Biphobia in the gay community.Has anyone expierenced it?- Page 2

[Calvin]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:34pm

I know what Jaily is saying, Kringas. I cannot imagine ever enjoying sex with a woman (and yes, I have tried it). Which makes me all the more certain that bisexuality exists because there are those that can make it happen.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:35pm

Well, I would say it is absolutely easier for women to be bisexual than it is for men. But it seems that SO many females that identify as bisexual do it for the shock effect. I know girls who call themselves bi that have never been further than making out with a chick in a bar while drunk.

I am bisexual. I have had long term relationships with both men and women. Do I lean more to one side than the other? Yes. I have met women with whom I have had immediate chemistry and they chose not to go out again because I am bi. I think there is a fear there. I mean, Julie Cypher did leave Melissa Etheridge after like 14 years to be with a man. I think partners or potential partners have a fear of inadequacy. For me, that isn't how it works. If I am with a woman, I am committed to her. If I am with a man, I am committed to him. I don't have a need to have a man and a woman in my life at the same time. I think that people assume that is what you want.

I would assume that for someone who identifies as gay and has a problem with bisexuals it has to do with what the gay person has been through. Coming out can be a VERY hard process. I think the reason the gay community tends to be close knit is because they have all been through similar situations. They have dealt with their families. They deal with the discrimination. They can't marry. They are all in the same boat. A bisexual wouldn't necessarily have to go through any of those things. Maybe that is why there is some hostility there. Just my opinion.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:37pm

I assure you, broomstick, that your opinion is in no way fact.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:39pm

A very good friend of mine is a bisexual male. I love going out with him because you NEVER know who he going to go home with, but it's always some ridiculously hot person.

[Calvin]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:40pm

JerseyGirl, I've never met him, and I already hate him.

[Kringas]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:40pm

I can't imagine I'd enjoy having sex with a woman either, but I wouldn't use the words "extreme revulsion" in relation to it. Lack of attraction and revulusion are not one and the same in my book.

[romantico]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:41pm

I think Jerseygirl2 has got it! Perhaps her being a bisexual makes it that more clear, but what she says makes sense to me.When I am in a relationship I am with that person only. My eyes don't wander & I don't feel I am 'allowed' to play with both sexes.This is what I have encountered the most. That bi's are ****ed up & confused & will bed hop til dawn because they don't know what they are or they won't admite they are secretly gay.I've been in a relationship with both men & women and have not prefered one over the other.Weird,but you'd think I would be twice as likely to find someone being bi.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:43pm

like with straight males who are repulsed by gay stuff, I think 'revulsion' equals 'insecurity'.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:44pm

Men are fickle and only try to meddle in bisexuality because they want what women have : the ability to maintain stable relationships. Women have better luck because they would rather be with the wrong person than be alone. With men, it's the other way around.

That statement still has my head spinning. What the **** does that even mean?


And Romantico, it is very clear that YOU NEED NEW "FRIENDS".

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:46pm

Gay or straight, friends that wont accept you are not your friends.

[BroomstickBoy]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:48pm

What I meant was....men who consider themselves bisexual really just don't want to identify as "gay" and they don't know what they want. They would rather be bisexual because women are better with relationships. Men would rather be alone than waste time with the wrong person. Women don't see it as "the wrong person" because they can maintain some kind of relationship still.

[BroomstickBoy]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:49pm

Well said doodle!

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:49pm

romantico... you are welcome to any and all my parties regardless of who you bring. My best friend is as gay as they come, yet every now and then he goes through a 'girl' phase.

[WithoutATrace]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:49pm

I have known I was gay since age 13, but didn't come out until age 23 and did nothing sexually until then. Never once in middle school, high school or college did I claim to be bisexual (yes, all of my friends knew I was gay). Since I am attracted only to men and can't even imagine having sex with a woman, I do not underdstand how it feels to be attracted to both sexes. That being said, I definitely think it is possible for that to be the case and as a gay man, I would certainly not stop being your friend if you told me you were bisexual. I agree that you need new "friends" and am sorry that many of the gay guys were not as accepting of you. So sad.

[Kringas]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:49pm

I think you've managed to make less sense this second time around.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:52pm

For a man, if you can "do it" with both sexes, and enjoy both, you are a bisexual...that is what the word means. There may be many shades of grey here.

It's like being tall, everyone is compared to someone else. There is only one tallest and shortest person on the planet. Everyone else is somewhere in between.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:52pm

It's the same thing as straight people assuming gay people will sleep with ANYone of the same sex. I will never forget an episode of Geraldo when I was younger. I think it was mid-80s. There were five sisters on the show that were all gay. During the audience questions segment people kept asking if any of them had ever slept with each other. When the women said no the audience didn't buy it and kept asking. It was ridiculous.

And saying that bisexuality doesn't exist is like saying left handed people don't exist.

[BroomstickBoy]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:52pm

If you're referring to me, then I'm not elaborating anymore. Try to make sense of it your own damn self :-p

if not, I'm done with this thread, :)

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:53pm

Jerby, did you just insinuate that I am a closet het? *vapours*

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:56pm

broomstick, that is flat out wrong. yes, there are men who deny their true sexual orientation, but these men usually declare themselves straight and do guys on the dl. others say bi when they are coming out and have trouble realizing they are fully gay or think it's less a stigma.

other men say bi because they ARE bi.

[romantico]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:59pm

Broomstickboy, thanks for the reply & I see where your coming from & respect your opinion. However, I do know what I want. Someone who loves me for who I am. Someone who makes me laugh & supports me. Someone who has the same interest as I do. I could go on & on, but I think you get the gist of it. Thats what I want. I just don't know if this person is male or female. Most people can narrow it down.I can not.At the newsstand I thumb through Playboy & Playgirl. I look at Maxim magazine & Genre & XY as well.I am attracted to youth and beauty but also maturity & someone who can give me some intellectual stimulation.Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 1:59pm

My "bi" phase lasted exactly one day.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 2:02pm

I was never bi. I had relationships and more with women, all the while struggling with who I really was.
Then I stopped dating or having sex at all. Then I began to come out and all of my energy was directed towards men.
So I can see and understand there "there can't be any real bi men" mentality. Then again, I've met a couple of guys with VERY specific bisexual tendencies. I think they really are bi.
Now, that said, I do think sexuality falls in a spectrum, with some wholly heterosexual and some wholly homosexual.
I wouldn't pursue a woman at this point in my life but I have still found some attraction to women before that has even felt sexual. I wouldn't necessarily classify myself as bi because of that, though, because my same sex attractions will always override that.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 2:07pm

When I said "phase" I meant that I decided it would be easier to tell the first person I was going to come out to that I was "probably bi" rather than gay gay gay gay gay. It was, so I never needed to do it again.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 9/5/06 at 2:11pm

The gorgeous Monica Munro, a transgender entertainer, once said that as a young boy, she knew she was gay and not bi when she first saw a vagina. She said she went running from the room screaming, "MOM, NO!!!"