Favorite quips from shows?

So many great one-liners in theater, and yet I forget so many of them by the time I've absorbed a whole show. One line I loved recently was from "Cinderella," stepmom to Lord Protector: "Are you implying what I'm inferring?"

Would love to see what others think are some of Broadway's cleverest quips.

"She's wearing the lime green gloves of a dead woman." Crimes of the Heart

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I like "You're going out a youngster, but you've got to come back a star!" from 42nd street.

"Greatest generation my ass! Are they really counting all the generations? Maybe there are some generations from the iron age that could compete" August: Osage County

"Heaven knows it's marvelous being able to spread out in bed like a swastika." The Women

"Fantasy floods in where fact leaves a vacuum." Lettice and Lovage

“To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.” The Importance of Being Earnest

"The line is immaterial. Mr. Worthing, I confess I feel somewhat bewildered by what you have just told me. To be born, or at any rate bred, in a hand-bag, whether it had handles or not, seems to me to display a contempt for the ordinary decencies of family life that reminds one of the worst excesses of the French Revolution." The Importance of Being Earnest

"Me, sir! What has it to do with me? You can hardly imagine that I and Lord Bracknell would dream of allowing our only daughter - a girl brought up with the utmost care - to marry into a cloak-room, and form an alliance with a parcel? Good morning, Mr. Worthing!" The Importance of Being Earnest

"Mr.Worthing, is Miss Cardew at all connected with any of the larger railway stations in London" The Importance of Being Earnest

Eliza Doolittle to Henry Higgins: Colonel Pickering treats a flower girl as if she were a duchess.
Higgins: And I treat a duchess as if she were a flower girl.

Alfred P. Doolittle: I don't eat less hearty than a deserving man and I drink ... oh, a lot more.

Higgins to Alfred Doolittle: You mean you'd sell your daughter for 50 pounds? Have you no morals man?
Doolittle: No. Can't afford 'em. Neither would you if you was as poor as me.

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From the OLC of Miss Saigon

Bar girls: Tonight I will be Miss Saigon
Gigi: Tonight you'll be Miss Jumped Upon
Bar girls: I'll meet a GI and be gone
Gigi: He'll screw you with your crown still on
Bar girl: What happens when the Kong attack?
Gigi: They'll rip the hot pants off your back

Pretty sure that should be Cong, not Kong... unless I grossly misunderstood the plot of MISS SAIGON.

If I can be optimistic about the upcoming adaptation, I sure hope this gem from BULLETS OVER BROADWAY survives into Woody's book:

"I don't think her spinal column touches her brain."

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I don't remember the full context, but in THE NANCE, during a sketch where Chauncey and Hiram (in character) are talking about Shakespeare and The Nance breaks out with the (innuendo-loaded) line..."Is that a dagger I see before me?"

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I just thought of a few more.

From Fiddler on the Roof (Dream Scene):

Golda: Grandma Tzeitl? How did she look?
Tevye: Not bad, for a woman who has been dead 30 years.

I can't remember if this is from Fiddler also, or it's just an old Jewish joke (said to God): I know we're the chosen people, but once in awhile, can't you choose someone else?

A clever, but sad line from Fiddler, said from Tevye to Chava, who hints that she's in love with the non-Jewish Fyetka: A fish and a bird can fall in love, but where would they make their home?

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"Gigi: They'll rip the hot pants off your back"

Borderline-nonsensical lyrics like that are one of the reasons I can never take Miss Saigon seriously.

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From Wicked:

Fiyero: I've been thinking.
Elphaba: Yes I heard.

Sunset Boulevard:

( Norma after she finishes WITH ONE LOOK)

Norma: Now Go!

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You're as sexy as a wet cardboard box.

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"Life is a banquet and most poor sons-of-bitches are starving themselves to death" -- Auntie Mame, stage version.

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