First Preview of The Performers

Whose ass do I have to fist to get a drink in this town?!

My sides hurt so much from 100 minutes of almost uninterrupted laughter. I can guarantee this: there is nothing on Broadway that is even close to what The Performers is. On one level it's the best show of the season, and on another very valid level it's the worst, which only makes it all the more "can't miss."

Do you think he really loves me?
Of course! Don't you see the way he avoids shooting in your eye when he cums on your face?

About 2/3 through the show the brilliant, brilliant, brilliant Ari Graynor and Alicia Silverstone share a scene that is so over the top and hilarious I couldn't describe if I tried. Graynor is so calculating in her career choices to establish herself as a gay icon, and not that she wasn't already there, but this cements (or rather sements) it. I bow down and worship at her altar and she has my heart for life.

What's one of the nominees? "I just ate Chinese, but I'm still hungry."

The theater was completely empty, sadly. There couldn't have been more than 25 in the balcony and maybe a handful more than that in the mezz. I don't know why this isn't on tdf. Word of mouth can't spread if no one is there to see it. I don't really think you can qualify this as camp, but it's on the same branch of the family tree. It's shocking in every sense of the word. Graynor and The Performers must be seen to be believed.

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Updated On: 10/23/12 at 10:18 PM

I second Whizzer's thoughts. So hysterically funny, and with a great cast that makes the most of every little moment, though I agree that Graynor is the standout here.

I hope this one's a big hit. If they can get people to the theatre (in spite of truly some of the most vulgar language surely ever heard on a Broadway stage), it will be. So enjoyable and funny. It was supposed to be 90 minutes but it ran almost 15 minutes longer due to all the laughing and applause throughout.

And, Whizzer, I'm not sure if you could see up in the mezz, but it wasn't as empty as it might've looked. The entire center section was pretty much filled and I'd say about 2/3 of the sides.

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The tiny audience that was there seemed to respond well.

Winkler has the smallest part, but has some of the best one liners. He stumbled on a line here and there, but really was very funny. (His entrance line was the one about fisting I quoted.)

Cheyenne looks exactly like Tom Cruise in Magnolia. The same hair and body language. He is playing an airhead porn star, and his characterization isn't far from what he was doing in Xanadu. It works though and he's pretty funny.

Overall the women steal the show though. There are so many funny jokes about anal, cum shots, dildos- I mean anything you can think about with the porn industry and they threw it in.

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"The theater was completely empty, sadly."

I have to disagree with this completely! Sitting in a full orchestra with laughing people and Liza and Joan Rivers it felt like an opening night downstairs!

This show is so funny I was shocked! Not shocked by the words (which are shocking) but shocked by how funny a play can be!

The timing from all the actors was so wonderful one would never imagine it was a first night!

Ari may be God! or is it Goddess?!

So, considering my mother plans on seeing this with me when she comes into the city at Christmas, how many glasses of wine do I need to get in her to minimize my discomfort of having to potentially explain a cum shot joke to her?

Updated On: 10/23/12 at 10:40 PM

HA Calvin! I don't know the relationship you have with your mother, or how much of a "cool mom" she is, but I'd err on the side of caution and say 3.

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The Planet of The Earth

For once in my life, I agree with After Eight.

After Eight,

I'm sorry to hear you didn't like it. For me it was the hit-you-over-the-head vulgarity that I found so wildly funny.

Slight spoilers*****
You didn't find the jokes about Graynor making fun of the Queen of England taking a sh!t funny? Or when she admitted she lied about the broken toliet, and how she drank 8 glasses of orange juice so she could pee in front of her, and she didn't even like orange juice! OR when she admitted to liking the remake of Freaky Friday so much more the "sh!tty original?"

For me all this stuff was so genuinely funny. I guess with humor it really is different strokes for different folks, and like I mentioned above, those outside of the target audience for this stuff will not be amused at all.

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I have to agree with After Eight. Yes, I was certainly laughing at some things (and I enjoyed Graynor's performance). But ultimately, it felt like a Saturday Night Live sketch that laster far past its punch line. I did some laughing with it and some laughing at it. And moments where I had to wipe the innuendo off of my forehead. Either that or swat it away because I saw it coming from so far away. I was flabbergasted that the audience laughed so heartily at the poorly created sexual innuendos. There was one that was brutally clever - but I'll save that for the audience.

Overall it was a fine night out and perfectly fun for what it was (and a free ticket!). But to say that my sides hurt... not so much. But I'm glad people seemed to really enjoy it.

Calvin, I'm sure most of our moms don't need cum shot jokes explained. There was a time they didn't need 50 Shades of Gray....

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"Ultimately, it's how one feels that matters, not how one is supposed to feel, or is told to feel."

Read more: https://forum.broadwayworld.com/readmessage.php?thread=1052079&page=4#ixzz2ABTBjs5m

Funny how After Eight's words of wisdom ("nothing in it is,") run afoul of his prior words of wisdom. It's like he's contrary for the sake of being of contrary.

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I don't even know why I'm bothering...but the reason I'm rolling my eyes isn't because you disliked this show. It's because you don't seem to "like" much of anything. And because you are consistently condescending.

I never said I saw it. And thank you so, so very much for "clueing" all of us idiots in on how "atrocious" the show is. That is called opinion. Not truth. It is your opinion that it is atrocious. You're entitled to your opinion and it's too bad you didn't enjoy the show. It seems like a lot of other people did.

Updated On: 10/23/12 at 11:42 PM