Your Favorite WILL & GRACE Quotes- Page 4

[Tom1071]

Posted: 5/30/06 at 11:10am

KAREN: Will, two men are here from the FBI. (Looks) A man and a manish woman are here from the FBI. They want to talk to me about Stan.

[tagiunagi]

Posted: 5/30/06 at 4:19pm

JACK: You just rejected one of the hottest guys here. Everyone will be talking about it. Your mystique level just went up 158 points.
BARRY: 42 more and I can upgrade to business gay.
JACK: Funny. But when you say something witty at a party, you should always appear bored, take a sip of your drink, and look away. That way, it'll seem like it happens all the time. Par example: Though two rights might make a wrong, a rolling butt gathers no moss.
BARRY: But that wasn't really a joke. It was pretty much just a random selection of words.
JACK: Exactly... My four-fingered friend.


JACK: Go keep an eye on Barry. He doesn't understand how predatory some of these guys can be. Excuse me. I see a defenseless queerling who's wandered away from the flock.

Posted: 5/30/06 at 6:08pm

“OK, rule number one. Unless you're served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips."

[Dre2387]

Posted: 5/30/06 at 6:23pm

Karen: To quote Morgan Freeman in almost any movie, "You should have listen to me white girl."

[dotmarie]

Posted: 5/30/06 at 8:43pm

Jack's "high off caffeine" ramble:
"Hey, friends, lovers, mothers, and other strangers. You're never going to believe what happened to me. Oh, my gosh! Did you see that? I almost did the half nelson. I almost bruised my delicates, my delicates, my domo arigato Mr. Tomatoes. Huge news! I have met-- Are you ready for this? Mr. Right. Well, Mr. Right-Now, anyway. Ba-da-bum! Good night, folks, I'm here all week. Jack 2000! He works over at the Jumpin' Java. You know that coffee shop on 72nd? And his name is Paul. He is cute with a capital Q! And the busier it gets, the hotter he gets. And the hotter he gets, the sweatier he gets. And the sweatier he gets-- I forgot where I'm going with this, but the point is... Me likey he, and he likey me. And the best part is-- Shazam-- he gives me free iced coffee every time I go in, which is every hour on the hour. Thank you very much! And occasionally on the half hour! Bah-da-da-da-da!"

not AS funny when you read it, but oh that Sean Hayes...he slays me.

[Broadway_Baby]

Posted: 5/30/06 at 9:15pm

Reading this scene doesn't give it nearly enough credit, Megan's delivery is brilliant:

(Grace kisses Nathan)

KAREN: Hey, hey, hey. Come on. Come on. This is a place of business so unless you're gonna charge him for that, take it outside.

GRACE: Come on, Karen, like you never got a little at the office?

NATHAN: Well, at least she had the decency to be by herself.

KAREN: [giggles] A-ha ha... a-ha ha ha... It's funny 'cause it's true.

GRACE: [to Nathan] So what are you doing here?

NATHAN: Well, you know, I was just sitting at home, thinking the highlight of my day is a kiss from my girlfriend, and I'm not waiting till 6:00 for that.

GRACE: You are such a liar. It's just 'cause you couldn't find the birthday present at the apartment.

NATHAN: I tore the place apart. I even looked through your underwear drawer. I found where you hide my...competition.

KAREN: [giggles] Ha ha ha... Ha ha ha ha.... It's funny 'cause it's sad.

NATHAN: I also found a stack of white shirts wrapped in blue paper. Is that my present?

GRACE: Mm-mmm. Will's laundry.

NATHAN: Oh, shoot. I already returned it. Well, I gotta go. I have an appointment for a small business loan.

GRACE: You gotta admit, that is a cute guy.

KAREN: Yeah. I would do him nice and good.

GRACE: [laughs] Ha ha ha... It's funny 'cause it'll never happen.

[dotmarie]

Posted: 5/30/06 at 10:06pm

"Santa, it's Jackie. First of all, I just wanna say I'm sorry about the time when I was 11 and told Timmy Woods that you didn't exist. I was just trying to make him cry so I could hug him. But now I really need your help. This Barney's window, it's a disaster. I guess I deserve it for screwing my friend over. But I'm really scared I'm gonna lose my job, so, Santa, if you help me, I promise I'll never ask for anything ever, ever, ever again, ever. Amen. Love Jack.
P.S. um... I know I just said that thing about never asking for anything ever, ever again, but, um, if you're feeling generous, I would like some leather pants, um...hair extensions, and the ability to fly."
Updated On: 5/30/06 at 10:06 PM

[razzle-dazzle]

Posted: 5/30/06 at 10:33pm

I'm Anastasia Beaverhausen, Anastasia like Russian royalty and Beaverhausen like where the beaver's live.

[RENTingFAME]

Posted: 5/30/06 at 11:36pm

Dotmarie, you rock for typing up the whole Jack caffine speech. Bonus points for you.

Vince: I used to have a real gun, now I have a price gun. I caught a guy shoplifting the other day and all I could do was mark him "2 for 1!!!" and send him on his way.

Grace: You would have shot him?

Vince: I would have had the option.

Probably funnier to watch. But still.

[ZONEACE]

Posted: 5/30/06 at 11:39pm

"My love is like this scar. Ugly, but permanent."

[RENTingFAME]

Posted: 5/30/06 at 11:47pm

yay, Zoneface I love that one.

Will: Well, Vince and I aren't lesbians, but we don't have sex much anymore, so that's close.

[razzle-dazzle]

Posted: 5/31/06 at 12:12am

the 1st Scott Wooley episode

KAREN: I've a 100 and 2 point plan, 3 if you're really lucky.

[RENTingFAME]

Posted: 5/31/06 at 12:27am

Jack: (to Will) Cher is still not here, so unless YOU can tun back time, I'm out of here.

Will: There was a time when I was a boob man... of course that ended when my mom switched to formula...

[RENTingFAME]

Posted: 5/31/06 at 1:19am

Will: This is not weird... Gay republicans are weird.

Grace: I'm your toy? Tell me, Will, where do the batteries go? No wait, don't answer that.

Will: Sam can't have you cause you're mine!
Grace: Oh, silly me. I've been living my life under the impression that I was my own person.

[RENTingFAME]

Posted: 5/31/06 at 1:27am

Will: Let's shorthand this. Grace, do you want to sleep with me?
Grace: Oh gosh Will, I would but I don't sleep with gay men.
Will: See, that's a problem because I do.

[dotmarie]

Posted: 5/31/06 at 1:27am

"I love to sing. I love to sing choral music. It makes me feel as if I'm being gently chucked under the chin by God."

Posted: 5/31/06 at 5:47am

“If you're looking for your Aunt Karen, she's not here. She doesn't work on days that end with…‘day.’”

“Karen says that you have all the qualities that she looks for in a man, so I guess you own a bottle opener.”

[Dre2387]

Posted: 5/31/06 at 7:37am

whoever did Jack's caffine speech is awesome!!!!! and it is funny when you watch it.

[RENTingFAME]

Posted: 5/31/06 at 11:10pm

Grace: I need you to hold down the fort.
Karen: Well I did it at the alamo, I can do it here.

Jack: This is a straight club now, it doesn't turn gay until 9 o'clock.
Will: Kind of like my roommate from college.

[RENTingFAME]

Posted: 5/31/06 at 11:13pm

Grace: I can't fire Karen, it would be like cutting off my arm. My drunk, useless arm.

Jack: I just found out this guy lives in the same building as Patti LuPone's dog walker. After that, how could I not sleep with him?

[RENTingFAME]

Posted: 5/31/06 at 11:24pm

Guy: (to Patti LuPone) I saw you in Evita when I was 15... I came out by intermission
Patti: I get that a lot... Sometimes I think I am personally responsible for the West Village.

[folkyboy]

Posted: 5/31/06 at 11:33pm

everyone keeps repeating everyone else's quotes rather than read the thread :P that's annoying...

but i do have one no one mentioned that i always chuckle at:

JACK: This is more embarassing than the time I got caught shoplifting at Layne Bryant

[Elphaba]

Posted: 6/1/06 at 1:13am

How come this chair doesn't come with an air-sickness bag?

Lay a hand on me, and you'll be picking up two other rocks on 5th Avenue.

both said by Karen

Posted: 6/1/06 at 3:03am

“Can you believe him? Light beer. What's next, non-addictive pain-killers?”

[RENTingFAME]

Posted: 6/1/06 at 11:18pm

Rosario: Whenever my friends and I get together and argue about who works for the craziest bitch I always win.

Jack: Oh Karen, he flitted away.
Karen: Well honey, he's gay. It's not like you people ever just walk away.