The One Minute Musical — Page 7
#152
Posted: 1/11/05 at 1:30am
Er...that would have been an odd wedding.
"I am special, I am special! Please, God, please, don't let me be normal!" ---Louisa, The Fantasticks
--- ---
Intolerant of intolerance.
#154
Posted: 1/11/05 at 1:34am
Eh...kind of scary. I'm glad I wasn't there...
"I am special, I am special! Please, God, please, don't let me be normal!" ---Louisa, The Fantasticks
--- ---
Intolerant of intolerance.
#155
Posted: 1/11/05 at 1:36am
It would have been more interesting If they'd been singing it at your conception...
#156
Posted: 1/11/05 at 1:46am
*chokes on midnight bowl of cereal*
"I am special, I am special! Please, God, please, don't let me be normal!" ---Louisa, The Fantasticks
--- ---
Intolerant of intolerance.
#157
Posted: 1/11/05 at 2:05am
apologies for our threadjack...
please continue with the wonderful One Minute Musicals...
please continue with the wonderful One Minute Musicals...
#158
Posted: 1/11/05 at 2:21am
YOU'RE A GOOD MAN, NANCY REGAN
Act One:
OVERTURE
Nancy: Hello everyone!!! I'm a good man!
Everyone: Hello good man!
ACT ONE FINALE
Act Two:
ENTR'ACTE
Nancy: Hello everyone!!! I'm a good man!
Everyone: Hello good man!
FINALE
CURTAIN
Act One:
OVERTURE
Nancy: Hello everyone!!! I'm a good man!
Everyone: Hello good man!
ACT ONE FINALE
Act Two:
ENTR'ACTE
Nancy: Hello everyone!!! I'm a good man!
Everyone: Hello good man!
FINALE
CURTAIN
#159
Posted: 1/11/05 at 2:32am
ANYTHING GOES
Reno: Hi there! I'm Reno Sweeney. I know that people may think I was named after Reno, Nevada, but the truth is, I was named Reno, because my character is supposed to be androgynous - meaning a man or woman can play this part. (Harvey welcome to the revival) Anyway, this is a story about imposters and stowaways and love and public enemy number ones, but let's skip all that so that I can go into my tap dance. (She does) Swell!
CURTAIN
Reno: Hi there! I'm Reno Sweeney. I know that people may think I was named after Reno, Nevada, but the truth is, I was named Reno, because my character is supposed to be androgynous - meaning a man or woman can play this part. (Harvey welcome to the revival) Anyway, this is a story about imposters and stowaways and love and public enemy number ones, but let's skip all that so that I can go into my tap dance. (She does) Swell!
CURTAIN
"Do you know what pledge time is, Andrew"? said the PBS Executive.
"Yes", Lloyd Webber replied. "My 50th birthday special must be one program that gets done a lot."
"No", mused the man from PBS heedlessy. "Not so much. Our Stephen Sondheim Carnegie Hall concert. That's a big one."
Spoons, forks and knives seemed suddenly to suspend their motion in horror, all around the table.
#160
Posted: 1/11/05 at 4:27am
Oklahomo!
Curly: Oh what a beautiful mornin'. Oh what a beautiful arse!
Laurence: Thanks darlin'.
Curly: Come to the Tony Awards with me...
Laurence: No I cain't. I'm goin' with that big ol' bear Jud that lives in that sexy little shack...
Curly: But I thought you loved my rugged good looks. And my arse certainly looks good in tight gold pants...
Aunt Elmer: It sure does! I'll go wit' ya Curly!
Curly: Okie Elmer.
(After the Tony Awards)
Laurence: Curly, I want you back. Jud wants to take me to see Mamma Mia! and I'm not ready for that kind of committment...
Jud: Curly, Laurence is mine!
Curly: No!
Jud: Yes!
Curly: I'll stop you with the super powers of my gaydar! You big bad bear with your cheap and tacky jukebox musicals...
(Jud Dies)
Curly/Laurence: Yay!
Curly: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK-LAHOMO!
Where the men go walking in tight pants
Where the raving queens
Have lots of scenes
And love musicals 'bout talkin' plants...
Chorus : O-K-L-A-H-O-M-O!
OKLAHOMO! yeow!
CURTAIN
Curly: Oh what a beautiful mornin'. Oh what a beautiful arse!
Laurence: Thanks darlin'.
Curly: Come to the Tony Awards with me...
Laurence: No I cain't. I'm goin' with that big ol' bear Jud that lives in that sexy little shack...
Curly: But I thought you loved my rugged good looks. And my arse certainly looks good in tight gold pants...
Aunt Elmer: It sure does! I'll go wit' ya Curly!
Curly: Okie Elmer.
(After the Tony Awards)
Laurence: Curly, I want you back. Jud wants to take me to see Mamma Mia! and I'm not ready for that kind of committment...
Jud: Curly, Laurence is mine!
Curly: No!
Jud: Yes!
Curly: I'll stop you with the super powers of my gaydar! You big bad bear with your cheap and tacky jukebox musicals...
(Jud Dies)
Curly/Laurence: Yay!
Curly: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK-LAHOMO!
Where the men go walking in tight pants
Where the raving queens
Have lots of scenes
And love musicals 'bout talkin' plants...
Chorus : O-K-L-A-H-O-M-O!
OKLAHOMO! yeow!
CURTAIN
#161
Posted: 1/11/05 at 4:31am
*dies laughing*
"I am special, I am special! Please, God, please, don't let me be normal!" ---Louisa, The Fantasticks
--- ---
Intolerant of intolerance.
#163
Posted: 1/13/05 at 4:01am
Okay, a long one, because I was bored!
Brigadoon:
Tommy: I'm dissatisfied with the girl I have now. Maybe that's because I haven't found my TRUE love yet...
Jeff: *gulp*
Fiona: I shan't waste my time until I see my TRUE love...if only he would walk into Brigadoon at this moment! *sigh*
Tommy: *walks into Brigadoon*
Fiona: That'll do! Hey, stranger, want to pick some flowers?
Townspeople: Welcome to our weird anachronistic town! We'll blatantly flaunt our strangeness, then be REALLY surprised when you realize something's odd!
Meg: (to Jeff) Mmm...you tall cool drink of water...want to come to my shack and listen to me talk about all the men I've done?
Jeff: Did you say drink? *gulp*
Tommy: Jeff, pay attention. This entire town is dressed like it's two hundred years ago. They all talk and behave like it's two hundred years ago. Huh. Must be nothing. *spots a book* Now suddenly I feel like there's something going on! Because these people have names I recognize surprisingly well! Not that they're all common names in Scotland, or anything.
Fiona: Tommy, are you looking at my book?
Tommy: Yes. I think there is...(drum roll)...a SECRET!
Townspeople: *gasp*
Fiona: However did you guess?
Tommy: Well--
Fiona: No one cares. Go talk to the wise old man.
Mr. Lundie: I'll fill that position, thank you. Whee, my big scene! *clears throat* The town is in the past two hundred years. Blah, blah, blah, blatant plot exposition, miracle, blah...
Fiona: Thank you. That's quite enough. *throws blanket over Mr. Lundie's cage*
Tommy: I will stay in your weird town with you, Fiona!
Fiona: Oh, Tommy!
*embrace*
There is a wedding, and a random angry dude dies
Townspeople: Oh, no! Not random angry dude!
Tommy: I can no longer stay in your weird town, Fiona!
Fiona: Why?
Tommy: I don't know, something Jeff said actually made sense.
Fiona: What was that?
Tommy: He said smarfnak. I think that means I'm afraid of my feelings. I don't know...he was pretty drunk.
Fiona: Oh, Tommy!
*embrace*
Tommy goes back to NY. NO ONE believes he will stay there.
Jeff: *gulp*
Tommy: I'm going back to Scotland!
Audience: Well, duh!
*in Scotland*
Tommy: I can't find Brigadoon! Where is it?
Mr. Lundie: Right here! Although two random guys have died to protect the secret of our town, your stupid decision is strong enough to bring us back for a day! I hope you know that means our costumes are now one day off. *glares*
Fiona: Back to your cage, old fool! Tommy, darrrrrrrlin!
*embrace*
Curtain.
Brigadoon:
Tommy: I'm dissatisfied with the girl I have now. Maybe that's because I haven't found my TRUE love yet...
Jeff: *gulp*
Fiona: I shan't waste my time until I see my TRUE love...if only he would walk into Brigadoon at this moment! *sigh*
Tommy: *walks into Brigadoon*
Fiona: That'll do! Hey, stranger, want to pick some flowers?
Townspeople: Welcome to our weird anachronistic town! We'll blatantly flaunt our strangeness, then be REALLY surprised when you realize something's odd!
Meg: (to Jeff) Mmm...you tall cool drink of water...want to come to my shack and listen to me talk about all the men I've done?
Jeff: Did you say drink? *gulp*
Tommy: Jeff, pay attention. This entire town is dressed like it's two hundred years ago. They all talk and behave like it's two hundred years ago. Huh. Must be nothing. *spots a book* Now suddenly I feel like there's something going on! Because these people have names I recognize surprisingly well! Not that they're all common names in Scotland, or anything.
Fiona: Tommy, are you looking at my book?
Tommy: Yes. I think there is...(drum roll)...a SECRET!
Townspeople: *gasp*
Fiona: However did you guess?
Tommy: Well--
Fiona: No one cares. Go talk to the wise old man.
Mr. Lundie: I'll fill that position, thank you. Whee, my big scene! *clears throat* The town is in the past two hundred years. Blah, blah, blah, blatant plot exposition, miracle, blah...
Fiona: Thank you. That's quite enough. *throws blanket over Mr. Lundie's cage*
Tommy: I will stay in your weird town with you, Fiona!
Fiona: Oh, Tommy!
*embrace*
There is a wedding, and a random angry dude dies
Townspeople: Oh, no! Not random angry dude!
Tommy: I can no longer stay in your weird town, Fiona!
Fiona: Why?
Tommy: I don't know, something Jeff said actually made sense.
Fiona: What was that?
Tommy: He said smarfnak. I think that means I'm afraid of my feelings. I don't know...he was pretty drunk.
Fiona: Oh, Tommy!
*embrace*
Tommy goes back to NY. NO ONE believes he will stay there.
Jeff: *gulp*
Tommy: I'm going back to Scotland!
Audience: Well, duh!
*in Scotland*
Tommy: I can't find Brigadoon! Where is it?
Mr. Lundie: Right here! Although two random guys have died to protect the secret of our town, your stupid decision is strong enough to bring us back for a day! I hope you know that means our costumes are now one day off. *glares*
Fiona: Back to your cage, old fool! Tommy, darrrrrrrlin!
*embrace*
Curtain.
"I am special, I am special! Please, God, please, don't let me be normal!" ---Louisa, The Fantasticks
--- ---
Intolerant of intolerance.
#164
Posted: 1/14/05 at 11:12pm
Awwww...I miss these.
BAT BOY
(Deven May appears from stage left, flapping his arms like a bird and running around madly.)
Deven May: *makes awkward, creepy bat noises*
Audience: ...sooo...what IS this exactly?
Deven May: Well, I'm an animal that wants to be human, but the world will never see me as one, so I'm stuck as an animal. But technically, I'm really human who is just struck down with so much hatred and guilt, that I've led myself to believe that I'm an animal. So I'm really a human that is believed to be an animal or an animal that is hoping to be human...don't you see?
Audience: .........uhhh.........no. What evidence do you have that proves that you're really human then? HUH?
Deven May: *fake bat ear accidentally pops off, onto the stage*
Audience: Ooooooooohhhhhhh!
The end.
BAT BOY
(Deven May appears from stage left, flapping his arms like a bird and running around madly.)
Deven May: *makes awkward, creepy bat noises*
Audience: ...sooo...what IS this exactly?
Deven May: Well, I'm an animal that wants to be human, but the world will never see me as one, so I'm stuck as an animal. But technically, I'm really human who is just struck down with so much hatred and guilt, that I've led myself to believe that I'm an animal. So I'm really a human that is believed to be an animal or an animal that is hoping to be human...don't you see?
Audience: .........uhhh.........no. What evidence do you have that proves that you're really human then? HUH?
Deven May: *fake bat ear accidentally pops off, onto the stage*
Audience: Ooooooooohhhhhhh!
The end.
Updated On: 1/14/05 at 11:12 PM
#165
Posted: 1/15/05 at 12:07am
Annie
Annie: I'm so lonley and poor. Adopt me, damnit.
Hannigan: I'm an old drunk. Shut up.
Grace: I'm a hoplessly-in-love stuck up secretary. Come with me, orphan.
Warbucks: I don't like you, orphan.
{time passes}
Warbucks: I like you, orphan.
Annie: I don't like you, rich man.
{time passes}
Warbucks: I still like you, orphan. And to make an extremly cheesy ending cheesier, I like you to, stuck up secretary.
Annie: What the hell, once you've gone cheesey, you gotta go all the way. I guess I like you, rich man.
Curtain.
Annie: I'm so lonley and poor. Adopt me, damnit.
Hannigan: I'm an old drunk. Shut up.
Grace: I'm a hoplessly-in-love stuck up secretary. Come with me, orphan.
Warbucks: I don't like you, orphan.
{time passes}
Warbucks: I like you, orphan.
Annie: I don't like you, rich man.
{time passes}
Warbucks: I still like you, orphan. And to make an extremly cheesy ending cheesier, I like you to, stuck up secretary.
Annie: What the hell, once you've gone cheesey, you gotta go all the way. I guess I like you, rich man.
Curtain.
Updated On: 1/15/05 at 12:07 AM
#166
Posted: 1/15/05 at 12:19am
~SUNSET BOULEVARD~
Betty: It's just a rehash of something that wasn't very good to begin with ...
Joe: ...
(*Bang)
[Giant projection of a woman we never knew]
BLACKOUT
Betty: It's just a rehash of something that wasn't very good to begin with ...
Joe: ...
(*Bang)
[Giant projection of a woman we never knew]
BLACKOUT
#167
Posted: 1/15/05 at 12:38am
PETER PAN
Peter Pan: Haaaaay kids! My name is Peter Pan! I'm a little boy who wears tights, plays with pixie dust, likes to sing really high, and has fairy friends! WEEE!
Wendy: Oh Peter, don't let Captain Hook make me walk the plank! Wasn't I a good mother to you? I mean, really. Do you REALLY want me out of your life, where you're now going to be all alone with Michael, John, and the other lost boys???
Peter Pan: ............*shoves Wendy off the plank*
The end.
Peter Pan: Haaaaay kids! My name is Peter Pan! I'm a little boy who wears tights, plays with pixie dust, likes to sing really high, and has fairy friends! WEEE!
Wendy: Oh Peter, don't let Captain Hook make me walk the plank! Wasn't I a good mother to you? I mean, really. Do you REALLY want me out of your life, where you're now going to be all alone with Michael, John, and the other lost boys???
Peter Pan: ............*shoves Wendy off the plank*
The end.
#168
Posted: 1/15/05 at 1:04am
Starlight Express--(the road show)
Curtain Up
Some bullsh**t about cats on roller skates. Harsh, unpleasant music. Badly amplified voices. Claustrophobic, painful video.
Intermission--everyone storms the box office and demands their money back.
FIN.
Curtain Up
Some bullsh**t about cats on roller skates. Harsh, unpleasant music. Badly amplified voices. Claustrophobic, painful video.
Intermission--everyone storms the box office and demands their money back.
FIN.
"They have never understood, and no reason that they should.
But if anybody could . . . " --SS
#169
Posted: 1/15/05 at 2:49am
That was better than the show, bta! What a waste of hours I won't get back.
#170
Posted: 1/15/05 at 5:14am
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat:
Narrator: Hi, a long time ago there was a man named Jacob who had 12 sons, his favorite was Joseph.
Brothers: We hate Joseph, since he is Daddy's favorite. Let's sell him into slavery and tell our father he died.
*Jacob mourns. Brothers celebrate. A camel appears and sings*
Narrator: So, Joseph ends up in Potiphar's house and rises in position. However, Potiphar's wife wanted to do him, but Joseph resisted her. So she gets him thrown into jail on false charges. People have weird ass dreams in jail.
Joseph: The Lord has told me what your dreams mean! And Egypt will fall into famine for seven years if we don't do something!
Pharoah: I like you. So, you are now my righthand man.
Brothers: Our family is starving! Give us some grain!
Joseph: *thinks* It's my family! But they don't recognize me at all...heh heh- I'm gonna fake them out! *places cup in Benjamin's sack*
Benjamin: I didn't steal it!
Brothers: We can't go back without him! Our father already lost one son!
Joseph: Ha ha! It's me!
*Everyone reunites and is happy. Joseph puts on his coat*
Narrator: Hi, a long time ago there was a man named Jacob who had 12 sons, his favorite was Joseph.
Brothers: We hate Joseph, since he is Daddy's favorite. Let's sell him into slavery and tell our father he died.
*Jacob mourns. Brothers celebrate. A camel appears and sings*
Narrator: So, Joseph ends up in Potiphar's house and rises in position. However, Potiphar's wife wanted to do him, but Joseph resisted her. So she gets him thrown into jail on false charges. People have weird ass dreams in jail.
Joseph: The Lord has told me what your dreams mean! And Egypt will fall into famine for seven years if we don't do something!
Pharoah: I like you. So, you are now my righthand man.
Brothers: Our family is starving! Give us some grain!
Joseph: *thinks* It's my family! But they don't recognize me at all...heh heh- I'm gonna fake them out! *places cup in Benjamin's sack*
Benjamin: I didn't steal it!
Brothers: We can't go back without him! Our father already lost one son!
Joseph: Ha ha! It's me!
*Everyone reunites and is happy. Joseph puts on his coat*
"During this performance, please feel free to let your cell phones and pagers ring willy-nilly. However, do remember that there are heavily-armed knights on stage and you might well be dragged up and impaled."
(Pre-curtain announcement at the new Broadway musical Monty Python's Spamalot)
#171
Posted: 1/15/05 at 12:24pm
Beauty and the Beast...
You should have rented the movie!!!!
The Lion King....
Androgynous animal-human: *gibberish*
Scar: Bloody nephew.
Hyenas: WE KEEL YOU!
Simba: I hate life.
Pumbaa & Timon: We love life!
Simba: Okay, I love life, too!
Nala: ...Not after I miraculously reappear just in the nick of time!
Simba: Damn. You're Hot!!
Mufasa: CIRCLE OF LIFE, yo.
Simba: *roars*
Scar: SH*T. *dies*
Lions and their prey: *celebrate*
Curtain
You should have rented the movie!!!!
The Lion King....
Androgynous animal-human: *gibberish*
Scar: Bloody nephew.
Hyenas: WE KEEL YOU!
Simba: I hate life.
Pumbaa & Timon: We love life!
Simba: Okay, I love life, too!
Nala: ...Not after I miraculously reappear just in the nick of time!
Simba: Damn. You're Hot!!
Mufasa: CIRCLE OF LIFE, yo.
Simba: *roars*
Scar: SH*T. *dies*
Lions and their prey: *celebrate*
Curtain
"At the opening night party, they had clowns on stilts, jugglers, a chocolate fountain, popcorn, hot dogs. [My son] looked at me like I had been holding back. Like, 'This is what you do?' I had to tell him, 'No, no, darling. Opening nights don't usually look like this.' It's usually a dark bar with a bottle of vodka." ?Chitty Chitty Bang Bang's Jan Maxwell
plus i proudly share the title of the shortest member over the age of 10 with wickedrentq!
#173
Posted: 1/15/05 at 3:17pm
Thnaks Beka- my firend alli wrote it.
"At the opening night party, they had clowns on stilts, jugglers, a chocolate fountain, popcorn, hot dogs. [My son] looked at me like I had been holding back. Like, 'This is what you do?' I had to tell him, 'No, no, darling. Opening nights don't usually look like this.' It's usually a dark bar with a bottle of vodka." ?Chitty Chitty Bang Bang's Jan Maxwell
plus i proudly share the title of the shortest member over the age of 10 with wickedrentq!
#174
Posted: 1/15/05 at 3:19pm
GREASE
Sandy:wow danny, wasn't summer great?
Danny:Yeah sandy, it was. but don't say it while other people are around.
Sandy:that's not very nice.
Rizzo:i'm pregnant.
Kenickie:that sucks
Rizzo:oh wait, no i'm not.
Danny:wow sandy, i like you better when you look like a skank.
Sandy:good, i'll stay this way i guess.
Sandy:wow danny, wasn't summer great?
Danny:Yeah sandy, it was. but don't say it while other people are around.
Sandy:that's not very nice.
Rizzo:i'm pregnant.
Kenickie:that sucks
Rizzo:oh wait, no i'm not.
Danny:wow sandy, i like you better when you look like a skank.
Sandy:good, i'll stay this way i guess.
"grace, you're stuffed in a box getting rid of ass plaque. let's face it, this evening is a bust."
#175
Posted: 1/15/05 at 3:50pm
Little Women
Jo: I want to be a writer!
Amy!: I want to be sophisitcated!
Meg: I want to fall in love!
Beth: I want to sing songs and play piano with the grumpy old man next door
Marme: I miss my husband... and wish I sang more than two songs.
Laurie: I love Jo!
~Time passes~
Jo: I'm a writer! (And engaged!)
Amy: The audience hates me!
Meg: I'm boring!
Beth: I'm dead, bitches.
Marme: Didn't I have a husband...?
Laurie:.... I love Jo!... but will settle for this Amy chick.
All gaze into the audience imporantly
*CURTAIN*
Jo: I want to be a writer!
Amy!: I want to be sophisitcated!
Meg: I want to fall in love!
Beth: I want to sing songs and play piano with the grumpy old man next door
Marme: I miss my husband... and wish I sang more than two songs.
Laurie: I love Jo!
~Time passes~
Jo: I'm a writer! (And engaged!)
Amy: The audience hates me!
Meg: I'm boring!
Beth: I'm dead, bitches.
Marme: Didn't I have a husband...?
Laurie:.... I love Jo!... but will settle for this Amy chick.
All gaze into the audience imporantly
*CURTAIN*
If you limit your choices to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise."- Robert Fritz
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