Forbidden BWW: Create Your Own Schtick- Page 2

[BSoBW2]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 8:40pm

Too D.O.A.
[Life After Life]
Dracula, the Musical

VAMPIRE BRIDES (chanting)
Can’t understand what we say
Can’t understand what we say
Can’t understand what we say

TOM HEWITT
This was just the beginning
It’s also the end
This show was going to its grave
Since the three curtains opened
There’s no need to wear black
This next line does not make sense
But now it follows the book
Now I’m going to fly
‘Cause I haven’t in 2 seconds

Too D.O.A.
This show never had a chance
I wasted away
Will I ever get another chance?
No one should mourn
All the bad rhyming attempts
You pay all your money
To see these girls strip
Too D.O.A.

I don’t know what I’m saying
My head is spinning
I sing really well
But this crap’s just too foul

TOM AND KELLY
Every night one more boo
From every viewer a bad review
They will hiss one by one
And our producers will quickly throw
More money to advertise

Too D.O.A.
But at least we’re better than Brooklyn
We use the word
“Peccadillo” instead of “sin”
That’s another horrible Hampton-ian attempt

TOM
Of rhyming “unrhymable” words

TOM AND KELLY
Making this show suck
TOM
Too D.O.A.

TOM
Our Van Helsing sounds like
He’s just off the banana boat

TOM AND KELLY
Those who go see Brooklyn
Or in a for a “worser” treat

Too D.O.A.
This show had so much potential
What else to say?
The show was not meant for B-way
Watch what comes next in Act 2 when things get rough
If you do understand
Then you must be high
Too D.O.A.

TOM
I’m so gay

KELLY
That’s OK

TOM AND KELLY
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.

TOM (spoken)
Breathe!

TOM AND KELLY
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.

(KELLY pulls out Oxygen Mask)

TOM (spoken)
I'm used to holding my breath...

KELLY (sung)
'Cause you're gay?

TOM AND KELLY
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A. D.O.A.
D.O.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.




Updated On: 2/28/05 at 08:40 PM

[Caroline-Q-or-TBoo]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 8:42pm

lol

[BSoBW2]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 8:43pm

I should add that everything I parody is stuff I love!

No Offense meant

[elphieisperky]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 8:54pm

This is H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S! I'm just not thinking now, so I can't post one. Maybe I'll think in a few years...but seriously, I love it.

[munkustrap178]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 9:45pm

"Hugh's Wife," based on "Lot's Wife"
from CAROLINE, OR CHANGE

"9,935 miles across the ocean
Caught tween my boyfriend and my pudgy blonde wife...

My wife...
My wife...

My wife reach in and spin me about,
my queer rise up, I want to come out.

My gayness rise up in a fury so wild and I let myself go.
Gave my seed to a boy.
Peter Allen's done that. Peter Allen's done that.
Drew Lachey...

Drew Lachey do me, Drew Lachey do me,
can't afford my wife, can't afford her,
women are a danger for a fairy like me,
trapped tween my boyfriend and my pudgy blonde wife.
it can't go back to the way it was
Drew!
Bring me back to your bedroom again.
I can't go a day without doing you...

I've always been a man who
held my wife's hand getting through.
I can't.
It hasn't done me any good,
finding joy the way Bush says we should,
hoping Deborra turns to Drew-
Deb's fine
Deb's fine
Deb's fine-
till I take off her pants.

And some gays go do shows at night,
some gays march for rainbow rights.
I don't.
I don't have the strength,
I can hardly speak.
Some men do all kinds of things and
gay folks someday live like kings
and someday sunshine shine all day!
Oh Drew, I hope
it be that way
but not for me-

Come see my show
you haven't seen what I can do
you're good but you're not fabulous like me:

I'm gonna thrust my pelvis
in the front row
gonna shake my shoulders
the entire night
gonna shove my tongue
down Jared's throat
gonna shove it
shove it
shove it down
until I die
in act two
but don't cry out loud, Drew
Keep it inside.
Keep it inside.
what else
what else Liza?
what else God give me an ass for?

STAND on the piano
THRUST into your face
GAY!
GAY!
GAY!
GAY!

Now how about that, Drew?
That's what Jackman can do!
That's how I pay for my wife,
that how she eats!

Forgive me Drew down on my knees,
leave me be so I can keep lying
to the whole world - they seem to be buying,
forget the man that makes me weak.
I'll win the Tony and Deborra I'll thank
Run to the loo so I can wank.

Take Deborra away cause I can't love her,
take here away I can't afford her.
Give me my Tony
I'll thank my wife
Give me my Tony
My silver trophy
a broken heart and then...

Drew Lachey. Drew Lachey.

From my big queer heart, Deb,
set me free
let me be
never forget me

Don't let the public
find out about me."

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 9:48pm

*applauds munk*

Well done.

[Caroline-Q-or-TBoo]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 9:49pm

that was powerfull...



i thought my MLWA one was pretty good!

[Caroline-Q-or-TBoo]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 9:49pm

that was powerfull...



i thought my MLWA one was pretty good!

[Delphine]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 10:40pm

Munk, 'twas a masterpiece.

CQT- you captured MLWA perfectly.

[munkustrap178]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:00pm

"Agony" from INTO THE WOODS

THEATREGOER 1:

I went to see BROOKLYN
I got student rush
What was I thinking?
After seeing BROOKLYN
I felt like a lush
I'll drown and go drinking.

Agony!
All they did was screech!
When the music's so bad
The only thing soothing is speech.

THEATREGOER 2:

High in her lookout
She sits by the hour
Lifeguarding the beach.
Bad (but becoming,)
I think I am dumbing as
A big bomb unfolds:

fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-
Agony!
I'd rather be in a hearse!
When you'd rather see BROOKLYN,
You know it can't get much worse.

BOTH:

Agony!
Oh the garbage they screech!

THEATREGOER 1:

What's less intriguing-

THEATREGOER 2:

Or half so fatiguing-

BOTH:

As what's at the beach?

THEATREGOER 1:

Why is this frivelous, sappy,
over-amplified, deplorable,
sickening, wretched
piece of garbage still running
and ruining Broadway?

THEATREGOER 2:

You're so lucky, I saw GOOD VIBRATIONS!

THEATREGOER 1:

It's that bad?

THEATREGOER 2:

Beyond bad!

THEATREGOER 1:

John Caraffa must be mad!

THEATREGOER 2:

You know nothing of madness
Till they're wearing their Uggs
And you see the big wave
And it's sitting there
All the while hearing them
"Fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-"

BOTH:

Agony!

THEATREGOER 1:

Paradice!

THEATREGOER 2:

Beach Balls!

BOTH:

Though each show is a mess.

THEATREGOER 1:

Always papering seats-

THEATREGOER 2:

Don't forget the gay surfer!

BOTH:

They were both worse than CHESS.
Agony!
That can cut like a knife!
And now back to my life.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:02pm

*applauds again*

[zepka102]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:03pm

munk, you're great :P

[Rose_MacShane]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:04pm

Genius!

[Jwei123]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:05pm

that's hot

[CatieElphie1]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:07pm

these ROCK!
heh heh...
I'm to bad to think of any of my own...sigh.

[Corine2]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:07pm

Thinks Gerard has nothing to worry about.

[cvapb]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:08pm

Munk I heart you

[munkustrap178]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:11pm

Corine you don't have to be rude, it's just a joke. I'd like to see you take a stab at it. Maybe I'll write a song about Corine...

[cvapb]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:14pm

do it

[munkustrap178]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:29pm

A song dedicate to Corine, with all my love.

"Good Morning, Corine" based on "Good Morning, Starshine"
from HAIR

"Good morning, Corine
All snug in your bed
'Q' hangs up above you
You finger yourself below.

Good morning, Corine
Musto leads you along.
Me and John Travolta
Our early morning fag hag song

Gerry Gerry Gerry
Harvey Harvey Harvey
Please give it a rest.

Edna Edna Edna
Musto Musto Musto
Gay gay gay gay.

You like Dessa Rose and
FindingNamo hates you
Early morning fag hag song.

Good Morning, Corine
Get ready for work.
You really liked MILLIE
I strongly doubt your taste.

Good Morning, Corine
You're grumpy and mean
I send you
Love from the net
Our early morning fag hag song!

[Corine2]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:30pm

I was kidding. Calm down.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:31pm

awww, with love, too.

[munkustrap178]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:34pm

But Corine I wrote you a song!

[Corine2]

Posted: 2/28/05 at 11:34pm

Now that was funny.
LOL.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 3/1/05 at 12:32am

I just love that perhaps the most sensitive young lady who posts on BWW, Miss Corine2, is such a HUGE fan of Forbidden Broadway, a show that very often mercilessly mocks the bodies of the people it lampoons. I started to think about this, and I recalled the particularly unkind (and some would say hilarious) Jennifer Holliday in Dreamgirls parody, "And I am Telling You (I'm Not Singing)" that ended with her saying "I'm HUGE, I'm HUGE, I'm big as a townhouse," before being lugged off on a handtruck.

As I thought about this I went into a dream sequence in which Corine2's hero, Gerard Allesandri, took HER on... to the tune of "And I Am Telling You..."

And it sounded a little something like this:

And I am telling you
I’m Corine Cohen
I talk a lot about my weight
It’s a thing I think’s not so great
Go, go, go, go away
Go, go, go, go away extra poundage
I’ll keep talking about it
I wanna be fat-free
I’ll say it and say it
Before you can say it about me

B’wayworld gathering?
I’m not going!
I got this thing to do that night
There’s just no way
There’s NO way
I have such a nice face
I wish I had more time
To go to the gym more
And cut down on the wine
Online all night, I post so much ’bout weight loss
Woah woah woah woah
I’m not waking up the next morning, uh-uh
To find the camera pads my derrierre…..

and IIIIIIIIIII yam
Telling you!
I’m Corine Cohen
I think I’m huge, yes huge
A big boned Kate Monster
Big boned Kate Monster
Ooh hoo hoo yeah
Mmmm mmm mmm

And you can’t make fun of
[GASP]
MEEEEEEEEEE