hello my dear Greetings in the name of God
hello my dear Greetings in the name of God
#1hello my dear Greetings in the name of God
Posted: 11/17/06 at 7:49am
I got this email today from a Mrs. Jones Hoffman claiming to be mine "in Christ," and I thought I'd share it with you all. Knowing me as you do, how would you suggest I respond?
===
hello my dear
Greetings in the name of God,
Pls let this not sound strange to you for my only surviving lawyer who would have done this died early this year.i prayed and got you email id from your countrys christian guestbook which i have been with my late huband and liked to visit once more if God will in his infinite mercies.
I am Mrs. Jones Hoffman from Netherlands,I am 58 years old,i am deaf and suffering from a long time cancer of the breast which also affected my brain,from all indication my conditions is really deteriorating and it is quite obvious that, according to my doctors they have advised me that i may not live for the next two months,this is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad stage. I was brought up from a motherless babies home wasmarried to my late husband for twenty years without a child ,died in a fatal motor accident Before his death we were true Christians.Since his death I decided not to re-marry,I sold all my inherited belongings and deposited all the sum of $3.5million dollars with a Security Company.
Presently, this money is still with them and the management just wrote me as the true owner to come forward to receive the money for keeping it so long or rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf since I can not come over because of my illness or they get it confisticated.
Presently, I'm with my laptop in a hospital where my doctors have told me that I have only a few months to live.It is my last wish to see that this money is invested to any organisation of your choice and distributed each year among the charity organization,the poor and the motherless babies home where i come from.I want you God fearing, to also use this money to fund churches, orphanages and widows,I took this decision, before i rest in peace because my time will soon be up.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Security Company.I will also issue you a letter of authority that will prove you as the new beneficiary of my fund. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. Hoping to hearing from you soon.
Waiting for your reply
Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Jones Hoffman
#1re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 7:51amhow did she escape from the nigerian interior ministry?
r.i.p. marco, my guardian angel.
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
#2re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 7:53amHow the hell did she get a laptop?
"I can't figure out what kind of life this is, comedy or tragedy, I just know it's showbiz. And what if I don't agree with the lines I have to read? They don't pay me enough, the way I see it."
#3re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 7:56am
Someone decided Dutch widows might engender more sympathy or trust or something.
I'm contemplating spewing a response with language out of the Exorcist, something about her mother sucking cOcks in hell--you're good at that sort of thing, papa. (Spewing responses, I mean, of curse, not sucking cOcks.)
I know, geek--maybe they give them out in Dutch hospitals--you know, with the nationalized health.
#4re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 8:01am
I mean, since her wordly possessions have all been given away....
I'd suggest you be careful. You don't suppose this could have had a virus attached? What other motivation would they have for emailing you?
"I can't figure out what kind of life this is, comedy or tragedy, I just know it's showbiz. And what if I don't agree with the lines I have to read? They don't pay me enough, the way I see it."
Broadway Legend Joined: 12/31/69
#5re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 8:04am
This stuff used to infuriate me, but now I just tell myself that if someone is so stupid and so greedy that they go along with such and obviously false scheme, they deserve what they get.
I mean really, this one doesn't even make sense!
#6re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 8:07amI say we all PM this to RTFan.
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
#7re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 8:21amI would but I've already blocked him.
JohnBoy2
Broadway Legend Joined: 3/21/06
#8re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 8:27am
I get this kind of email, all the time! I love them. I think they're funny. Although, I can't say I recall getting this particular one. 
#9re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 8:47amI was about to say, she's awfully modern for a blind, dying, overzealous, old Dutch widow....I think she should have added that her three-legged dog was trampled by a horse carriage while carrying a dying baby in its teeth.
#10re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 9:56am
hello my dear
greetings in the name of satan,
pls let this not sound strange to you. my only surviving minion would have done this but he was exorcised from the still squealing body of a soon-to-be-former republican senator last week. i sacrificed eleven goats, nine chickens and three virgins and finally got your email id from your country’s satanic ministries guestbook. i have visited your country with my minions, before they were unceremoniously exorcised, and would love to return should the dark master so will it.
i am papalovesmambo from new york city, usa. i am 36 years old. i am evil and suffering from a long time email disorder which also affects my mood. from all indications this condition is getting worse everyday. it is my high priest’s opinion after consulting the great pentagram that my inherent evil nature may not be able to sustain me no matter how many kittens i eat. i was born of an unholy union between the prince of darkness and ann coulter, cultivated my minions for many years without ever questioning the dark master’s plan. before my minion’s death, we were true satanists. since his death i decided not to elevate any of my minion’s mates to his exalted position. i sold all of our ill-gotten gains and deposited all the sum of $8.5 million dollars with a security company.
presently, this money is still with them and the management just wrote me as the true owner to come forward and receive the money or issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf since i can not come over because of my disorder. otherwise, they will confiscate it and use it to spread the word of god. of course, you understand how heinous that idea is to me.
presently, i'm with my laptop in an undisclosed location where my high priests have told me that i have only a few months before i lose the ability to do evil. it is my last wish to see that this money is invested to any evil organization of your choice and distributed each year among the wealthy, the powerful, the cruel and the demonic spawns of satan from whence i come. i want you, a satan loving evil-doer, to also use this money to fund wars, genocides and the republican party. i took this decision, before the cherubs erase my inherent evil nature because my time will soon be up.
as soon as i receive your reply i shall give you the contact of the security company. i will also issue you a letter of authority that will prove you as the new beneficiary of my fund. please assure me that you will act accordingly as i stated herein. hoping to hear from you real soon.
waiting for your reply.
yours in satan,
papalovesmambo
r.i.p. marco, my guardian angel.
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
#11re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 10:09am
Papa--that's brilliant! If ONLY it were fictional and not autobiographical...
yr pal (in satan),
joey
#12re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 10:11amwhat can i say? i'm still in the "write what you know" phase.
r.i.p. marco, my guardian angel.
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
SorryGrateful
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/10/05
#13re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 10:31amI'm too busy sending my checking accounts routing number to Dr. Snuhu of South Africa so that I can inherit the $2 million to care about this thread. He assured me it's 100% risk-free!
You promised me poems. ~Tricky
#14re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 10:40amOh, where is that hysterical thread of emails some guy sent to one of these fools...it was hysterical. He kept promising to send the money and didnt...
"Carson has combined his passion for helping children with his love for one of Cincinnati's favorite past times - cornhole - to create a unique and exciting event perfect for a corporate outing, entertaining clients or family fun."
"In Oz, the verb is douchifizzation." PRS
"In Oz, the verb is douchifizzation." PRS
SueleenGay
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/9/03
#15re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 11:10am
Deer Mrs. Jones Hoffman,
In honur ov you're predikamint I have started a "Please Pray for my Friend, Mrs. Jones Hoffman" thread on BroadwayWorld.com. It is a theeter site with very poor people who have lots of faith and good conecshuns in heaven. I hope that helps you.
PEACE.
#16re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 12:56pmSueleen you and your avatar humor always make me smile--i never git enuff girl!
Gothampc
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/20/03
#17re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 12:59pmYou should move to the Netherlands and offer to be a comfort to Mrs. JH in her final days on this earth.
If anyone ever tells you that you put too much Parmesan cheese on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
#18re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 1:05pmI'd be happy to move to The Netherlands! There was one guy online named GregNL...tats, buzz cut...what was I saying? Oh yeah...I'll take care of the old lady too.
actor
Broadway Legend Joined: 9/14/06
#19re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 1:16pm
It seems that the scammers are going a little bit insane. Who makes up this stuff? A 5 year old? Or do they make it in hopes that a 5 year old will read it?
Honestly. If this was a real person (which it is almost certainly not) then their mentality is: E-mail a random person that (1) I don't know and (2) Don't care about, and tell them my life story in hopes that they will respond with kind comments. Then, I will give all of my money and hope that they will give it to an organization. I cannot oversee this happening (I will be dead) so therefore I will pick someone I can trust - someone random.
The scammers aren't even thinking their scams through anymore.
I would be cautious, however - there very well could be a virus attached to that E-mail.
TheatreDiva90016
Broadway Legend Joined: 4/10/04
#20re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 1:55pm
"TheatreDiva90016 - another good reason to frequent these boards less."<<>>
“I hesitate to give this line of discussion the validation it so desperately craves by perpetuating it, but the light from logic is getting further and further away with your every successive post.” <<>>
-whatever2
Broadway Legend Joined: 12/31/69
#21re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 1:57pmDid anyone read the New Yorker story a couple months back about the otherwise brilliant Ivy-League professor (Forgot the school) who got bilked for THOUSANDS of dollars in one of these scams. He got all these foreign cashier's checks so he thought he was making tons of money but of course they were all bogus and evenetually bounced, leaving him way in the hole-- he spent all of his 401K and has n hope of recovering.
#22re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 4:22pmI remember the days when email scams were at least original...
http://community.livejournal.com/ltd_brands_suck/
Broadway Legend Joined: 12/31/69
#23re: hello my dear greetings in the name of god
Posted: 11/17/06 at 7:34pm
Wow- Great stuff does indeed come into your inbox! Look what I got today!
Hi, I am Craig Notham.
I am manager of a Craft company , Karton Cratf Company ( http://www.karton.free.fr/ )
Karton Cratf Company is a firm based in France.We produce and distribute Craftworks such as Metal Craft, Pottery, Ceramic and other art works worldwide.We have reached big sales volume of Craft Works in the Europe and now are trying to penetrate the US market. Quite soon we will open representative offices or authorized sales centers in the US .Presently,Our company needs US representative/Assistance in Payment Collections and in establishing a new distribution network there.
The fact is that despite the US market is new for us ,we already have regular clients who are reacting positively to our products.We have made some supplies to the US.But we have problems collecting money for the already supplied works.
The international money transfer tax for legal entities (companies) in France is 20%, whereas for the individual it is only 6%.There is no sense for us to work this way, while tax for international money transfer made by a private individual is 6% .That's why we need you! We need agents/representatives to receive payment for our crafts( in money orders,check or bank wire transfers) from our clients in the US ,and resend the money to us via Money Gram or Western Union Money Transfer.This way we will save money because of tax decreasing.
The work is simply recieving payments from our Clients which will be made cashable to you at your Bank.After cashing,the funds will be transfered via Money Gram or Western Union Money Transfer according to our instructions.As your income,you will be getting 10% of any amount you collect and process.You will be deducting the income before funds are transfered.
You will be working us an Independent Contractor right from your home or office.It wont interrupt your present daily activities and its absolutely legal. You can earn up to $3000-4000 monthly during the time you will spend working with us.You do not need any capital to start.An employee who make efforts and work hard have a strong possibility to become managers when we commence our representative offices or authorized sales centers in the US .And you are assured of an excellent work condition.
I would be glad if you accept my proposal.If interested in the representative,Please reply with the details stated below:
NAME:
ADDRESS:
PHONE NUMBER:
OCCUPATION:
AGE:
SEX:
E-Mail:
Thank You!
Craig Notham
KARTON CRAFT,
FRANCE.
Isn't that awesome!? They don't even know my name but they want to pay me $4000 a month just to cash checks! Awesome huh? And the president of this company uses a Yahoo email! They must be a heck of a company!
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