Why Do Some Gay Men Want to Out Other Gay Men?- Page 4

[PalJoey]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 11:45am

nomdeplume's question itself is very 1990s.

And Sueleen, you are right. Nom--do you see how your question itself presupposes being gay as a "bad thing"?

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 11:48am

Sueleen, you don't really know me or how I look at gay folk.

While I haven't had the experience of anyone being gay in my immediate or extended family that I know of, which is strange considering statistics and how many people that covers, I have always had gay neighbors in different places I've lived with whom we were cordial and attended each others parties and so on, since I was a small child.

One of my mother's best friends at work was, in a side career, a very successful gay theme novelist who traveled the world and brought us back beautiful things from Thailand and India as gifts. His home had gorgeous antiques from all over the world and lots of art. He lived with his mother and we visited his home and his Mum was very sweet to me and gave me goodies and he would even make his cuckoo clock cuckoo off the hour for me and liked me, which my mother thought was sweet because as she told me, in general he didn't like children but he liked me. Heck, I even saw his study with all these paintings of naked men on the top half of the room (the paintings rolled and only the top half of the guys was showing--ha--but you could have gone up and rolled them out completely). I was maybe only eight years old.

Our youthful gay neighbors seem to have been always couples, and my parents would just refer to them as "the boys" and visit them and include them in things. I have gay neighbors now and have had very cordial ties with them, leaving them bones for the dog, Christmas presents, etc. and they have been great neighbors to me.

But to answer your question about lives being "ruined," in fact I have met gay people who have been harmed (I can't judge "ruin" only "harm") coming out. For instance, one guy's father totally disowned him and while you may say the guy wasn't a good father, it is still very painful to lose a parent.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 11:59am

That's probably temporary. They will undoubtedly reconcile when they father realizes his being a bigot is not worth the loss of a son.

Any other stories of actual "ruin"?

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:01pm

Not temporary. It's over 20 years.

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:04pm

I once chipped a nail in high school after bitch slapping an annoying queen for taking the last piece of paper during a typing speed contest. I only averaged 99 words a minute as opposed to the 120 I had managed before the nail break. My career as a clerk-typist was ruined. Now I wander the streets and have to ask gentlemen strangers for cigarettes.
Updated On: 4/11/07 at 12:04 PM

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:10pm

When you aren't poking about BWW, SOMMS.

[soapguy17]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:13pm

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:14pm

What else am I to do? My life is ruined ever since that hateful queen told Mrs. Schepacarter that I bitched slapped her for taking that 60 lb. watermarked sheet. Cigarettes and BWW have ruined me I tell you.
Updated On: 4/11/07 at 12:14 PM

[Calvin]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:17pm

I don't really see it that much as an epidemic unless we're talking about:

a) Hypocritical politicians, in which I'll admit that the outing movement makes me a little queasy as a tactic, but I can understand the reasoning behind it.
b) Closeted actors, about whom it's just our culture's natural tendency to gossip. Whispering whether Wentworth Miller is gay is no different than all the whispers about whether Naomi Watts was pregnant.
c) Individual cases, like Kringas mentioned, in which there was a personal animus involved.

Outside of those instances -- and it's not just the gay folks doing the outing in those -- I don't see a vast push to investigate and expose a bunch of nobodies who are trying to live a closeted life in, say, the rural South.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:17pm

A 60lb sheet?

That's practically posterboard. Were you planning on being a posterchild for lost BWWers even then?

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:19pm

Calvin, you don't have a vicious bone in your body.

And you have the best avatar on BWW right now.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:22pm

"I think outing people is generally not a good idea, not smart and not ethical." - "nomdeplume"

Really, "nom"? REALLY?

[soapguy17]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:26pm

I totally managed to loose my message there. Anyway.

Living where I live, and being the age I am. I wouldn't do it. Being outed before you're ready can be devastating. I've been tempted to many times out of spite, but in all honesty an Alabama High School is not the best place in the world for a gay teenager, and if someone doesn't think their strong enough to handle it's ridicule, then I won't be responsible for subjecting them to it. I have a few friends, well I'm not sure if I'm ready to consider them friends again, who have just began to make eye contact and have conversations with me after me coming out to them. And a lot of my friends are pretty liberal.

But, nom. As far as celbs go. They have to be 100% to have every part of their lives, including their sexual orientation, picked apart, and looked into. It's not fair, but that comes with their job.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:29pm

"They have to be 100% to have every part of their lives, including their sexual orientation, picked apart, and looked into."

100% what? 100% ready?

I can see what you mean about Alabama. And in some places it could be dangerous as the person might get beaten up.

[soapguy17]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:34pm

Yes, 100% ready.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:34pm

Have you ever violated your personal ethics by outing or attempting to "out" somebody, "nom"?

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:35pm

I am not sure what it means any more to be Out or In The Closet.

But, if you don't want to admit you have sex with other men, don't do it. Ever. Even when drunk. And, as any high school girl can tell you, if you do have sex with a guy, expect him to talk about it.

[Mamamia Sammy2]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:37pm

Do you have any black friends, Namo? Do you have any friends at all?

Are you a bitter queen, Namo?

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:43pm

Look, if my friends are black, it's their business. They can tell people they're black, it's not up for me to decide who gets to know because if I mention it, they could suffer a lot of discrimination.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:44pm

You are right, Nom, I DON'T know you. However, I read your posts and there is a definite feeling of "those cute/quirky gays" or "those VICIOUS gays" in what you write. It certainly seems as if you have a very condescending attitude that many might feel hides a deep seeded, if not overt, homophobe. If that is not who you are then perhaps you should consider reading what you are posting before you hit the "post message" button. But that is how you come across to me.

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:46pm

Namo you are absolutely right! If black people want to go around saying they are white who am I to disagree! I hope they are better at passing than those closet cases who are not fooling ANYBODY!

[PalJoey]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 12:47pm

Best. Thread. Evuh!

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 1:01pm

But how much of that Sueleen, is your own hypersensitivity to seeing things as being posed against gays?

I do feel like some of the gay folk on here are not friendly and are always looking for "slights" against gays beyond the point of being realistic. Just looking for excuses to lash out. It's annoying because it's hostile.

I think if you are truly comfortable in your own skin you wouldn't feel the need to do that.

I don't get any sense of that behavior from DG, Calvin, cturtle, glebb or a lot of other people on here who are openly gay.

And I don't know whether or how much it is related to being gay, or whether it is just a difference of having a balanced and mature personality.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 1:03pm

Why not start a thread called "Nom's List of Acceptible Gays." It'd be very TS Eliot. Maybe eventually a musical called "Fags." But who would be the book writer?

[PalJoey]

Posted: 4/11/07 at 1:03pm

Oh...so there are "good gays" and "bad gays" in your view?