Why Do Some Gay Men Want to Out Other Gay Men?

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:04am

What's up with the viciousness in gay culture?

Why do some gay men seem to invest a lot of interest and take a lot of sick pleasure in outing other gay men who either don't want to be out or have reasons why they are not out?

You would think there would be compassion and a desire to protect another gay man's decision but that isn't always so.

What causes that behavior?

[Kringas]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:13am

Who wants to out whom? If you can't speak in specifics, you won't get the right answer. Who are these gays?

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:19am

Oh, nom, someone told you about your husband? Sorry.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:20am

It is a general question, Kringas, as a causation of behavior.

I have seen it happen very recently but I can't give names and it has nothing to do with BWW.

Have you never experienced the situation?

[muscle23ftl]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:21am

I feel like they are hypocrits, because you want to hide something that is not right. And being gay is right, and it shouldn't be hidden.

[Kringas]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:21am

What are their reasons for not being out? Jesus, it's 2007! It's like guys on gay.com who don't have a picture.

Generally they're hiding a wife. Maybe those vicious gays are outing them for the sake of the wives.

ETA: I agree with muscle. Don't hide your gay light under a bushel!

Updated On: 4/11/07 at 12:21 AM

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:23am

With a wife like you why would I need a husband, Sueleen?

Yeah, I thought about the hypocrisy issue, but the outing can effect more than the gay man. It could disrupt his relationships with other people, that while imperfect, he may wish to preserve.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:24am

Or some might just have the most beautiful and well organized closets the thought of leaving it is overwhelming!

[StickToPriest]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:24am

Some people may have a very good reason for not being out. And, even if its not a good reason to you, it may be for them. Maybe they just aren't ready.

I agree with nom.

Gays who (usually maliciously or just for fun) like to out other gays who aren't out usually just have some issues they need to work out themselves.

[MatthewAddison]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:24am

I think it's generational.

Younger folks see it as not needing censorship, and see the movement for homosexuality to be considered as normal as apple pie.

Older folks remember/have witnessed the homophobia without recourse.

[B3TA07]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:25am

"It's like guys on gay.com who don't have a picture."

Lmao.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:25am

nom, you are drunk again, aren't you?

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:27am

Sueleen, you spiked my ovaltine.

I divorce thee!

[Kringas]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:29am

I think of Larry Kramer, who celebrated the idea of all gay people turning purple, because we'd all have to deal with it out in the open then. Or was it Harvey Fierstein? Oh well. Facts never interested me. What matters is the song.

[muscle23ftl]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:32am

Most of the guys who won't come out are either married or not out to their families. That makes their lives a living hell, living a double life is very damaging. The ones that are not out at work, I can get to understand them a little more, because they are not tough enough to come out and say "Im gay" because they fear getting fired or treated differently. Also you don't have to talk about your private life at work. But lie to your family or your own wife about who you are. That's wrong in my book.

[Kringas]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:33am

Sometimes there are Jesus issues.

[MatthewAddison]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:35am

Kringas, can I get some sexual healing?

[Kringas]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:36am

Only if you out someone first.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:38am

So far we've talked about guys who aren't out because of work, church, wife or family.

Sounds like the major reasons of not being out to me.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:38am

I want to see MatthewAddison out muscle23ftl--and then Kringas apply sexual healing to both of them.

(Was that inappropriate?)

[StickToPriest]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:39am

Or maybe they just aren't ready to accept it themselves.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:40am

Nom, if your Husband is gay would you want him to stay in the closet? Or your Father? Or your Son?

I love how Jim McGreevy is all, "Oh, everyone should come out!" now that he has been outed.

[MatthewAddison]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:41am

I have a strong feeling PalJoey is GAY GAY GAY!

For anyone who was living under a rock.

[Kringas]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:42am

If you ask me, I've been out since 1992. If you ask the world, I've been out since about '76 or so.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:43am

Which leads to a more personal question of individual values.

For those who are gay folk on here, would you ever take responsibility on yourself to out another gay who was not out?

If so, when or why would you make the decision to do that?

Would you weigh the harm you could cause--could you even know what the harm was you might cause?

Would you do it to "protect" someone like an "unknowing spouse" and would that actually protect them?