Well....I've finally come out to my family about me being gay and they said...- Page 3

[Forester]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 8:01am

Give your father time to digest it. Don't be aggressive about it and let him come to term on his own time. I know it can be frustrating, but it's now up to him to accept who you are. There is very little you can do except show that you are still the same person.

[morebroadwayplease]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 8:10am

ok, thanks

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 9:02am

I still think the breadstick idea would have helped. Your father could never pretend that didn't happen.

Posted: 6/26/05 at 9:12am

yeah when I came out to my dad (who is an evangelist) I was expecting him to kick me out of the house. He said the same thing pretty much,"I don't think you are gay just confused but regardless of who you are I will always love you" (were his exact words) I was so relieved.

[Princeton78]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 10:30am

Yes, I would calm down and talk with them. Overall, it sounds like they took it well. The acceptance will most likely come.

[morebroadwayplease]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 10:37am

I hope so

[jaded_october]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 10:39am

Congratulations on coming out. I hope everything turns out for the best with your family! <3<3<3

[morebroadwayplease]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 10:45am

I think it's already starting to come (the acceptance)

Today I had a phone call with my dad. Instead of me calling him, he called me. Here is the conversation:

m=morebroadwayplease
d=dad
_____= my name

m: Hello?
d:Hi ______ it's your dad.
m: Hi.
d:Well, I want to talk about what happenened last night.
m:Yeah?
d:well...I think that if you're gay, I guess I'm going to have to live with that. There's nothing anyone can do about it.

(I tried to restrain aggresion, what you guys suggested I do)

m:Well....yeah.
d:Listen, I don't care what you do with your life, it's none of my business and it's your life, not mine. You're 20 years old, and old enough to make your own choices. I guess I'm okay with it, just...I don't really want to talk about it anymore. Let's just forget about it. You're my son, I love you. Just know that I'm not angry at you or anything, I'm just not totally comfortable with it. Alright, goodbye.
m:bye

I guess it would be better just not to talk about it. What do you all think?

[jaded_october]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 10:48am

well... not talking about it and forgetting it is kind of like... the big elephant in the room thing. you're gay, no matter what, and your parents are just gonna have to accept it. I'm glad your dad called you though.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 11:05am

I'm not a big advocate of demanding people to love and accept you the moment you tell them you're gay. It's not that simple. If they do it, that is wonderful, but saying they HAVE to is rather naive. Nobody HAS to love you or accept you and that is the ugly truth. I've seen it happen. Demanding their love and acceptance and trying to force it on them is only going to make it worse. Just be yourself and answer their questions. If you demonstrate to them that it is not a big deal, then maybe they will understand it is not a big deal. But to expect instant acceptance the night you tell them in a public place is rather foolish. He'll probably come around but it will not happen in 5 minutes or overnight. My parents took it extremely well, but it was still about 2-3 years before they felt comfortable talking about it. Now, they are politically active in advocating equal rights for gays and get their friends involved as well. Your parents have spent 20 years thinking you were straight. Give them a little time. I applaud your bravery. Coming out is incredinbly difficult. Just don't expect instant results. You'll only alienate yourself from your family.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 11:24am

same here daydreamer.......the poz thing, that never seems to bother anyone. In fact if anything people want to treat me differently like, 'Aw, lemme give you a big hug", and that's not what I want when I tell someone.......

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 11:24am

All the points have been made...but,

CONGRATULATIONS (You big ol Mary)!

[Elphaba]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 11:30am

more, there will come a time when he will want to talk about it. You achieved your goal, which is telling them. Now you have to step back and let them digest it. In time they will want to know your boyfriend, in time they will want to know about your life. Now, is not that time. It took my Mom years before she'd even meet a partner, and she adores mine now. He's considered a member of the family, and she'll even yell at him, which is usually only reserved for her own children; she doesn't even yell at my cousins.
If your mom is more accepting, talk to her about it......she'll make sure anything important gets back to him.

I remember my dad saying the only thing that bothered him is it would (in his opinion) be a lonely life, and he only wanted me happy.......that truly meant a lot to me.
I think with my mom it was that I was, and still am her favorite, and she wanted grandchildren from me. Funny, my sister found God, and is 50, unmarried, and a virgin, and my brother who we thought would never get married was the one to give them a grandchild.

and I just wish the Jesus freaks would find the God my sister did, as she is the most supporting person of my relationship of anyone I know......which was totally unexpected.

Updated On: 6/26/05 at 11:30 AM

[Greekmusicalfan]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 12:08pm

Your dad seems like a great guy ! Try to see things from his point of view ! He already took another step in your direction and that is very admirable. Don't be aggressive towards him and don't try to provoke him. He respects you, so try to do the same ! In time, everything will be fine ! You are lucky to have such a supportive family !

[Adoannie925]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 12:49pm

That's so similar to the reaction my parents had. I know how it feels.

My Dad says to me "It's a hard life, so don't tell anyone. What do you think is harder, being black or gay?" This isn't 1950 anymore, times change and my parents can't accept that. Regardless of race, sexuality orientation, gender, etc., I look at a person as a person and I just wish my family could do that.

My Mom still can't accept that I'm a lesbian unless she's a complete idiot and realizes lesbians don't have sex with men. All of a sudden, she and my Dad keep trying to set me up with guys when I have no interest.

Ugh, parents. Luckily, I'm moving out in less than 60 days.

[DAME]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 12:58pm

I just read the begining of this thread and have not read anything after ( I thought I would put that disclaimer in). I think you reacted horribly and that you owe your dad a apology for throwing such a unexpected hissy fit. You gave him a lot of information . And instead of being compassionate and understanding and peacefully answering any questions he might have you threw it all in his face. I would give him a few days and take him out for dinner and offer to answer any questions he might have. This is your dad. So do it lovingly and without any righteous hissy fits. However; having said all that.. I want to congragulate you for coming out.

Updated On: 6/26/05 at 12:58 PM

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 6/26/05 at 12:59pm

mpb... that's excellent that he took that step. I'm sure it doesn't quite seem like it right now, but in a few years you'll look back and realize how lucky you were.

My ex partner never 'came out' to his family. We lived together, when they came to visit we didn't hide there was only one master bedroom (the other was the office), we went to visit them together, and after about 5 years, it just became obvious. Him being gay was not discussed, just known. And I became part of the family, to the point that even now, 2 years after we broke up, I still get invited over for Christmas.