A Contract for the Gay Guy/Straight Girl Friendship

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 3:10pm

I think this is rather insightful!

"Thanks to make-over shows and reality television, every girl in America thinks that they need "a gay." Sorry, ladies, but gay men have no interest in being your pink, glittery accessory. In fact, there are some rules for these relationships.

The latest instance of this behavior to piss us off is Wendy Atterberry pleading for some gay attention on The Frisky. She needs a gay cause she's married now and needs someone who can fix her bad-hair-day hair, make snarky comments about the Oscars, and enjoy long brunches with plenty of gossip! She wants a little, lisping lad to run around screaming bon mots and tossing out fairy dust like Carson Kressley on a meth binge. Sorry, but we are sick of this."


The rest at this link

[CSonBroadway]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 3:21pm

I think that it is speaking for Gays as a whole too much. I don't mind going shopping with my girl best friends, because, I love fashion for either male or female. Not all gays wanna be a macho gay man, and I feel like this article is biased towards that.

[Bluemoon]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 3:22pm

Well, geez Robbie, if you didn't to come over and paint my nails tomorrow night, you could have just said no. Sheesh.

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 3:24pm

So that's why you asked me Moony...and all this time I thought I was your number 1 gay.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 3:25pm

LOL, blue!

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 3:35pm

I'm as far from macho as you can get, and I'd rather be burned as a witch than take a woman shopping for clothes.

[CSonBroadway]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 3:43pm

And why...? I dont "take" my friends shopping for clothes, I go with them and give them advice cause I enjoy fashion. OMG IM SO SORRY...I have to remember that in order to be gay on BWW you have to be as macho as you can so you don't fit in to the stereotypes.

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 3:45pm

OMG...there are macho gay men posting on here?...how come I haven't met any of them?

[danmag]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 3:56pm

I'm willing to sign that contract.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 4:15pm

I'm not macho (why are we suddenly in 1978?) and I hate shopping for clothes with women. Hate. It. Especially if they venture into a department store where the women's department takes up seven floors. I'll meet you in the food court in three hours. If you're late, I'm eating your cheese on a stick.

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 4:33pm

"And why...?"

Because I don't exist to make women feel good about themselves. Or, as I like to say, 'I'm not gay for you.'

And I would like you to point me in the direction of a SINGLE macho man on BWW. I've been in the same room with many of them. It's like a bus and truck of THE WOMEN.

[Calvin]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 4:42pm

I played flag football for one season when I was 6.

And yes, shopping with other people bores me, too. I'm even less interested in shopping with other people when they're buying stuff for their kids.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 4:52pm

I don't really like shopping myself all that much. I used to when I was skinny.

[Bettyboy72]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 4:57pm

I agree with many of the sentiments of that piece, but it is pretty narrow. LGBT folks psychologically have always run the risk of being the caretaker, the go-to person, the bff whose own needs get swept aside since they are an oppressed, often invisible minority. The media does not help this stereotype by spoonfeeding the public "safe" gays like Carson Kressley and Jack McFarland whose only goal is to make you feel better or laugh. Gay men are often seen as the court jester, with the humor often masking their own sadness and isolation.

However, the woman that the article is referring too is also a rare breed. Most mature women I know do not act like that- I respect them and they respect me. Typically, the stereotypical dowdy, dramatic fag hag is with the fey, twinky, drunk glamourpuss who is out in the clubs every night. They tend to be mutually exclusive and feed on one another's stereotype.

I think that article misses the whole subsection of mature and well adjusted gay men and straight women.

Oh and for the record, I do get a little irritated by comedians who in my eyes pander to the gay community. Namely some straight female comics who go on about gay men and gay sex. It's like, please talk about your own experience. Thanks.

[Craww]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 5:30pm

Yeah. It was an article full of broad generalizations, so there are a few offenses and many things that won't apply to all people. But it might have been worth saying, regardless.

It kind of makes me feel better about the stereotypical fat girl + gay guy friendship I have going with a coworker. Because not one of those things applied to our relationship. We basically only go to movies (not just romantic comedies, thanks) or gather at his place for board games with his friends. Every time we've gone shopping or to a gay club it was at his behest. (I've also listened to plenty of his relationship drama, but haven't really discussed mine with him.)

I think this list goes completely out the window if the gay man and straight girl in question are legitimately best friends. You shouldn't expect your casual gay friend to hear all your boyfriend drama just because he's got inside knowledge of how a man's mind works, but if my gay friend were my best friend you'd be damn sure that he's gonna be listening to my dramas and vice versa.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 5:31pm

I absolutely agree that it's offensive. I had a girl once literally tell me she wanted me to be her Stanford. (She could have at least said Anthony, bitch!)

But I will say that I would rather people want us to help them with their hair and clothing than want us dead.

[spiderdj82]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 5:36pm

Personally, I would rather help someone else shop for clothes, and give my opinion, then shop for myself. I can not dress my body to save my life

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 6:03pm

Like I'd ever take a lecture on stereotypes from a Gawker article.

Although I do agree about being fixed up. I've had two many experiences in my life where people thought just because I was gay and their friend was gay that we were going to hit it off.

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 6:23pm

"You Are Not a Gay Man Trapped in a Woman's Body"

oh, but i am lol

[CSonBroadway]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 6:37pm

And also when people say Jack Mcfarland is a bad stereotype, he isn't. Will & Grace was the thing in my life that taught me it was okay to be gay. Also, I think thef act that Will is the opposite of Jack on the gaydar, it shows there are more than just one kind of gay guy.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 7:11pm

I feel like while those sorts of girls looking for a Gay Friend do exist, but I thought most sensible people would have weeded them out their lives by the time they were 21 or so. I remember when I came out I often felt like I was a party trick for well-meaning straight folks, but once I figured out my own complicity in that I could move right past it. Plus a girl looking for a gay friend who'd enjoy going shopping and going to clubs needs to look in the opposite direction of me. I like straight girls who like to smoke weed and watch movies.

This does remind of me of my most recent birthday. I had a low-key meeting of people at a gay sports bar for karaoke. This girl from work came and acted absolutely batsh*t insane. She kept trying to throw me at every guy who walked by and kept talking about how strange it was to know that no men there were looking at her and how she guessed she'd be buying her own drinks all night. And on and on and on. It was truly bizarre. She was all wide-eyed and awed, liked she was visiting some lost tribe in the bush or something. I figured she must have never been to a gay bar before, but no she had, and her BROTHER was gay. She wanted to fix me up with him, natch, because we both gay.

Oh, and I'm not vaginaphobic like the Gawker guy, so I'll talk to any woman about their lady parts. Hell, I'm often the one initiating those discussions.

I feel like this article shines a light on a really insignificant issue, and manages to reinforce all sorts of stereotypes about gay male misogyny in the process.

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 7:16pm

geez, robbie, i let you grope my package one time and now i'm nellier than clifton webb?

[Craww]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 7:23pm

...it occurs to me that there's a certain irony to this proposal, because the gay man laid out in this article might not be the kind of person that mature and reasonable women want to spend their time with. I can't help but feel like the gay man in this article is attracting that kind of ditzy, objectifying, appropriating female for a reason.

[toanythingtaboo 2]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 8:14pm

During the first week of University, I met a girl living upstairs who upon hearing I was gay decided to make it her mission to...'collect' me, I guess. I heard through my flatmates that she was going around saying 'I always wanted a gay best friend!'

As flattering as it is to be wanted, being treated like the latest accessory trend is a bit of downer. What doesn't really help is when the in-your-face camp gay's are more than happy to be treated as one, so because they're clearly the only type of gay out there...girls think we're all like that and up for being a lap dog.

I guess my best friend and I fall into the Will & Grace stereotype of dating..breaking up upon the realisation he's gay, but remain really close for years after. It definitely does make a difference if you're best friends who happen to be a gay man and straight woman, it's just a friendship then rather than a convenient arrangement.

[Perfectly Marvelous]

Posted: 1/27/10 at 8:32pm

My boyfriend told me about a girl who he used to go to school with who apparently "collected" gays. I understand having a best friend who happens to be gay is cool and everything, but collecting people is ridiculous. Gay people aren't like beanie babies or baseball cards, for Pete's sake!

That being said, I read the article over a few times. I happen to have some friends who are gay. Never would I expect them to go shopping with me (not unless they wanted to!)

Updated On: 1/27/10 at 08:32 PM