

Amen, Besty.

[best12bars]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:27pm

That sucks, bk.

But do you regret coming out? Do you wish you were still closeted?

You had a tough road, but would you be better if you had married, had kids and hurt everybody close to you along the way?

Yeah, you would have avoided the bruises. But you would have taken many people you loved down if you had lived a lie.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:29pm

There are numerous Broadway performers who are ompletely open about their sexuality. It hasn't stopped them from getting great roles. I'm not going to mention names, but several leads on Broadway right now are openly gay.

Hang in there. Your homosexuality puts you in a class that included Michelangelo, da Vinci, Tchaikovsky, James Baldwin, Willa Cather, John Corigliano, and a whole host of others.

[DG]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:29pm

"had the **** kicked out of me every day until I was expelled"

I'm not convinced that was because you were gay.

[BkCollector]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:30pm

I don't regret coming out, but I DO regret falling into all the bull**** you guys are feeding him and coming out the way I did.

"I"M GAY" and Everyone should accept me because I had the courage to stand by my convictions and be true to myself.

That's bull.

I'm not saying don't come out. I'm saying BE SMART ABOUT IT.

[mc1227]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:30pm

I feel for you my friend. If you are certain this lifestyle is for you, then being honest about it will lessen some of the anxieties you now have. However, those may be replaced by your loved ones reaction to that revelation. Some will still love you, but some will treat you differently and that might be a permanent thing. You will have to deal with that.
As far as your career goes, you certainly have picked the most tolerant profession you could. Once you deal with the personal trauma, you can focus on your career. Hopefully one day we will see you on Broadway!! I wish you luck and happiness.

[DG]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:31pm

"I"M GAY" and Everyone should accept me because I had the courage to stand by my convictions and be true to myself."

I haven't seen ANYONE say that. I think you bring way too much of your own personal garbage to this issue.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:34pm

I say talk to a shrink - you've got a whole host of issues to deal with here - hoping your straight-boy crush is really gay and thinking you want to be in with people who will only accept you if you listen to the Pussycat Dolls to name only two. Print out this thread and highlight the line I don't mean to brag and I really don't because I really don't need to prove anything to you all and you'll have something to talk about for an entire session right there.

People are going to tell me what I mean asshole I am, but you've got some sort of anxiety disorder if you're getting all worked up over what's gonna happen AFTER you get out of college, AFTER you move to New York, AFTER you get a Broadway show and AFTER you've become so successful a Broadway actor that you have a public image to protect. Seek help for that now and spare yourself a lot of grief in your twenties.

And you're not even the best in your town, just one of the best. Imagine how stressed out the BEST guy must be.
Updated On: 4/26/08 at 09:34 PM

[best12bars]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:34pm

bk---sounds like you're saying be "crafty" about it.

I'm not one for flaunting my sexuality around anyone. I don't hide it, but I don't "girate on a parade float" around people at work or in a social setting.

That doesn't---in the LEAST---mean I'm not "out." I am.

I don't ask the woman in the next office to me if she's straight, and I don't ask her to "show me" her love for men. And I don't expect her to do the same.

Yet, I'm still most definitey OUT.

[Jane2]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:36pm

Exactly, DG. No one said that at all.

"However, those may be replaced by your loved ones reaction to that revelation. Some will still love you, but some will treat you differently and that might be a permanent thing. You will have to deal with that. "

mc-If family and loved ones don't accept him, that's their problem.THEY will have to deal with that. He's done nothing wrong. It's much more important that writer live openly the way God or whomever created him. The other people will have to learn to accept that, and if they don't, they aren't worth it.
''

[best12bars]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:38pm

Phyllis--I WAS the best in my town. And I WAS closeted. To everyone else, and even to myself. I was in total denial about my sexuality.

And it ain't fun.

Take it from the "best" best12bars. Be honest with yourself. You'll never regret it.

...except for bk.

And I STILL don't think he's totally honest with himself.

...or this board, for that matter.

[BkCollector]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:39pm

Im not so sure crafty is the word, but I think I get what you mean Best.

And yes, I shudder to say, but I agree with Phyllis here, a shrink might be a good person to talk to, make sure they are gay-friendly first, some aren't and if you think staying in the closet is bad, then you really don't want to know about aversion therapy.

I guess my point is that you can be "true to yourself" without putting yourself in a dangerous position, that's all. Be smart and you'll be fine.

Good luck, kiddo.

[TomMonster]

Posted: 4/26/08 at 9:40pm

C'mon Besty, I know you want to girate on a parade float!!!

I'll drive.